How open with others are you about your PTSD?

[Deleted member 47099]

I think you've gotten the full spectrum of answers here. I think it's fascinating how everyone has their own truth :)

There are people who are totally open about it, proving that it can be done. There are people who are super cautious, where it sounds like life as we know it will end if people find out. And lots of people in the middle. I think that's really interesting.

Also, all of those people are going about their lives, so all options are obviously possible and liveable. And all have benefits and drawbacks.

Sometimes disclosing something to someone works super well and is part of the healing journey. Sometimes it goes really poorly. Sometimes it backfires. Sometimes we don't know which it is or which it will be.

Life's complicated and confusing :D

To be honest, it probly doesn't make a huuuuge difference either way.

And yah, your supervisor could be being a cow about it. But she could've just been waiting "for any reason".

Sometimes we can't help disclosing... If someone sees us in the middle of a massive, messy panic attack... How're you gonna hide that? :facepalm: :laugh:

It's your choice... Like you said staying silent increases the shame and the secrecy. But disclosing can also have negative outcomes.

I don't think there's some magical-right-way. Gonna have drawbacks no matter what you choose, but also benefits.

I'd approach it like shoe shopping... Find the shoe that fits *you*. Everyone else is getting shoes that fit *them*.

And if you make some mistakes and muddles on *your* way, don't question your way too much. Everyone's way has mistakes and muddles on it.

 

[Abstract]

I realized that the diagnosis in and off it self did not explain anything or make my behavior any easier to understand.

The reality is that people know very little about what it means to have PTSD or even why it happens. Personally and professionally. Best situation is when it is someone interested enough to try to educate themselves and find out. In fact, think of how long it takes for even us to understand. Then you get to the issue of peoples biases or the pressures on them. When it comes to work mostly companies need to have result a to z. What we have or don't have is other than the point. They still need to have result a to z. Add in prejudice or lack of sympathy and things can get tricky.

I greatly admire people who are out there and being very vocal about their mental health. Its especially useful I think when it is people, like Alastair Campbell, who are seen to have "serious" jobs. However, for myself, I would want control over the situation. Over whom I would tell and when. Certain peoples situations are almost above being vulnerable and as a result that makes it easier for them.

 

[EveHarrington]

See all this talk has me wondering something now. I had a kinda blowout with a supervisor last week where I got pulled out of a possible promotion and I thought I was about to be fired. I was thinking about it and I couldn’t think of any motivation she would have, I haven’t done anything to her. But a couple weeks prior I did talk to her about having PTSD from multiple rapes and needing to go to the restroom sometimes to calm some anxiety because at that point I was a having a really really tough time. She seemed super understanding, but I’m historically terrible at reading people.

Maybe she thinks you’re “mental”...?

And then if you crack, it’s HER ass on the line for promoting you, and then her career is shot, too.

See how self preservation comes into play?

 

[Kubash16]

Maybe she thinks you’re “mental”...?

And then if you crack, it’s HER ass on the line for promoting you, and then her career is shot, too.

See how self preservation comes into play?

It’s definitely possible.

 

[Freida]

I’m curious just how open you are with others in your life about:

1. Your diagnosis
2. What caused the PTSD (and other stuff like anxiety)
3. If you were diagnosed later in life and had previously had confusing or frustrating behavior, did you explain where that behavior came from now that you know?

LOL - yea I don't. Just. don't.
Who knows? Some members of my family know, some don't. 4 friends. You guys
What caused it? - NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. I usually just say that people kept trying to kill me when I was in the military and people nod and say ...oh. Y'know, cause it's kind of expected

I wasn't diagnosed for decades and when she told me that's what I had I yelled at her because i was pretty sure she was an idiot.
Since then it has explained some things -- especially isolation and taking off. I've always done that -- now I know why. For the people who know I have it, I explain it as a symptom. That's all they need.

The supporters round here have taught me that it would be ok to tell people who love me. But I'm not there quite yet.

Don't put it on facebook unless you are ready for the shitstorm that will follow. And yes, there will be a shitstorm. People will argue on your page about whether or not you deserve to have it, or if you are crazy, or if you are just a drama queen. If you are looking for support find people you KNOW will support you. Not the sorta friends and friends of friends on facebook

 

[knuckles]

Oooh yeah. Just cos someone understands "the words" or "the concept" - doesn't necessarily translate to every day life AT ALL.

