How do you stop being so hard on youself?

Friday

Moderator
Glad I am not alone but sad you have this too, it's not easy.


It is quite the challenge - I am struggling on and off. I am looking at the distorted cognitions at the moment.
Is there an in-between place you can go?

IE Recognizing cognitive distortions and other fun are involved... so just setting the whole thing aside -for the time being- and taking a deep breath? Neither takin cognitive distortions as gospel NOR kicking myself when I’m down.

Because it can be a bit of a Catch22... I’m being too hard on myself, so then??? 🤩 I can use the WAYS I’m being too hard on myself...to REALLY beat myself up!!! Win/Win (sigh). One better, I’ve found, is to call a moratorium & start ignoring myself. Yep, my thinking is f*cked, right now. So, for the time being? It’s ALL tabled. I can yap yap yap like an obnoxious badly trained dog at myself, and I can BOOM AND THUNDER at that dog for yapping. Or? I can just close the durn window, turn on the music, and ignore both the yappy dog (me being too hard on myself) AND the shouting ogre (me beating myself for being too hard on myself <roll eyes>)... until I’m more clear headed. Because it’s just me. Doing what I do. And now? Changing it. By not diving into the same old patterns.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
Is there an in-between place you can go?
It seems not but I am thinking about it.

I have to jump on it to stop it going off.
IE Recognizing cognitive distortions and other fun are involved... so just setting the whole thing aside -for the time being- and taking a deep breath? Neither takin cognitive distortions as gospel NOR kicking myself when I’m down.
That's a very sensible idea. I am not at all sensible a lot of the time.
Because it can be a bit of a Catch22...
Sure is...
I’m being too hard on myself, so then??? 🤩 I can use the WAYS I’m being too hard on myself...to REALLY beat myself up!!!
Yeah and I keep going around the roundabout. I listened to professional development for kids on the Spectrum today and one person was saying the put an end to something. They put a picture up to remind the kid that it was over now. I thought I could do something like that.
Win/Win (sigh).
Yeah (sigh)
One better, I’ve found, is to call a moratorium & start ignoring myself.
That sounds like the way to go really.
Yep, my thinking is f*cked, right now.
f*ck it's a problem.
So, for the time being? It’s ALL tabled. I can yap yap yap like an obnoxious badly trained dog at myself, and I can BOOM AND THUNDER at that dog for yapping. Or? I can just close the durn window, turn on the music, and ignore both the yappy dog (me being too hard on myself) AND the shouting ogre (me beating myself for being too hard on myself <roll eyes>)... until I’m more clear headed.
Indeed.
Because it’s just me. Doing what I do. And now? Changing it. By not diving into the same old patterns.
Hell yeah! Thanks!

I like this one. I really want to get this. The website of David D. Burns, MD | 048: Relapse Prevention Training | Feeling Good
 
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ms spock

Sponsor
Yeah still on this from an angle - not trying to fight myself. Doing a lot. It doesn't feel good but it's good that I am doing professional development, gardening, researching courses and making plans. I am also being really honest and owning who I am and what I do.

I am really not that bad.

I engage in the distorted cognition of emotional reasoning just because feel shame and humiliation and bad, doesn't mean that I am bad. This is not rational. I have spent my whole life helping people, preserving flora and fauna, being as ethical as I can be. I am not that bad. I didn't turn into my parents.
 
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Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Sometimes I give myself a break and just say to myself 'it's ok to just laze around and watch tv and listen to music and make sure I eat something ' no one else is helping me so why should I give a f*ck?? Other times im really tough on myself and get into a state of mind where I'm like 'f*ck this, this isn't living, I've got to do something with myself' I do my own head in. 😤😵
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I bounce between those states at times @Survivor3. I am really pushing myself to do lots of professional development and gardening at the moment. I still feel bad at times but I am doing stuff.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
I bounce between those states at times @Survivor3. I am really pushing myself to do lots of professional development and gardening at the moment. I still feel bad at times but I am doing stuff.
That's great. I'm glad that you are able to that right now. It's a goal of mine to become more productive. I really need to get involved in something and have more human contact.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Not so long ago before covid, I did a level 1 counselling course at my local college. It wasn't easy but I enjoyed it. When I had my heart attack in August one of the nurses said that I should become a counsellor because of all the experiences I've been through.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
Not so long ago before covid, I did a level 1 counselling course at my local college. It wasn't easy but I enjoyed it. When I had my heart attack in August one of the nurses said that I should become a counsellor because of all the experiences I've been through.
I don't know how it is for you - but for me many people have said that to me during the last 30 years and my psychiatrist said that people with unresolved issues become therapists rather than dealing with their own issues and cause great harm. I had a lot of these counsellors who had trauma and mental illness as not so past issues - they got into relationships with me, they took my money, moved into my flat, used me and abused me. So I am ambivalent when folks tell me this due to my own very retraumatising history. My psychiatrist says that people who are mentally well are better therapists rather than people who have great deficits in their backgrounds. Even writing this brings me great anxiety. This may or may not be relevant to you - but it's my current thoughts.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I can see where I have engaged in poor decision making in my life, so in one way I preserved myself and in another way I skipped out in life. I am not going to beat myself up but I am working for small incremental changes. The ruminations keep coming in but I am trying to be kinder to myself. I have the skills. I need to use them as much as possible and if I slip and slide that's okay. I just keep coming back and beginning again - no matter how many times it takes.

Keep coming back to the beginning. Keep repeating the practices - be active, do self compassion, meditation, physical active, and challenging the emotional reasoning.
 
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