How To Make Your Self Unpopular

[Bloomy]

Thats me. Makin my self unpopular. I dont need to be liked be everyone and everybody. But this is a little to much for me when rarely anyone does.
I wonder what the heck is wrong with me? How do I manage to make most of whom I meet with draw from me? It really hurts. And I have no clue whatsover to how I look like I appear from outside?

Yes I know the trick about asking people how I appear and Ill do that. Soon. Just dreading.

Tomorow is an event. Ive invited people. And yes they want to go. Just not with me.

Also it seems Im managing to make my self not the most pop person here on ptsd. I see how people here reltate to others ,but not really so much to me. Im not accusing any body as its just what I see and state. If I accuse any one is my self for not understanding how one is supposed to relate to other people.

I grew up alone. Family never related to other family members. Guess that there is a clue here. Guess that is one of the things you are supposed to learn in upbringing. Ive just learned that is better to stay away.

Not sure how Ill go along with healing when this relationship issue keeps coming u and I feel more and more wounded with each encounter with other human beings.

Accept and be yourself and youll be fine they say - well tried that. My self doesnt seem to be an appealing person to others

Any input on this? Maybe I can ask you guys here how you percive me after how you know me here on this site? Good or bad critic is welcome as both contribute.

 

[Justmehere]

Tomorow is an event. Ive invited people. And yes they want to go. Just not with me.

Did they say this and did they communicate why?

Also it seems Im managing to make my self not the most pop person here on PTSD. I

What leads you to believe you are unpopular here?

I think the first step is confirming if you are or are not unpopular and if it has anything to do with you. It may not.

 

[Bloomy]

They said so yes and they said they have other things to do. Heard that one before and then I see them go anyway just without me.

Ok I think I see your point @Justmehere. Ive tried for the longest time to belive it has nothing to do with me. But when others get invited and I dont... I can see on face what people are up to and that Im not included in that.

Bad circle Im in I know. Cause the more wounded the more wounded I behave and push people away from me. And I really have no clue how to change that.

An ex is a guy I met for some time ago. He is per se not speaking to me. And I know for fact since he said it he had enough. People want happy friends.

I want so bad to break out of it. Ive told myself to behave when in public and Im working really hard on that. Be nice. Or atleast not to much on.

 

[Ronin]

Maybe I can ask you guys here how you percive me after how you know me here on this site?

As an incredibly strong, gentle, smart and caring woman.

It's how you perceive yourself that matters. Everyone else in your life is a stranger. :)

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I live with PTSD and I have never "fit in". I'm very sorry you are living it. I can tell you that trying to please everyone is not the way to go.
I wonder what it means to you to accept yourself.
My experience is "accepting myself" is a process. I was (sometimes still am) so busy trying to please others, I never found out who I was.
How can one accept an unknown self?
I think some people were heard and accepted early on. Some, are not.
That you are asking your question is not a bad thing. It is a choice. You can stay in your current painful negativity or you can try to focus on you.
How's what you're doing now working out for you?

I am certainly not saying taking a different course is not painful. It certainly is but it is the pain of growth not the pain of being trapped. Focus on the things you enjoy. Besides the computer or TV. Try new things and be aware now is your time to make a friend with yourself. There can be some surprising fun and meaningful moments.

Nice to meet you Bloomy :)

Alice

 

[Rani G2]

@Bloomy

Thats me. Makin my self unpopular.

The strong assumption you have about yourself is being confirmed everytime people reject or dismiss you. This could be a selective perception? Maybe?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I also fit in no where in real life. I am the odd one that no one wants to be around and the look on their faces when you know they are laughing at you or not wantinf to be around you and are doing so because of pity is the worse sinking hurt. It is horribe.

But here. Here I can be myself and be mostly accepted. Like in all things you have some that dislike you but in the most part I think i am fitting in here. Though it took a while.

How I few you? As a strong, kind, wise individual. It shocked me when you said you felt disliked here. Im so sorry you feel that way! But i like you! I know that doesn't mean much but I do! :hug:

 

[sedna]

Thats me. Makin my self unpopular. I dont need to be liked be everyone and everybody. But this is a litt...

I can understand how you feel @Bloomy, I have two separate opinions that I dont know if they'll be helpful or not.
In my former life, because outside of work related stuff Ive been in extreme self imposed isolation for almost 10 years, anyway, before that , I had to socialize a lot, it was a part of my lifestyle I couldnt get out of.

