How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

[Shadow]

Yeah Y&A I know. It's not really scary for me, just boaring and useless. I'd rather buy a motorbike with all that money. I guess it's up to $600 which I hear is cheap. I think it's just retarded.
I want to get better I do. I'm so tired of being broken.
I'll try to visit every morning.
Thanks so much for the support, you guys are always great.

 

[YoungAndAngry]

hehe... motorbike... I like you already, just for saying that, lol
You are doing really good though, $600 is very cheap (from what I've heard)
Look forward to seeing ya in the mornings :)


Today was alright... kinda full of meds though...
makes me alot quieter...
and GUESS WHAT! I was able to take a nap today!!!!
Tada!!! If only the nightmares would stop now... dammit.
Been keeping myself busy researching various things...
just trying to keep busy

 

[piglet]

Hey YA

Glad you got some sleep. I guess I'm in the same boat as you - desperate for the sleep, but not the nightmares! Every evenng I start getting the "I'm so tired, I want to sleep" feeling, but on the other hand, I'm afraid of what sleep will bring. Sucks doesn't it?

 

[somaliaspouse]

i know how that feels i havent had a desent nights sleep in 13 years ive got no idea how to fix it, and breaking up with my wife doesnt help at all,im so sick of everything go against me im starting to get sick of this shit id like it to finish.

 

[YoungAndAngry]

I'm a bit woozy right now (woozy... is that even a word? hmmm)
but I just wanted to tell you (somaliaspouse) that you aren't alone in those feelings...
I've been told it gets better, all we can do is try to learn as much about this darn PTSD so we can work at normalizing our lives

Piglet... I hear you completely... it sucks ass actually

 

[Deleted member 3]

somaliaspouse,

I have been watching your posts with Anthony and know that you are due to do the PTSD course soon but are thinking of pulling out. It really sounds like you need some help now and this course would be great for you.........although you won't feel like going on day one and some of the other days, IT really is worth considering hanging around Townsville for that. Do you have some support/help in the mean time? Your last post concerns me a bit. I will get Anthony onto this post as he will definately have some immediate ways to help yourself. I understand, from an outsiders perspective that it takes a lot of energy/willpower/motivation that you probably feel like you don't have however talking to someone will help with that immediately. Take care.

 

[anthony]

i know how that feels i havent had a desent nights sleep in 13 years ive got no idea how to fix it, and breaking up with my wife doesnt help at all,im so sick of everything go against me im starting to get sick of this shit id like it to finish.

Yep, wouldn't we all like it to just stop, but reality is, it doesn't, and PTSD is certainly not a good enough reason to take your life, as I see it, considering the amount of times (hundreds actually) that it crossed my thoughts. I wanted this crap to end, but still have a decent life, so I learnt, learnt and learnt. I may off learnt 20 different techniques for just one simple thing, ie. breathing, but only one of those worked for me. I have learnt numerous techniques for anxiety, and find only one of those to work most effective for me... and each person I talk with generally has something different that works for them.

Basically though, if you feel like crap all the time, guess what? What you're doing isn't working, and you need to keep discovering new things so you can find / stumble upon the technique that works for you. It is very much trial and error with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy type help, being research, education, application and lots of patience.

somaliaspouse, give me a call mate if you need too, I am more than happy to have a more personal chat with you. My number is in the PTSD only forum, the first sticky thread up top, "contact and chat personally". I put it there for a reason... so people can call me if they need someone to chat with for advice, or just to chat and throw ideas around.

 

[anthony]

Oh, just to add, you could still do the PTSD course in Townsville if you like and be outside of Townsville, because if you speak with Martha about it, you will find they can probably organise flights in for you and accommodation at VA expense, not yours. Talk with Martha, she is a very helpful person when it comes to that course and how to get around things, or Elizabeth on the front desk, she is also pretty crafty with those things.

If you can stay with someone else for a while, so your not in your house with your wife, and attend the course, you really will be all the much better for it, take my word on that... even hold me too it. When you reach the 4 - 5 week mark in that course, you really do wonder what your going to do without it each week when it ends, as its that good for you.

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Somaliaspouse, I hope you are feeling better today
even though life can seem unfair at times... you can pull through this
don't ever give up!


Well... this morning I woke up soaked in sweat (as usual)
figured I must of had a long bad dream even though I couldn't remember it.
Then while I was reading through this forum... I realized that my first post of the morning was barely 3 hours after my last post (before I went to sleep)...

I know I didn't go straight to sleep after posting... and I was up for at least 45 min before I turned on the laptop this morning... so... did I even sleep?
My guess is at best 1 1/2 hours? I feel pretty confused now 'cause I don't feel tired... just... lightheaded?
I guess this disproves my theory that I don't need sleeping pills anymore

 

[Shadow]

somaliaspouse, someday you may find something which makes you so happy that this will have been worth it, but you never will if you quit.
Hang in there for us.

Hey you nightmare guys, have you ever heard of lucid dreaming? I can't find a good site right now, but I can shower you with my own, magically delicious knowledge.

Lucid dreaming is where you claim a bit of control in your dreams.
I started this by imagining something simple, small and repetive in that "not-awake, not-asleep but can't move" state where you can still think but are on the way to sleep. I used stuff like little ball bearings rolling down a track into a small hole, a spinning spiral or like a dripping faucet.

After you've mastered summoning a specific visualization, start interupting it. Move the hole over so the ball just misses it, reverse the spiral or turn the spicket. This takes alot of time to master, but once you do you can gradually bring it into actual sleep.
I remember I was running from someone in a dream and I wasn't going fast enough. I stopped, thought out a car and decided it was there. Now it was functionable, but not real so I zoomed around like the crazy frog, but the point is I got away which wouldn't have happened if I haden't made it that way.

As for a note, I have NEVER been able to change a flashback dream. Sorry I'm working on it. Medical-related dreams I have been able to slightly alter. This usually means I wake up in a start still, but not crying. :) ;)

For those poor souls who have not had the shinning glory of watching the crazy frog yet, I shed upon you, much happiness.
http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic909.htm

 

[somaliaspouse]

thanks heaps guys

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Hey you nightmare guys, have you ever heard of lucid dreaming?

That's so insane! I didn't know it had a name... but I did that once when I was alot younger.
In my dream I remember thinking things were so real... yet something was very very wrong... I can't remember how I figured it out, but I realized I was dreaming... therefore invincible... I jumped off buildings and did all these crazy things because I wasn't afraid of anything.

If I could just do that again... hmmmmm