Got news my grand father is at death's door. He had been a few months back but after I saw him he made a amazing turn around shocking everyone and the docs. Short lived I guess. He is old, he is tired. He won't eat anymore and is refusing fluids. He has rejected any medical intervention for some time now, just making peace with God. I am very close to him. But I cannot go to him now. It is in God's hands now. I know he will not make it in Texas heat with no A/C (never had it and won't use it) and not taking any fluids. I was so upset last time, this time it is numbness. My entire extended family is making it out there tomorrow. I won't be going. My stress levels are too high. I don't speak to my dad or any of that family. I am very close with my grandparents and my twin, but that is it and it is a huge family. But you go from room to room and family members who were just so sweet to each other one second are bad mouthing the same ones to other family members soon as they are apart. They all do it so I just don't need all that fake BS.
I think with my new found uncontrolable rage it could get ugly. I just can't do it... I know I would do something to break my grand mother's heart.
Husband's wrapping came off the ankle today for me to replace, very nasty looking. I seriously doubt he will be on it any time soon at all. I am getting so worn down driving, seeing him hurt, and me "functioning". I knew a relied heavily on him but did not see how much! I am dreading getting up and having to shop tomorrow. I always panic in stores and around people. So many chores that I just cannot do. Like the water, we don't drink the well water. Coming off meds has made me so weak I can barely pick up my cast iron skillet. And to think I am even going to try and pick up 5 gallon jugs? Teen son can do that and since hubby is on crutches he can't catch and kill the annoying teen girl when he gets left with her. Who is so frigging HORMONAL I just want to scream!!!
She spent all morning bawling like it was the end of the world, me being a big ray of sunshine in the morning asks what in the hell is wrong with you??? "I don't know, I just can't stop crying" Okey dokey then. And then we are trying to get to the car for school and she is still uncombed, not dressed (strict dress code) not eaten, and no make up. So I go yank crap out of her closet and throw it at her and inform her she is a teenager, I should not have to dress her like the 2 year old. And tough on eating. Soon as I get home a call from the school... I gave her a black skirt , tan or blue only allowed. Bring clothes. I say F* no. Go sit in detention all day, you are old enough to dress yourself, you chose not to so deal with it and hung up, I am sure the school liked that reply. I was so pissed off. I was not driving back into town because she can't dress herself!
To top it off teen son got a flipping hickey. I have just been too damn busy to kill him yet or figure out who gave it to him. Been picking him up late after school so I know when he did it... Then the dumbass says he burned himself. I was on my way out to the hospital for husband and told him he was an idiot, girls use that excuse because they use CURLING IRONS and it looks the same. I told him he had until I came back to come up with a more creative lie or he was going to be pulling my boot out of his ass when I got back.
I don't think I am coping well... I lost count of how many times I sounded like a drunk sailor telling everyone to shut up in a not so nice fashion, I need silence tonight. Right now I don't know if I want to sit in the quite or go to bed.