I did notice something about people, especially women, they dont want to make friends with people that are percieved as having larger or more complicated problems than their own

Often they'll say the persons a downer or they dont have time to be 'helpful ' to someone who feels troubled. . Even if that person never complains really, but just has an aura of heaviness or emotional pain that others can sense.

What interested and frustrated me about that usually, is only occasionally did I see the validity in what they were saying. Many of these happy well adjusted peeps judging others were self absorbed pains in the ass and very demanding.
They just ' presented'. better socially.

I had to fit in, and also create social events that meant micromanaging some of this BS, it was a very big lesson in life for me, and it taught me a lot about when people really matter, and when they don't.

Sometimes if you feel like people are brushing you off, youre putting too much importance on what causes it. Most people want to feel like they are the center of positive attention. some demand it. When people like that disappear, its a good thing.

The forum question is interesting, I never noticed you seeming unlikable at all for any reason personally.

I think quite a few people here dislike me also, and I can see why. Im working on my rusty personality issues and quirks.

You havent struck me as someone here that has issues like that or is hard to feel genuine warmth towards at all.

Should I go through some old posts and try to find where you were a rampaging bitch? Lol, Im sure I wouldnt find anything very off putting or hate worthy Bloomy. I think the calmer posters tend to get a little ignored in threads, but that is because they're being taken for granted, its not the same thing as being disliked.

I hope something in there made sense or helped you sort that feeling out, its possible I missed your point somehow- its just that I see quite a few irritating offenders around here, myself included on occasion, I hate to see you feel like you're one of them when you're probably not.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Hi Bloomy,

How you are feeling is shared by many here. Perhaps it's one of those challenges many PTSDers often face.

I used to look for constant comfirmation that everything was okay in my interactions with people. If someone complimented me, I counteracted by pointing out the flaws instead of simply saying, "Thank you" and moving on.
My tone often sounded offended because parts of me thought they were mocking me or pitying me and just being nice so they could feel okay with themselves.
If someone was sending off a vibe they were upset, my well developed survival skill picks it up immediately. My first impulse was to find out if I was in any danger. That meant going out of my way to eventually ask if they were mad at me. Once knowing they were not, my anxiety lessened and it was obvious (to them not me) my concern was not for them but myself.
These kinds of interactions put people off because for one it's very energy draining for them. It makes a person seem "all about me" or trying to create drama for attention and a manipulator.
They were right. I was just unaware of it. I was aware of the pulling away, the avoidance and such but that made me try to get their attention more.
Here's one of the things I learned. Most of those people I was trying so hard to get to like me? I didn't really like or have anything in common with anyway.
It might help if you worked on changing your thoughts. It helps me.

 

[Rani G2]

My first impulse was to find out if I was in any danger. That meant going out of my way to eventually ask if they were mad at me.

My approach is similar Alice.in.Wonderland. When I feel that someone has a certain attitude, I tend to make them the way I want them to be. That ofcourse never happens. If I feel insecure, I ignore people, pretend I am powerful, I never show others I need them. Which comes off as arrogance. I usually like to be seen as someone tough and intelligent. The more I try, the more I feel small and insecure.

You see Bloomy, still working.

 

[shimmerz]

Einstein was odd. Didn't have a ton of people who could relate to him. Many great mathematicians as well. DaVinci was too busy painting to get invited to parties.

I am learning that friends are highly over rated.

This question about how board members see you may have somewhat to do with your internal sense of self. I haven't noticed anything less than caring, compassionate, level headed and more great things from you Bloomy.

 

[anonymous]

Sadly it's like the real world in here. I mean that people flock to the non-PTSD issues threads and they are many pages long while some other threads about real PTSD issues barely get any replies. There are people here who post problems constantly but I couldn't say what their trauma is or symptoms they experience because they never write about PTSD or its effect on their life. (Maybe almost never? I stopped reading them awhile ago when I realized they aren't here to solve PTSD related issues.) Yet their threads are pretty long, longer than most, and they have lots of support.

My point is that it's not you. This forum imitates life and in life people don't want to deal with PTSD and that echoes here on the forum to an extent.

It's kind of sad when you think about it.