How To Remember?

[watundah]

I would like to remember more of my childhood. These are ancient memories and repressed, so it will require some heavy lifting. I'm trying writing but nothing new came up although it does stir old feelings which is important, too. I read a suggestion to draw a map of the house and neighborhood where you grew up, identifying where things happened. I will try that next. I'd love to hear suggestions. I've plowed through all the photos I have. Wondering if simply focusing on thinking about the past will encourage recall.

 

[Jnean]

I heard music could help. Music that was from the same time frame or music that you may have heard growing up.

 

[joeylittle]

Any sensory prompts - photos, yes, but also smells (what was the cleaning fluid, shampoo, cooking), sounds (vintage TV, was there a radio playing around the house), taste, touch.

Smell can be especially powerful - that's the one I would invest some time in.

 

[katz]

I would like to remember more of my childhood. These are ancient memories and repressed, so it will re...

Hi, watunhah
I have been going thru this same issue for years. I have a journal of pictures, drawings, photos and writings that is more than 4 inches thick and can back over 30 years! I completely agree with joeylittle about sensory. Some of my strongest "memories" are from those alone (smells, sounds and even shapes). I have even gone back to the old neighborhood and taken photos, just trying to "grasp the feelings" so I could remember. I listen to music and often take walks to clear my head and try to remember.

It took me years to completely convince myself that they "all" even happened. No one in the family would believe me--and probably never will. One of my biggest problems is with "feeling" the memories. I went on line and started a collection of pictures to help me to try to "feel" the emotions. I was able to be very specific when I put in my search. I gave the approximate age I thought I was, color of my hair, even where I was seeing myself back then. It gave me a starting point to look for the "little girl in the mirror". As time went by, I was even able to start canceling some of them out. I was able to "home in" on what I was feeling and find the appropriate pictures of the feelings. I also know that sometimes the "adult me" has to interpet the "child me", and find the right words to describe the feelings. I often had to stop and sit and -actually wait- for the grown up to find the right words.

Like you, I really want to remember. I know that I won't remember it all. I have learned that the human brain protects us. I don't know if I will ever know all of it, I just know that I want to remember "enough" for me.

Keep in mind that you will only remember enough to deal with at any given time. When I had too much overload, I ended up in the hospital. When I got out, it took me years to get back to where I had been. I hate the so called "waiting" that I have to do, but I know that I don't want to overload again. Sometimes these memories come in my dreams and need to be interpreted, so I write them down. Then when I go back, sometimes years later, I can completely understand them. I was able to figure out some of my own feelings and reactions to simple things. (Example, I know now why I hate the color yellow.)

I have also realized and learned why all my memories are from the 3rd person. (Looking down and watching these terrible things happen) Maybe I won't ever remember them from the 1st person. I don't know.

As the stories have been growing over the years, I can see so much of me and what makes me who I am. You might take a look at the past that you "do" remember and look for some clues. You might find just enough to satisfy you for now. It may also open some new doors of new memories to look at. Just promise me not to go too far. Respect yourself and you will remember only what you need, and can handle at any given time. There is no rush. The memories aren't going anywhere. You will always have them to remember when "you" think your ready.

The best of luck to you-

 

[watundah]

Thank you @katz Interestingly, I started doing non dominant hand writing exercises with my inner child and all kinds of things came out. It was revealing to the point of almost overwhelming. Amazing detail and a lot of emotion.

I have odd little visions come up that aren't necessarily traumatic but I can feel the discomfort that hung over the household all the same.

It's as though we're putting together a giant jigsaw puzzle but a couple of pieces fell out of the old torn up box.

 

[cat-lady]

For me new memories surface when my mind decides I'm ready for that, not when I decide I'm ready for that. Typically trying to make myself remember hasn't worked. I notice that I get new memories whether or not I want them went something happens to make me feel more secure in my life. For example, a few months after becoming financially independent I got a huge bunch of new memories. I've heard others say the same thing about getting into a secure relationship that they feel supported in. I think if your current life is in a place that makes those hidden parts of you feel more safe and secure it is more likely that memories will come back.