How Would You Feel About Your Therapist Working With Perpetrators?

[anonymous]

what if she were working with young perp/victims?

That wouldn't, and doesn't, affect me in the same way. I think there is a difference between children acting out abuse and adults choosing to perpetuate the cycle of abuse.

Would it make a difference to you if those 'abusers' had also been victimized?

I honestly don't know.

 

[Ronin]

@anonymous, maybe just focus on if you can handle knowing that she worked with any perpetrators, or not.

Don't focus on the detail, figure how you feel about your compatibility after learning of that fact.

It's completely alright if it's something that you just can't handle knowing of people that you're supposed to trust. You and your boundaries come first.

 

[anonymous]

To me would matter what her stances are, and that she won't victim blame the victims or insist on bullshit like 'but perpetrators couldn't help themselves, they were in difficult circumstances themselves!'.

Yes. And based on my work with her so far I wouldn't expect that to be her stance. It's certainly not something she's said and she's been pretty clear that 'reasons' don't equal excuses.

maybe just focus on if you can handle knowing that she worked with any perpetrators, or not.

This is what I'm trying to work out. And probably need to talk over with her. I'd just like to try and get the issues clearer in my head first.

 

[anonymous]

After showing my Y pictures of my brother who was my main abuser, she said "he has sad eyes." and asked if I thought my mother had abused him too. The sad eyes comment had me reeling for several weeks. For me I was feeling things very black & white. Either she was on my side or "their" side. It took me a while to absurd someone could have compassion for an abuser but still be my advocate.

 

[Justmehere]

Good therapy involves having a good theraputic alliance.

It means you and your therapist are allies.

It makes sense that it would feel confusing, weird, even triggering, to find out that your ally, is also in a therapeutic relationship, a theraputic alliance with perpetrators.

My trauma therapist (in fact all three that I have seen) have also worked with perpetrators. Intellectually, I'm glad for it. Intellectually, I think it's a good thing and it doesn't make me think of her or the the rosy any different, and maybe even makes me think more of her.

Emotionally, yeah, it's confusing and unsettling.

I really encourage you to talk to your therapist more about your reaction to it. It is my guess that they will be able to help you sort through it. Talking through my own emotional reaction to that helped me to be able to trust the therapist even more over the long haul - and I don't trust easily at all.

 

[anonymous]

For me I was feeling things very black & white. Either she was on my side or "their" side. It took me a while to absurd someone could have compassion for an abuser but still be my advocate

And we're you able to reach that point? Was it through talking with your T about it, or did you get there yourself?

 

[ladee]

The thing that keeps going thru my mind, is why did she share this with you. When I am with my T, that time is about ME. Not her other patients.... I don't think I would care who she works with, but would want to know why she told me.

 

[anonymous]

When I am with my T, that time is about ME. Not her other patients....

I don't want to go into the specifics of the conversation here really, but it was in context with other things we were talking about.
She was attempting to dispel some of the self blame I have about the abuse. So I had been saying things along the lines of 'If I had done x differently...' or 'If I had responded to y differently...' and she was countering it by saying that he would have found a way to justify it anyway whatever I had done. The mention that she had worked with perpetrators came up in this by way of her saying that having worked with perpetrators she was aware of the ways they find to try and justify and excuse their behaviour and that he would have found his own way of doing that anyway.

 

[anonymous]

and I don't trust easily at all.

Ha, yeah, me either! And unfortunately this has come at a time where I've basically spent the last couple of weeks needing her reassurance on trust stuff - not because of anything she had done, just because of my own insecurities and some of the content we're working on currently I've been feeling even more vulnerable recently.
I suspect that that is also playing a significant part in my reaction to this.

 

[anonymous]

And we're you able to reach that point? Was it through talking with your T about it, or did you get there yourself?

The sick feeling has lessened. I still get confused and have to talk myself back to rational thought. Talking with T helped. We're still working on it though.

 

[joeylittle]

So I had been saying things along the lines of 'If I had done x differently...' or 'If I had responded to y differently...' and she was countering it by saying that he would have found a way to justify it anyway whatever I had done. The mention that she had worked with perpetrators came up in this by way of her saying that having worked with perpetrators she was aware of the ways they find to try and justify and excuse their behaviour and that he would have found his own way of doing that anyway.

I had a very similar exchange with my therapist. He worked with perpetrators in two settings - inpatient, and inside the prison system. Both were areas that he chose as part of the hours towards getting his license. He said it was important to him to know how he (therapist) would react in situations where he was working with clients who he had real moral problems with; sort of like an advanced challenge in how to remain impartial. He said he was glad he did it, because he learned a lot about the deviant mind, but that also he could never do it again - and he discovered that when someone came into his private practice and admitted to beating his wife. My therapist had to refer him out, just as soon as he was able to get the wife into sessions as well and help her get out of the relationship.

Therapists work with many different populations as part of their training. I understand why you'd feel odd about discovering it, and it's really great that you are piecing out the 'why'. Perhaps you can talk with her about it more - I know that those 'me and you' client/therapist conversations can be odd and stressful, but she'd very likely address a lot of the things that are making you feel weird.

 

[scout86]

My T has worked with perpetrators as well. And that kind up in the context of what "those people" are like, as well. He said that he doesn't, typically, enjoy working with them because it's unusual that they actually want to "get better". For the most part they just want to manipulate people, make excuses, and find ways to not be responsible for their actions. He said that he prefers working with people who are actually trying to learn something and make their lives better. I actually kind of appreciated being able to talk about the kind of person who does that stuff with someone who knows first hand and I think would tell me the truth.