How To Overcome Paralysis?

[bankhead]

I am stuck in shut down. And I have been for many years. I must find a way to get functioning. The price for my shut down is so huge. I have not been able to get things done. And work is one of those things. My house is a huge wreck and I spend time on the computer as a way to avoid what needs to be done.

But those things that need to be done trigger such anxiety and that is the root of my evil.

I have just begun cranioscacral therapy as I am convinced that only doing body work will release this. I feel certain that I have identified all those things that are holding me back. One of the final pieces of that puzzle was understanding that what I experienced has been processed in me at traumatic. I live in a state of adrenal overload.

No one wants to get past this trauma more than I do and yet still I sit stuck. Has anyone else experienced anything similar AND overcome it? I would love to hear about it.

 

[mamachick]

OMG I am so stuck and paralized and dont know what to do. I have done less and less until now I just exist. I do the thing that requires the least energy (read, tv, computer) and little else. I am not a lazy person. I use to be busy 12 hrs a day. I am so paralized.

This sounds really dumb, but I have thought that I need to be in a program, like a 90 day program that is structured where you re-learn, maybe not re-learn, but re-motivate into life skills. I know how to do them but my body will not move. I will go thirsty, hungry, etc just to stay in my chair. I spend a lot of time in bed.

My mood is better than it use to be, less anxiety or depression. Just numb. Not much feeling about stuff. But know that doing almost anything makes it so uncomfortable I just cant.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I've been experiencing this problem and have found it to be a spectrum from paralysis to supported.

First, the worst of it which is a physical sensation that feels like a chemical or hormone is being released from my brain and it floods through to the rest of my body. It's like, my brain tingles and I catch my breath. I know it's coming, and then the rest of my body tingles and goes numb. Fear. Frozen in fear.

This can happen to me when I'm overwhelmed by what I need to do, or overwhelmed by how I feel about what I need to do. Perhaps, I had just started to get myself motivated and then I look around at what I'm going to do first... and there's too much, then I'm struck by this paralysis until I aquiesce to remain seated and do nothing.

Another stage of it isn't really paralysis, but I'm sure I appear the same to my family. I think it's denial or procrastination. "It's okay, I can do that later", "I've still got time". Oh, and I bargain with myself... so, I start counting minutes before I HAVE to go get my kids... let's see, if I don't ______ then I can sit here another 15 min. And, so things get put off that way too. Or, I'll decide that I just HAVE to check the forum before I leave, or respond to an email, or I haven't said hi to my friend yet... and I should do that before I go. I'm not sure about how to break out of this stage, because when I try to break out of it, Sometimes, it leads to that first and worst paralysis I mentioned. I want to avoid that feeling. It's terrifying, yet comforting in a disturbing way.

The best feeling related to this issue, is when I suddenly feel lighter and capable. This, I think, happens when my husband has listened to me, validated me, supported me, lifted some of the burden or helped me break it down into smaller pieces. It can also happen when forum friends have inspired me, supported me, lifted me up either by talking about their own decisions to accomplish something that will make their day go smoother, or they've helped me break down my overwhelming feelings so I can see why getting off this chair is so frightening to me.

Basically, my whole day is on this spectrum. I'm always feeling something between supported and paralyzed. I'm not sure how to reach out for support, so I guess it's just lucky when I get it and then I can get to work on relieving some of the tension in the household by completing some tasks that will make the day go smoother... like a snowball effect... once the good feelings start, then I can keep them going for awhile. But, they always dissipate, and I always return to somewhere between supported and paralyzed. When I get into that procrastinating stage... then, obviously that one is the beginning of the end for me, being that, once there I'm afraid I'll get paralyzed if I try to motivate myself.

I don't know if this is similar to how you feel when you get paralyzed or not, but I thought I'd mention it because I've been struggling with it for some time now. I need to figure out how to communicate my feelings to people. I think that will help.

 

[bankhead]

OMG brat, we need to talk and form some kind of support group. Musiklover make it a threesome and encourage one another. I need to get out of this but the more I think about it the worse it gets. This morning I have been on my computer avoiding all responsibilities.

I am getting ready to go have lunch with my child at school Here is a commitment that I will get to work cleaning his room when I get home.

 

[soulofLC]

I am also stuck in this paralyzed state. I don't know how I got here, or how to get out. If you start a support group, please consider me as a candidate.

