How Would You Tell Someone You Love?

[Healing Reins]

She doesn't believe in triggers[DOUBLEPOST=1399083353,1399083204][/DOUBLEPOST]In the US they can still report if they don't have any identifying details.

 

[zeckster81]

Your therapist is not a mandated reporter if you are over the age of 18 AND you do not give identifying details. I have mentioned this in at least one other thread but I'm not sure if it's not sinking in? I'm not trying to be rude, rather it seems that you are not understanding the law and/or setting up your own road blocks.

Your therapist is not a mandated reporter if you are over the age of 18 AND you do not give identifying details. I have mentioned this in at least one other thread but I'm not sure if it's not sinking in? I'm not trying to be rude, rather it seems that you are not understanding the law and/or setting up your own road blocks.

I don't remember it. Maybe she didn't read it. I don't read every thread typed on here. Plus it sounds like she is young and confused by what happened to her.

 

[Healing Reins]

Let me try to explain this. She can still make a report. Nothing might happen- it's more the fact that she will make the report that frustrates me. She can still make a report[DOUBLEPOST=1399084547,1399084421][/DOUBLEPOST]She said she would still make a report if someone took advantage of me

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

You 'love' who? Your youth leader or your therapist?

I don't see any healthy relationships here to be honest.

 

[ghotiff]

I really feel for you @Healing Reins . I love the comments from @Solara

It is your voice. It is your choice to speak out

And having a voice means that you speak out IF and WHEN you are ready, not when someone else says its time to speak out

I am surprised that a therapist would have to report it (but I don't know the laws). My sexual assaults were over 2 decades ago, so that aspect is not relevant to my T. If you don't tell the T the assaulters name (or other identifying info) then I would think the T would have nothing to report.

If you are comfortable, please tell me what country/state you are in and I will look into the legality for you. If you are anything like the rest of us....you might just not be able to do this for yourself at the moment.

She doesn't believe in triggers

My personal opinion.....Don't tell anyone anything if they have informed you that they don't believe in triggers....they could hurt you further.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I just keep getting the feeling that people around you are taking advantage of you Healing Reins. Every time you post you have those strange ideas of what someone else has the right to report/tell/make you do. They don't.

 

[Healing Reins]

I know she doesn't really have the right the report...but she still will report. We had this conversation last night it went something like this.

Me: So if I tell you this thing will you report?
YGL (Youth group leader): I have told you for what seems like a million times, if it is rape I will report it, if it is sexual abuse I will report it, if someone took advantage of you I will report it..
Me: Oh..Okay. Is there anyway you won't report it?
YGL: No
Me: Any way at all?
YGL: Stop asking.
Me: But why do you want to report it?
YGL: (goes on to give a speech about her civic duties and how she feels the need to report it)
Me: Oh...okay...well thanks!
YGL: Your welcome. :)

That is basically what our conversation was like. It isn't strange It's what will happen if I tell her.

@open eyes answered my question so that's really all I needed. I just needed a way to say I was raped with out saying I was raped.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Honestly...she sounds like she is taking advantage of you just so she can feel like she 'did the right' thing and was some kind of hero.

 

[Ryn]

I realize you know your leader better than any of us, so I don't mean to make assumptions or step on any lines, but from the conversation you quoted and the general feeling I am getting from this lady, she is not the right person for you to go to. With phrases like "I have told you a million times" and even "stop asking," I am really appalled by her lack of sensitivity, kindness, and most of all respect in dealing with this situation. For all the qualities she may possess and however much you trust her, sometimes there are simply far better people suited to support you in certain ways. I know I have had to learn this the hard way when I have placed certain things on certain people that they were simply not well-equipped to handle for whatever reason. This doesn't mean your leader is a horrible person and it certainly doesn't mean you have no other options - I just feel, as someone who knows how hard it can be to tell people and who feels friendly concern for you, that you should look elsewhere.

But it is your decision, and the last thing I would want to do is make you feel powerless or controlled. Whatever you decide, I pray that it goes in your favour and the person you choose will be a support and a blessing for you. You deserve it.

 

[InsideAWord]

I actually wanted to ask this question before: does the gynecologist that examined you know that YOU know that you were raped? Because I'm pretty sure that doctors are mandated reporters.

 

[Healing Reins]

no I specifically told her it was rough sex...and just said I wasn't ready for the sex when it happened. I never told her it was rape. I don't know if she believed me, but she said she had nothing to report if it was just 'rough sex' and she believed me.

 

[Echo]

@Healing Reins, I am so sorry that you want to trust this lady but find that you can't. Even if it had just been rough sex, I also don't find the tone of her words, as you report them, very supportive or empathetic towards you.

I think you may find it easier to seek help from someone or an organisation that is set up to help rape victims when they are in crisis like you. They exist in every country and you can phone them first to see what help is available. They most definitely won't force you to report and won't judge you for anything. They will help you find a counsellor to speak to just about this. It won't cost you anything. I don't know where you are so I can't give you the rape helpline number for your state. This really would be a way of avoiding it getting out as gossip but ensuring you are helped, and you do need that help. Sometimes professional strangers are just better than well-intentioned or emotionally-involved friends at dealing with you and getting the help you need.