How Does One Love Oneself?

[Hope4Now]

I am an expert at complicating things.

LOL. Me too. I love Pema Chodron. Started the whole meditation process by reading her book, then listening to her audio "When Things Fall Apart." I'll try the one you recommend!

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm curious, did it smell differently when being burned than when you bought it, or did you j...

I called to ask if they would take it back after I had burned it and they said NO. I was too embarrassed to ask them in person. ;) And yes, it smelled good before I burned it, and for awhile when I first started to burn it, but then there was an underlying odor with the aroma that smelled kind of like burning plastic or something, definitely unpleasant.

 

[Friday]

If you haven't come across this, yet, Sheila? It's one of the most common sense things I have ever stumbled upon (aka Pure Genius).
Discover Your Love Language - The 5 Love Languages®

And it's not only very much on point with giving/receiving love, but just from your posts on this thread I can guess your top 2 ways. :D But do take the quiz. No wrong answers!* All about getting to know yourself better.

That said; Nope. I don't love myself, and I don't show myself love. So I can't really give you any examples of how I do either. I love life. I love others. And while I may hate myself, I've never been overly fond of cruelty. I can hate myself, but still treat myself with respect, and treat myself nicely. Just because I hate myself, it doesn't follow I have to be mean, or cruel. Nor permit others to be cruel to anyone under my protection. Even me. In point of fact I go to rather a lot of effort to be as just as I can be. Not always an easy thing. Not always a hard one, though, either.

* One of the five ways (gifts) tends to be looked down upon by a rather large subset of the population. I used to be one of them. Until I had my son, and that's his primary language! :facepalm: It completely blew me away & opened my eyes (and heart and mind) to an entire world I knew nothing about, before. :happy: Talk about a cool gift, in and of itself!

 

[Teasel]

listening to her audio "When Things Fall Apart."

I love this book! Also started litening to audio of her, she's a lovely voice and such a sense of humour! Lovely lady

 

[Changing4Best]

If you haven't come across this, yet, Sheila? It's one of the most common sense things I have ever stumb...

OK, so I took the quiz, thanks. I have taken it before, but I thought I would take it again and do a refresher course in it with the focus of "How Do I Love Myself" with love languages.

My 5 results were:

Quality Time 11
Physical Touch 6
Acts of Service 5
Receiving Gifts 4
Words of Affirmation 4

So, now I have to figure out how to spend "Quality Time" with ME! I know that reading is one of my fav things. I especially love to read Memoirs and Biographies. The candle is not so much a "gift" as it is a thing that makes my environment special for myself. So I think it would improve the "quality of the time I spend with me." If that makes any sense?

I have already decided that I will go to whatever lengths it will take to find that Sweet Pea candle online, if I cannot find it locally. The store I bought it from went out of business here, so I doubt I will find it here in town, but I will look first, before I go online for it. I still have a lot of candle left in the one I own, so it has several hours left on it yet.

I guess that I should continue to HUG MYSELF, as this is my 2nd Love Language. And since acts of service is 3rd, I need to find ways to serve myself well. This is a hard one. I know I should do more to keep my home clean and prepare foods that are healthy and I like, but I hate cleaning and cooking. I did make myself some roasted red peppers this week though. So even if I just do that every week, I am doing myself a good service. Thanks for your thoughts, anyway, the quiz and its results were very interesting.

 

[Changing4Best]

I found one! My Sweet Pea candle was at the store which bought out the other store I bought it from. I just hope they continue to carry it once their supply of them runs out. They had at least one more that I could see, though there was one that was discolored that was in front of the one I bought. I felt that, that one would be tainted somehow, so I left it there on the shelf in favor of the brightly colored pink one, just like the one I have have had at home.

 

[Teasel]

I'm really pleased for you @SheilaKathy :happy:
Glad you found the one you really like!

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Rule number 138 of loving thyself (just kidding, it should be much closer to number one.....lol): Stop "shoulding" on yourself. :)

It took me a looooong time to flip my script on that one. I try to stay aware of that and rephrase what I say to myself now as, "I could likely benefit from ________." vs. "I should ______." or "I really need to ______." It helps the energies of what is weighing over my head as needing to be done feel a little lighter and kinder making the actual follow through a bit smoother, if I'm lucky.

 

[Friday]

So, now I have to figure out how to spend "Quality Time" with ME! I know that reading is one of my fav things. I especially love to read Memoirs and Biographies. The candle is not so much a "gift" as it is a thing that makes my environment special for myself. So I think it would improve the "quality of the time I spend with me." If that makes any sense?

Yep! :)

Also think about the things you would do with someone else (like your candle, to make things nice while you spend time together). Whether that's making the atmosphere nice, taking yourself out somewhere, cooking something special "for company", getting dressed up (or dressed down), doing things you enjoy, etc.

I think it would be really interesting to see what happens if you set aside an hour or three every single day to spend time with yourself like you were spending time with someone else... And maybe once a week give yourself a whole day (like a lot of people book all of Sundays for church, but still spend an hour or so a day at mass / prayer; because that relationship is important to them. While others spend an hour a day doing "family time" as well as 1 weekend day; because those relationships are important to them. Ditto x3 people spending an hour a day cleaning, and then one day a week running errands; because their home is important to them.) ... To see if/how your feelings about yourself change with the added TLC over time, learning to be important to yourself and really furthering that relationship. Not just if you enjoy, like, love yourself more... But also if with those needs being consistently met? If you start to trust yourself more, depend on yourself more easily, have more self confidence, etc.?

 

[Friday]

I guess that I should continue to HUG MYSELF, as this is my 2nd Love Language.

This is my #1 (quality time is #2 ;)). There's a whoooooooole lot you can do for physical touch. Less in the vein of getting a massage (although go for it if you like massage!), and more in the sensory.

- Paying extra attention to anything that touches you. Bedding, clothes, furnishings, food (texture as well as taste, smell, etc)., bathing, etc.

- Deliberately touching yourself. (The average person is touching their face 2,000 - 3,000 times a day!!!) But these are mostly unconscious gestures. Things you can do deliberately? Brushing your hair, massaging your face, crossing your legs, tapping your hand or drumming your fingers on your leg (instead of on another surface), stroking your arm, etc.

- Movement. Any kind of deliberate movement is a form of touch on the sensory scale. It doesn't have to be aerobic. Tai Chi is a very gentle example.

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, my Chiropractor instructed me to massage my left thigh muscle, because it tenses automatically without my telling it to or even being aware of it doing so sometimes. So I massage it whenever it hurts, if I become aware of it hurting. I cannot actually afford to get a massage, but I wish I could! Once in awhile a friend will massage my back for me if they know I am upset or just as a nice gesture. I love that!

In the winter I often use a heating pad for my back. I have lower back problems, so it really helps. I suppose that I could even use it now, though the weather is getting warmer. Sometimes I just use it to worm myself up, if I am feeling cold.

Sheets, yes, they are in the dryer right now. I will put the same ones back on the bed because I got them for Christmas and they have good memories attached to them.

I need to wash my towels and my comforter next. I guess it is early yet....

Tissues. I use them all the time, but sometimes I save them and use them a 2nd or a 3rd time. I should throw them out! I can afford to use them once only. And a used tissue can collect dust, which I don't need in my nose! Decision made. Check.

I think I need to buy myself a toy, a stuffed toy, a fuzzy bear would be nice....

 

[Becky]

I have been feeling kind of down of late, and it occurs to me that I need to find ways to LOVE myse...

I just want to affirm to you that you are inherently worthy of love and that any work you do on loving yourself is healthy and good. I'm sorry for all the negative messages you've received throughout life because the truth is, you are worth love.