Relationship How To Cope With A Gf W/ Ptsd

[Tim888]

Hi I just fouind this thread and signed up as I am in a very similar situation and I was wondering about any progress?

 

[sugarlove]

It might be a late post but I do find that the more I love someone and the closer I feel towards them. The more likely my past traumas and hurt will surface. Eventhough I know deep down that my fears are unwarranted but I can't help but act towards that. I broke my ex bf's heart recently and I wish he was as patient as you to find out the reasons for my fears, that he was willing to protect me.

Trust that when she isolates herself or when she does not talk about her feelings, it's only because she is feeling deeply for you. It's really hard for PTSD sufferers like us who has been traumatised by relationships to trust that things will turn out to be okay. It's sad that the safer we feel in a relationship, the more likely flashbacks will come back to haunt us. But know that she loves you even when she doesn't show it.

Be patient with her, do not leave her alone. Be there for her even when she least deserves it because that's when she needs you most. The fear of abandonment really mess me up when my bf cut all communications with me. It's actually added on more stress to my Stress Cup. He wouldn't let me take my spaces when I feel overwhelmed and he wouldn't take the hints to slow down with our houses search so I can breathe. In the end, I caved. I completely shut down to the point I broke his heart.

So stay strong. When someone shuts down, don't forget she was majority of the time really really kind and beautiful to everyone. Don't give up on her! She will be back to herself soon!

 

[Aching65]

It might be a late post but I do find that the more I love someone and the closer I feel towards them. The more likely my past traumas and hurt will surface. Eventhough I know deep down that my fears are unwarranted but I can't help but act towards that. I broke my ex bf's heart recently and I wish he was as patient as you to find out the reasons for my fears, that he was willing to protect me.

Hi sugar love. This is exactly what I think I am facing. This rejection like she has totally giving up on our relationship and is moving on. Sometimes I feel my reading is biased and she tells me the truth that she wants out. It is so hurtful, but probably nothing compared to what you girls have to endure. But when you love her, you ache for her, you want to help her, support her as hard as you can and all you face is a wall.... What do you do?

 

[sugarlove]

I can't solve the issue for you as I"m not sure whole situation. But from my own personal experience, I will suggest to leave her alone for now. Do not take it as a personal attack when she pushes you away, it's easy to be prideful and thinks for yourself. Yes you are hurting but she is hurting a hundred times worse and she doesn't even know how to stop it.

I find that in my breakup, it seems that everyone was thinking about themselves, how they feel and never once realise that I was 99.9% of the time really nice and kind to them. So it feels really lonely and that the whole world is against you when you already have so much going on in your head and in your life. It's a terrible existence and one that needs a strong partner to be silent beside her while she battles it out in her heart. Like i mentioned, do not threaten to leave her, ignore her or make her feel like she is not important in your life. Just remind her gently you are around when she's ready to talk.

PTSD sufferers are really strong, it's so easy to go insane with so many conflicting flashbacks and realities. But there are definitely worse dealbreakers in relationships and if this is what you get with her, it's not that bad. Just have faith that your love is strong enough to over come it and for her to seek help. Have faith that it'll all end well in the end. :)

 

[shimmerz]

that I would be there no matter what I had to put up with.

For me this would be a triggering statement as I would not want to have someone put up with what I did. My idea of 'putting up with' may be very different from someone else's and mine may be a horror that I don't want to inflict upon someone else.

A ton of PTSD behviour is based on safety. Safety for the one with PTSD and the friends who stick by them. It hurt me to hurt others so I tried to keep them safe by distancing myself from them. To give them a break or because I knew my head was in a bad space.

It is so important I think in being a supporter to not get caught in being ungrounded in yourself. PTSD people need consistency, grounding, safety, calm and trust and although they may not believe in such, and may react to it in unusual ways, if you do not waver, and you offer it with no agenda - they still need these things first and foremost and may see later how very important this was to them.

 

[psychocandy]

Here's my thoughts. If you read up just on posts, you may confuse yourself. Read some books, maybe seek a therapist for your unique situation. Don't look for patterns for justification of her or your actions in the name of PTSD itself.

My relationship (and non relationship at times) changed over the years. To me its like your walking side by side in this life path, then bam your sufferer falls into a well every now and then. If you throw them a rope and say just climb out they may just get ticked off because they are overwhelmed and feel like crap cuz they are in the well and can't see the light you are shining down to them to let them know they are safe. And you can't possibly know what it feels like down there being alone. The best thing to do is not fall in the well yourself. If you really care, be open to a relationship where you have to let go and give them space. Love the person for their innermost being which is still present when they are in the well alone trying to cope with getting out on their timeframe.

 

[Deleted member 26314]

I feel as if I've done something wrong, but I keep looking back and I can't find anything that she could possibly be mad at me for. I feel like she is annoyed with me and all I want to know is if she is okay.

This. This is what drives me crazy with my boyfriend. I suffer from PTSD and I do what your girlfriend does, my boyfriend immediately things "S*** what did I do!?" and it makes me want to pull my hair out. You say your girlfriend is friendly, I am too, with my boyfriend, which makes me think she might be the type of girl to - if you did do something - she'd say so. If my boyfriend said something that upset me or did somethig, I would tell him out right. I wouldn't get distant or not talk to him, because I get distant (common with PTSD) when something in my mind makes me so. Usually when I feel like I've gotten too close or when I feel like I've done something I shouldn't have done with my boyfriend. Often when I am in one of my depressive modes, this happens and I would much rather stay quiet and not talk than communicate. When I am at my boyfriend's house and I am in one of these moods, I will usually just give him one word answers or shrugs, similar to that of someone with depression. It's not because he's done something, it's most likely because, I'm not in the right frame of mind to talk - whether that is due to a flashback earlier that day or whether it's to do with my trust issues or feeling like I am too close.

All I can suggest is don't push her, don't keep asking what you've done or what's wrong. Simply say to her, I'm here whenever you want to talk. Or ask her, very gently, "Are you alright?". Keep it simply, if she's not talking I highly doubt she wants someone in her ear, talking their mouth off to her.

I see you posted this a while ago, so I hope things have turned out okay for you.

 

[Todd radict]

Hi I am currently dealing with someone i care for deeply with PTSD . She hasn't gone to consouling yet and we haven't seen each other in two weeks. I contacted her last wednesday and then she blocked me from facebook. I am really trying hard to give her space and i am actually going to consouling myself. What books can i read to understand it better. I am here for her thru thick and thin. I wrote her a letter telling her so and my friend promised to read it to her. What else can i do?

 

[haltija]

I think the answer here is really simple. I have PTSD. She really might just want some space for a week or so. I think it's common for people with PTSD to feel smothered at times. I understand that's hard, but she might come to you when she's ready. If she doesn't, then it might be time to ask if she's really interested in a way that makes her feel safe so that she doesn't feel pressured or like she needs to make up excuses.