General How Do You Support Your Sufferer When All Seems Hopeless?

[adriftatsea]

So my husband (sufferer) and I's life has been turned upside down for a while now. Still living with my mother-in-law, but we're slowly on the track to get back on our own two feet and I'm trying to do the best I can getting us there as he's kind of been in major freeze mode. We decided not to move because my husband just couldn't handle the stress and the though of moving from our little support network seemed like not a good idea at all.

My husband told me last night that he hasn't been doing very well this past week at all (he hasn't been doing very well since this past summer) and said he felt like he's dying all the time, which is terrifying for him because he's terrified he's going to die before he starts feeling any better, and didn't say it, but I know he just feels hopeless as he said maybe it's just too late for everything (I believe meaning him, us, getting back on our feet, etc but it was a pretty open ended statement). He was triggered really bad mid Feb and then had a couple misunderstandings with his mom since then so I think he's still caught in an emotional flashback or still triggered. I know he probably feels like he has no control over life right now and just helpless. I know he still isn't feeling well physically as he was sick, but has been all cleared by the doctor after multiple tests.

I reassured him that I know it's hard for him to see past and get through a day, but we will get back on our feet and we'll be okay and he'll slowly get some sense of normalcy back in life (I start a new job next month so I'm hoping to get us out of our current living situation and into our own place again by April/May if not sooner). I try my best to reassure him, tried to talk to him or get him to open up more about how he was feeling, and asked him if he wanted to go talk to anyone (he's not currently on any medications mostly because he's never had much luck with them, he does have a therapist but hasn't been to her since Oct and recently saw a new psychiatrist whom he seemed to like), but he just said 'I don't know.'

How do you best support your sufferer when they're feeling helpless, hopeless, or anxiety is through the roof that they feel like they're dying everyday? I know I can't force him to go talk to a professional, but how do you help them work through these feelings?

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Why does your guy not want to talk to a professional?

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Does he have buddies he could talk to or maybe if he is a religios man a clergyman? There are also chats for people with PTSd and they are anonymous.

 

[shimmerz]

Freeze is a tough one to get out of unless one is committed to do so. Does he recognize he is in freeze? Have the two of you spoken about it? Even a small bit of movement is better than no movement at all. A tiny bit more each day.

 

[adriftatsea]

Why does your guy not want to talk to a professional?

He's never had much luck with them. We live in a smaller town that is greatly underserved. There are not too many qualified or trained trauma therapists in our area and the ones he's seen, seem to be ding-dongs or personalities haven't really meshed or he hasn't felt comfortable with them. Same with the psychiatrists. Many experiences he's had with them is either they do not fully understand trauma/PTSD, they're medication pushers and just want you in and out of the office without really listening or he hasn't felt comfortable with them.

Not really many friends either. He's kind of isolated or avoided over the past year. He does have some support, but they don't really understand and he's not super religious.

 

[adriftatsea]

Yea and he understands and recognizes and we've been trying to get out and do a little more. Since being triggered mid last month he has gone into over-drive avoidance and not wanting to go anywhere, but last week we got out and went to visit my sister for half a day, which he seemed to enjoy as he was pretty talkative the whole time. When I'm going to run errands or do something, I invite him a long, but he knows there's no pressure to go and if he wants to come, he'll come.

 

[Nam]

It seems you are doing all you can do. Your name seems apt: a drift at sea. But you are there, you are staying by him, you care, and you've made efforts to keep stress at bay. He has to be willing to work..which is painful, grueling and frustrating. No one can make him. It's always the choice of the person suffering. Eventually, it might get so bad that he has to face it, but he can chose to face it before it gets that bad. If he can't find a T or someone to talk to, get him to journal. Everyday. Doesn't have to say much. Just one thought and one feeling. Call it day. See where it goes.

 

[Justmehere]

Have you thought about seeing a therapist for support for you? this is really hard stuff. :hug:

 

[Sweetpea76]

How do you best support your sufferer when they're feeling helpless, hopeless, or Link Removed is through the roof that they feel like they're dying everyday? I know I can't force him to go talk to a professional, but how do you help them work through these feelings?

I'm not sure there is anything you can really do. When my sufferer gets like this all I can do is hang in there, and hope that he can see that he is awesome enough that people want to hang in there for him.

 

[adriftatsea]

Thanks. Yea it's tough. Last night again he told me he just doesn't know what to do. He said he needs help and he doesn't know what me or any of his supporters are doing to help him. I tried to explain to him that I feel he needs to go talk to somebody and I'm doing everything I know to do to help (getting us back on our feet, found a job for income so we can get an apartment, get him a vehicle again, trying to be supportive and that I can help with our diet and exercise), but I'm not a licensed professional and I don't know how to help him the way they can. My parents try to help us the best they can, and I know if I asked for financial support to help with his therapy they would and they offered us to come and live with them.

I guess he's just so frustrated about everything and he admitted, and now I think I realize part of his heightened anxiety, that he's super anxious over my new job as I have to drive over an hour into a big city for work. I guess I never really though of that eating at his mind.

And yea I think you're right sweetpea and Nam, but it's just so hard to watch him struggle and come to terms with everything.

I suppose part of what he's going through is grief, because he's struggling I think with being angry over realizing he's going to be struggling like this the rest of his life and it's not fair he has to worry about running into family he doesn't want to see in town and angry his body/mind won't let him move out of our town.

And I know I need some type of therapy as it is hard. But I'd rather us spend our limited funds getting him into therapy. I do have some support or people I can talk to and I try to keep a journal and I can come on here and vent or get advice. But last night he tried to push me away again telling me it's not fair to me for having to put up with him and his ptsd and it's hard because no matter what I tell him or say he just gets upset with me and that i'm silly for thinking those things and then he really comes out with it and that it doesn't matter how I feel about it, that's what he feels and I totally agree.