I also procrastinate, or more to the point, am just shutting down. Staying on computer or alternately, in bed watching movies or sleeping. Avoiding taking care of self. It is getting to be code red.

I am somewhere between hurt and numb. They alternate.

My house is also a huge mess, with papers everywhere that need attending to. I have also gradually acumulated all of my things from various storage units. Which is good, cause I could't afford to keep paying for the units.

But my apartment is now the storage unit. What to sell; what to keep. I can't even decide what I want or don't want. I just keep walking around it all. It is like a maze. I can't have anyone over. Self-imposed isolation? Not fun.

If my landlord saw it, he would probably kick me out. Or at least wonder at my lack of organization...it is probably a fire hazard.

People say, get some friend to help you. I don't have any friends that are that helpful! Or patient!

It is bringing up anxiety just writing about it.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I have days or weeks when I'm stuck and procrastinating. But I find my way out.

When I dissociate, I stop and my brain and body don't work. But I'm almost more afraid of people looking at me and seeing how terrified I'm feeling, than of the fears that are causing the dissociation. So, if I'm in public, that fear of stopping has enabled me to get up and get out of the situation.

But, I also procrastinate, and when there's things I need to get done, I can spend hours on the computer or just thinking or trying to relax. When actually the most relaxing thing to do, would be to get the thing done.

I apologise if the next bit doesn't make sense. I can only think of an analogy to describe the feeling. I guess its like the stress cup analogy that Antony has used.

Sometimes when I want to exercise or get a job done. It is almost like carrying a cup that is full to its brim. I feel like if I dare to move, it will spill, so I fear moving at all and come to halt.

When I manage to force myself to move, the cup of emotions does spill - I cry or talk crap, or write stupid emails of emotional overflow. Before I had a PTSD diagnosis, it was a real problem because friends didn't get it, and nor did I.

But what I understand now, is that letting those emotions overflow and talking all that crap, has been the thing that has kept me moving.

Obviously, being uncontrolled and not being able to explain what was wrong with me (although I was never harmful to them) has meant that I've lost friends, or driven them away. So I don't know if it has been constructive or destructive for me.

But I recognise that its more painful to keep still for fear of spilling that emotional cup, than it is to spill it.

 

[soulofLC]

Thank you Meadowsweet, I think you hit a nerve. It is painful to keep the cup still. That is exactly what I am doing.

I too have lost friends and family to this thing. But I can spill it over here now in my diary (although that has proved hard) hopefully instead of to persons in my life...although it still happens that I lose my "composure." Talk about understatement!

Thank you for reminding me that the stress is in the undone. How true. How to start though? I make promises to myself that I do not keep, creating more stress. Perhaps the old adage of taking one thing at a time is good, but that is also stressful when your cup is so full. I want to dump the whole mess!

How do you start to move? Any suggestions? Write a lot in my diary first? Just picking your brain. Ignore if I am pressing too hard.

 

[Meadowsweet]

SoulofLC, I think you've answered your own question. Just start writing in your diary. Just write whats in your head. It doesn't matter if no one gets it. At least its coming out.

 

[soulofLC]

Thanks Meadowsweet. I will do that. There is a lot going on up there. Painful to write; painful not to!

I took a break from diary because it was so stressful and waiting for meds to get stable. I am a bit less raw now; perhaps it is time to try again. I will give it a go.

 

[bankhead]

meadowsweet - the loss of friendships has been a huge wound for me and I am getting more in touch with that loss as I move forward using this "felt sense" focusing. Boy is it painful. Painful living in it and painful moving out of it and going back into that pain that I pushed down, down, down. Painful not having anyone to tell about it to, someone who is patient and caring.

 

[bankhead]

I am also stuck in this paralyzed state. I don't know how I got here, or how to get out. If you start a support group, please consider me as a candidate.

Let's help one another. I'm not sure how it will work but what a difference it would make to have another someone who fully understands what is going on. I'll write more later when I have more time.

 

[mamachick]

I did not know this was so common. What a great thread. I use to be overly responsible and an over achiever, I always had beds made, dishes done etc before leaving early for work.

Along with this, my sleep is very erratic, I need lots of sleep and the 24 hr cycle does not seem right for me. I have trouble falling asleep, waking up, and need many hours in between. Anybody else??