How do you stop being so hard on youself?

ms spock

Sponsor
Self beating doesn't mean you're f*cked.

Prob'ly different book, but to me f*cked = irreparable damage was done or is about to be done.

Self beating ain't irreparable.
It's very very fixable. :)
I am getting closer to this now. Thank you for your input. It's such an OCD thinking loop that I get stuck in. I am trying to challenge it. It trips me up at times. I go around and around in my head. Then to get away from the thinking I shut down. That's not optimal.
 

David1959

Confident
Can you please explain a bit more about this?
I disassociated my abuse for 45 years, I always knew it happened but shoved it so far down that I very rarely thought about it. Starting 5 years ago when I had a mental collapse and began getting treatment and for the first time learning about CSA I began to understand that throughout my life many decision I made that I thought were all mine were in fact guided, influenced and controlled by the damage from my CSA.

For a person that was always very sure of myself it rocked my perceptions and confidence
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I did really well yesterday but that didn't stop me from beating myself up last night for not doing more. I am relentlessly critical of myself, no matter how well I am going. I did really well yesterday and the day before and I really put in the hours with the study and I did the exams. I am processing so much and I am doing exposure therapy with myself. I am not slacking off at all. I also took really good care of B and made him some lovely meals, but no I beat myself up. I am unreasonable towards myself. I wouldn't treat anyone else like this.

Last night I was being too hard on myself. And then I ate dinner and kept on snacking. I am probably being too hard on myself judging my eating as well. I didn't binge eat. I am doing okay. It's just hard to manage sometimes. I also could have gone, after 6 hours study, to do work outside in the garden but I had this sense of having no time so I kept pushing myself and then I dissociated and then I punished myself. I am of no assistance to myself sometimes. I am just way too hard on myself. So this is good awareness and I am back studying today and I have some paperwork to fill out for my teaching.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I have stayed with it today. I am anxious. The beating myself up is to distraction of my feelings. It's a way to survive the unsurvivable. It's a way of experiencing me. It's a bad habit. It's a ton of shite as well.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I am just so brilliant at being hard, harsh and critical of myself. If I could take that energy and use it to live my life. What could I do? It's really anxiety producing to do what I am doing at the moment. So worth it but so challenging! Egads!
 
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