How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

[cookie]

ok day, slept til like 10:00! from 2 am. 8 hrs, and no sleeping pill. might have something to do with the fact that i went to bed at 5 am the night before and still didn't sleep. the sadness keeps creeping back and forth , but so far, i can handle it, which is a new thing for me! been such a dreary, rainy day, i think i may go for a walk after while, if ican get zack to go with me. need to get out of the house, but i don't want to go anywhere. need to CLEAN my house--lazy, lazy!
cathy

 

[Marlene]

I got enough energy together after a long weekend in PJ's and lots of naps to get my laundry done, do my bills, grocery shopping and I have a meatloaf in the oven. Actually, I think this is the first time I've cooked in almost two weeks. Thank goodness my family can all pitch in an cook or we'd be eating lots of soup and sandwiches for dinner.

One thing though...I don't feel the least bit guilty for being a slug all weekend. And all of those naps :sleeping: felt great!!! :-)

 

[becvan]

Had a busy crazy weekend. Went to the AA new year's dance with my family. Ended up crying on the phone till 4 am (nasty nasty nasty trigger of trauma related to AA) and almost went off the wagon. Wow, haven't been that bad in years. Kept busy today. Got lots done trying to stay sane. I am still sober. I think I'm doing well. Have to get some sleep as it's midnight and I work in the am. Talk to you all tomorrow.

Bec

 

[lumberjack]

hows my day

Stressed with crap at work, not even work related. Not sleeping at all. Becoming a walking zombie. Had to use cough medicine with codine to get 2hours of sleep,yes it was way to much and two bottles of it.( I know anthony bad chioce).Im on edge all the time agian and starting to have issues with anger:crazy: ...

 

[becvan]

I got one hour of sleep. One bloody hour. I have noooo sleeping pills. OMG, this week is not going to be fun. Today, the round of appointments for court starts, so I am starting the stress out, trigger, lose sleep cycle. Joy, oh Joy. I hope that bastard rots in hell for this.:cussing:

Bec

 

[cookie]

oh, bec, you REALLY need to sleep right now. couldn't you call your dr. and get some sleeping pills for the short term? i can't imagine going to court, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
cathy

 

[becvan]

Nope, I can't. Despite the therapist pleading with doc to keep giving the sleeping aids. He is refusing and I'm cut off. I don't get paid till Friday, so I will go and get over the counters then. I have to just suck it up and drag my sorry ass into work. Nothing I can do. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to this...

Bec

 

[GR-ass]

hugs Bec tight

 

[anthony]

Ah sleep.... bec and MJ! Your body is telling you something if it cannot sleep because of emotional pain... deal with the pain. Yes, this means you have not fully dealt with lots of emotional pain (trauma) as yet, and is acceptable providing you continue on the journey itself to heal. We often expect way to much of ourselves far too soon of realistic expectations. Stop being hard on yourselves, as you both have a long way to go before your going to see totally sanctity in life once again. This year can be your year... you both know what has to be done, so do it.

 

[anthony]

MJ, I would expect to be seeing you actually participating in the [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread2356.html"]mental imagery trial[/DLMURL] with Dr. Roerich actually... for your own self help.

 

[becvan]

Yes, it will be the year of healing for me. It's my goal. Right now I'm just whomped. All the triggered emotions, the trial next week, the imagery. I slept after my victim services appointment tonight. I slept hard. I just got up because I was craving ice cream (very bizzare, I eat ice cream once every few years?) and am heading back to bed. I figure I better get sleep when I can because I have a week to go until trial. It's only going to get worse until I face him. Quite the way to deal with a trauma, eh?

Bec

 

[Deleted member 93]

Bec, good luck with your trial... Don't try to be "strong" during it. You know it will be hard. Just don't do what I did (and at this point I can look back and find a smidgen of humor as I have to) Don't do hysterical laughing. For some reason it really bombed my case at the grand jury! So if you don't try to be "strong" by sucking it up and let your emotions free then they probably won't come out as skewed and backwards as mine did that fateful day.

I know exactly what you are walking into and I have been there. You try to take care of yourself as you are going to be pretty wiped out when it is done, but it will be a well earned tired. You can do this. (Oh, and don't throw any loose objects either at him).

When those real emotions are allowed to show it shows. It did for me in a different court years later but I got a little satisfaction knowing it was recognized even if it was civil court and not criminal. The judge knows when it is BS. Sadly the grand jury has no judge they are more or less a stepping stone of ignorant peers to the real courts.

Again I know you can do this. Take care of your mind and body right now.