How often can you/ do you ask for help?

[physicist13]

I have a friend who is my main support system at the moment, but I feel bad asking for help too often. Calling once a week (when upset) is my max, and if I've been upset for a few days I will just stop talking to people because I feel like it's unfair to friends to keep talking about PTSD depression and not just letting them live unafflicted life. Also when I'm really messed up about something I know I won't be able to have a good conversation about anything else, or be a good friend who can reciprocate any sort of help. None of my friends have ever said I talk about it too much, but I think in part that is because I continuously limit how much I will talk about PTSD and all the accompanying symptoms.
Anyways, how often do you think you can ask a person for help? How much is too much?
Or if you are a supporter, how many times per day/week/month are you willing to help your person? How often do they ask for help/ support?

 

[Muttly]

Ok, I am a lot like you. So, I am going to be saying a lot of the wise advice given to me. It's not advice, I've been able to take myself yet so I may be a bit of hypocrite here. heh.

There is no right amount or magically answer. It's going to vary from person to person and based on what is going on in there life. What you have to try to do, is something I find super, super hard. You are going to have to trust your supporter to hold their own boundaries. That means, sometimes when you reach out for help they may be ready and willing to give and other times they can't or won't. And when they can't or won't, your job is to accept it as a part of that moment. It's so easy to decide all sorts of horrible things, like you are too demanding or the relationship is over, or your problems don't matter, when really, it could be as simple as the supporter was having a bad day.

If you want some idea of how much help you can ask for, the best person to talk to is you supporters and friends. Find out what they are comfortable with. Find out if they feel empowered to say "no" to you. If they do, then that's someone you can go to as often as you need and know you won't drain them. Of course, how they say the "no" is going to be important, but a good healthy "no" is a gift. It means that person is strong enough to give when they can and do self-care when they can't.

 

[Muted]

Anyways, how often do you think you can ask a person for help? How much is too much?
Or if you are a supporter, how many times per day/week/month are you willing to help your person? How often

I usually avoid asking for help at all costs, unfortunately, this has only been reinforced by my therapist. I understand, she has appt. times only and so I don’t contact her anymore. I don’t contact friends usually either, I don’t like to be a nuisance and people have their own lives to deal with. I usually try and deal with stuff on my own, because when it comes down to it...you can’t count on anyone else.

 

[physicist13]

Ok, I am a lot like you. So, I am going to be saying a lot of the wise advice given to me. It's not advi...

Easier said than done, but thanks for the advice :)

 

[Freida]

guilty! I find that I tell each of my supporters only part of my dramas and traumas, partly because I don't want anyone to know the whole thing and partly because I'm afraid of burning them out. But - I do have a couple supporters who tell me I have no right to make that decision for them and that they will tell me when I'm being too needy.

So I guess I'm as hopeless as everyone else!

 

[EveHarrington]

Not enough!

 

[Friday]

Once every couple of years seems to be my average.

 

[MyWillow]

I don’t. Simples lol

 

[Teasel]

Me either.
Asking to meet up for a (no difficult subjects broached) lunch is hard enough. I manage that with a good friend about twice a year.

 

[The Albatross]

About half the time I "need" it after heavy self examination and a little beating myself up (figuratively).

 

[MrMoonlight]

I have never asked for help or even had a discussion about my stuff...not even with my sister who is very important and close. This site has been the only place in my life I have exposed pieces of my past. It's been in a dark hidden closet of my mind alongside the other locked cells.

I just asked for help from my new therapist..she now knows the somewhat cryptic bullet points I provided her...

 

[Cannottakethis]

I hate asking for help. My T is available 24/7 and I’ve only called on him a handful of times. My supporters...I don’t think of it as calling for help. I just call them and talk/vent/cry and they’re just used to it and since I met most of my friends in some kind of hospital or iop/outpatient setting, they do the same with me.