How To Learn How To Socialize

[Bloomy]

So I grew up in a war zone and rarely related to other human beings. Ive known all my life its been a problem, but before I had enough to deal with being in the midst of the trauma storm and wasnt able to deal with it.

Now Im doing an effort to heal and I see this is a huge disadvantage I dont know how the hell to be with others.
it only is it a disadvantage, but its also very painful. I want to relate and to be in human company and feel good.
I just dont have a clue to how one do that. Be your self simply dont cut it. Cause my self sucks so bad at it that If I were to "be my self" I would be by my self.

I realise I need therapy, but as for now I cant afford to.

Yesterday fex I went on what was supposed to be a lovely trip to some awesome place with some people. I cant figure out what is going on inside of me. Why do I have to be like I am. A gnom. And a grumpy one that is. I was def on my worst behaviour and despite I saw it I couldnt handle it. Or handle my self. So a lovely day turned inot a lovely and not so lovely day. I see the others pulling away from me and Im pulling away from them. Now I got a bad reputation for being a ill moody not nice person these people dont want to socialize with again. It hurts real bad. And even more so cause I dont have the faintest clue how to get out of my self to behave like normal human beings.

I dont know if any one can relate to this? Or if any has any good iput on it?

 

[Seasounds]

I relate to your experience.

How can I be at ease around people when I don't know even know how to relax around people? If I am myself around people, it makes most everyone more tense (makes them avoid me), including myself. I've been working on these social skills for quite a while. Bit by bit, it gets better. Nice to meet someone else, who is on the same learning curve.

I'll check back on this thread, to see how other people gather the social skills, and I will add what has helped me. (Need to sleep now.)

What have you done that helps?

 

[Bloomy]

Before I read a lot of self help litterature cause I was extremly introvert and hardly dared to even look at people. Ive reflected on my own behaviour and how I can become an seemingly extrovert. I also tried the "how to be nice and polite" recipy after reading all them books. I think do after really bad experiences in work life I got a severe backlash where Ive been thinking that my niceness isnt good enough anyway. It seems Ive withdrawn into a very hurtful selfbelive Ill ever be good enough.

I reckongnice what you say about not being able to relax around people. I guess this is an issue for me to @Vandya

 

[pixel]

@Bloomy and @Vandya there is a fantastic thread on this:

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/learning-interpersonal-skills.61971/

Have a look, you'll pick up some excellent tips!

 

[BlueOrange]

I've found roleplaying conventions extremely helpful for learning to socialize - when you're playing a game about socializing, it's a great opportunity to practice skills, and to get a level of feedback on what was happening that you tend not to get when socializing for real. (Even when socializing for real with the same people - it's easier to talk about what characters do than it is to talk about what players do.)

I'm mildly envious - Nordic Larp is internationally famous for the way that it engages with emotions and social skills, and your flag suggests that you might be able to find such an event within range of where you are. (I have no experience of it myself, I've never been able to afford the trip from Australia.)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I dont know if any one can relate to this? Or if any has any good iput on it?

Do I relate? I am you. I am also struggling with being around people and asked my therapist "how do normal people meet others?" He told me to go to a place over and over and there are regulars everywhere.

I actually posted about this exact same thing. The replies were to start getting used to being around people so i can relax a little and not be on guard all the time. Learn to look at people and not the ground. Learn to comment people like shoes, a shirt/blouse etc.

I havent been able to do any of this yet. Just what i was advised to do. I just wanted you to know you are so not alone in this! :hug:

 

[stream26]

Start paying more attention, watch what other people say and do, you can start to learn, and then try stuff yourself. It's not as difficult as you fear it is, you're socializing right now by posting on a message board. You just say something, and people say things back

 

[lostforgottensoul]

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/learning-interpersonal-skills.61971/

Aww! I feel sort of honored that you referenced my thread. I have no idea why i feel honored but i do. :hug:

@Bloomy, If you want some more tips of interacting with people in real life there are some great tips in this reply of my thread (the one I was trying to summerize in my first reply here): https://www.myptsd.com/threads/how-did-you-meet-your-closest-friends.63472/#post-1040041

But all of the replies are great.

My point in the thread was the same thing here but I thought that if I asked how others met their closest friends that I could pick up tips but looking back I likely should have titled it and asked about the same as you are here. It was that week's homework, to go and sit at a place by myself but I wasnt able to get that far.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I just have casual conversations with strangers I meet when I am waiting for something at times. I do not do well in large groups and am really weak in that area so that needs some work. I wish you the best on your adventure of learning.