Can do, doesn't have to tho.

Exactly what I came to learn. And I guess that even if you meet someone who has personal experience with the same diagnose - that is precisely what they have; personal experience. Meaning they might have a very different take on the symptoms and the affect of them.

The reality is that people know very little about what it means to have PTSD or even why it happens.

I don't even think I knew much about my ADD diagnose. But I think in some way I was hoping that by labeling myself, other people would be able to better understand and accept, that I was a little different. But that was not what happened.
Looking back now I think that disclosing the diagnose did not further any actual understanding. And as for accept; I guess that some people will accept you, warts and all regardless of labels and explanations - and some will not accept you, no matter what you tell them.
Like you said, I think it takes someone with a genuine interest to learn about the unique individual, to reach a level of understanding. And in that case I am not sure a diagnosis makes any difference. That said, I know I (now) have a tendency to be wary of diagnoses in general - or maybe it's the diagnosing part that I am wary of to be more precise.

 

[Friday]

Sometimes we can't help disclosing... If someone sees us in the middle of a massive, messy panic attack... How're you gonna hide that? :facepalm::laugh:

LMFAO :roflmao::hilarious::roflmao:

So that’s happened to me twice in times/places with people who mattered...

The first time I woke up / came to some undisclosed amount of time later with my sgt pressure pointing me at my joints (shoulder, hip, knee,, so he was in total control if I lost my shit again, but very steady / calm if not) doing the nonstop talking in a low voice thing... Asked me if it was the first time I’d had one of those? Yep. Well get ready for a whole lot more! >>> It wasn’t considered a “PTSD” thing, just a cost of doing business thing, Iike nightmares. The end result was a long weekend being deliberately triggered over and over (and tackled to the floor over and over) until I was in control of myself no matter how badly I got triggered / loud noises by my head didn’t trigger me anymore.

The second time, years (almost decades) later the person hauled off and smacked me so hard across the face I hit the floor all whilst roaring. !!! :mad: !!! Pull yourself together!!! :mad: !!! Oh. Right. Yep. Hello. Thanks. I needed that. :blackeye:

So in the first case they knew what was up, because they did that, too... so did everyone else... the second, clueless about what was happening, but very insistent it stop, and stop now. Neither case was there an explanation demanded or given. Just an expectation of behavior going forward.

I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve gone balls to wall symptomatic around people who don’t matter. Sometimes they grok it (like the WWII vet who led me around the grocery store by the nose -when I was all lights on no one home- being a total sweetheart until I snapped out of it :inlove: Bless. That. Man.)... sometimes, or more often, they don’t, but it’s a huuuuuuge reason why I generally take myself off &/or isolate when doing badly. So people who matter don’t see me losing my shit.

 

[Abstract]

it’s a huuuuuuge reason why I generally take myself off &/or isolate when doing badly. So people who matter don’t see me losing my shit.

Snap. Will do just about anything not to let people notice.

But when it comes to spaced out most people in my life have thought of me as that. Its the normal. No questions asked very weirdly. As I have improved ironically that has drawn more attention. Can see people taken aback and their minds working overtime. My "presence" is disconcerting. Doing weird stuff in public receives the odd comment but nothing more.

Also ironic is how totally incurious and lacking when it comes to needing an answer the people directly in my life have been about this. Non responsive for hours. No questions asked. Shaking and incoherent. No questions asked. etc. No wonder I felt like a ghost although that wasn't all of it. I think part of it is that it seems, in between the other stuff, I give a very good impression of rational and in control and a maybe a lot of the dissociation wasn't terribly evident. Since I went mute and frozen a lot during trauma sometimes when flashing it looks like that too which I guess helps. A few work people have ended up possibly seeing me as having "issues" and I think one, who I seriously suspect has PTSD, sussed me out. She almost definitely sussed out the dissociation.

So to be clear, even when incidents like this happen I still don't disclose. I tend to see how I can spin it. ;-)

 

[eirecolleen]

Diagnosed when I was 48, used work as a coping mechanism until letting one trauma out, knew that there was something else, always knew, only recently found out root of it all, sent to specialised trauma centre for the 'troubles' here in NI, memories very patchy on event, turns out I was caught up in a bomb, aged 9, not injured physically, but the silence of it never left, here in NI we were expected to get on with it, it was not talked about. Only now able to talk about it