How's Your Xmas Cheer? PTSD and Christmas

[catjudo]

Wow, Grama-Herc, did you intend for that to sound so mean and nasty or am I possibly misinterpreting?

 

[kers]

We sit around all pissy and in bad moods and then wonder why we don't like the holiday season.

I've made candy and given gifts and been nice to others for the last two weeks. The goodness of those acts has not offset the awful holiday memories I have or the increase in my PTSD symptoms. This makes everything harder, even being with happy people.

You may be able to get past your issues to cheer yourself up during the holidays, Grama Herc, but please show some respect for the rest of us and back the hell off. Calling us grinches makes it sound like we're miserable because we just don't have kindness in our hearts.

 

[Tinyflame]

Grama-Herc,

I don't have much family to speak of- 2 here (of which one I am the care-giver), two 1200 miles away (estranged).

It used to make me feel sad/envious when I would see "normal families".

Now, I don't feel that way. Now I do what I want more than follow what I am "supposed to do", but because of all of the traumas I choose to see Christmas as a bright spot. I do believe- just like when you are grieving- it does help me the most to do something for someone else. By and large I have a blast. And yes, one of my traumas (2, really) occurred at Christmas. -And actually a 3rd "Biggie" when I think about it.

But I think about a post Anthony wrote about "Anniversary's"- technically they only occur once, the day and year it happened.

Personally I just have too much of the bad stuff to contend with in my life to add more, though I don't subscribe to anything re: Christmas, that I don't want to. I choose to try to see it from the perspective that brings me joy, not more stress or grief.

I do understand, though, it's a very hard time for a lot of people- more out-of-control drinking, increased domestice violence, poverty amidst affluence, - you name it.

For me, I figure, this might be the last Christmas I have- what would I do if I knew it was?

I think whatever we feel, it can change. All we can really do is the best we can, maybe.

 

[Dylan]

LOL, catjudo!

Well, I'll leave GH to respond herself since I obviously don't know what she meant, but I do think people who try to be inspiring sometimes accidentally come across as bossy, parental, and judgmental (not to mention omnicient....I personally have a hard time when someone starts "we" identifying. You want to express your own character flaws, go for it, but don't include ME in the character assassination list!).

I think this type of speech reflects our society: so much of it teaches, not skills to set healthy limits with ourselves and our imperfections, but to "kick yourself in the ass!" as if being a good parent (to ourselves) means being an abusive drill sargeant.

I'm finding that non-judgment works quite a bit better at inspiring myself.
I have recently become aware of a tendency toward self-absorption. Well, ok, so I'm not perfect. How might I temper that, balance it with my "light side" quality of compassion/altruism?

Bottom line, I'm finally (gratefully) really getting it that the old "motivational" techniques I used to use (shaming, brutality, the Sargeant Carter approach) just don't bring the results I want. And I can only share MY experience....I can't tell others what they need, nor what they need to do.

-Dylan

 

[Mina]

With all due respect, Grama-Herc, doing nice things for others doesn't necessarily solve the issues some of us have with this time of year. Does it make me feel good? Yes. Has is stopped me from being triggered like crazy and fighting to keep my head above water? No.

 

[Cindy]

Holiday expectations and memories

I am trying not to get sucked into this debate as it is a discussion with polar oppisites probably not finding common ground. All I wish to add is I know my difficulties with the holidays stem from too high expectations of the time with my daughter and bad memories of many lonely Christmases.

Many Experiences of 'faking' the holiday for others. It all seems like such a farce at times.

 

[Grama-Herc]

OK, I will concede that maybe, just maybe, I may have come across a tad bit harsh, but I will not apologize for what I said.

We ALL have serious issues with this time of year, so why not try to redirect our emotions and do something kind and thoughtful for someone else.

I did not say you had to put on your false "happy" face, I said why not try to make others happy. I did not say you needed include the people who are responsible for your pain, that's the worst thing you could do. I did not say this would "Cure" our
issues, I just said why not climb out of ourselves and try.

Redirect your emotions and go serve a Christmas dinner at a mission. Go help Santa pass out toys to underprivileged children. Be kind to a stranger for the simple fact of doing it. Others are in pain too, we sometimes forget the "forgotten"

 

[Kunoichi]

I celebrate Christmas Eve with my hubby and his family today. I'm scared how I'll react in the crowd and family enviroment. And although i have celebrated christmas in the last 5 years... I don't remember them. Not that i remember much anyways lol

I think what I am going to really enjoy though is one, my first xmas being 'free" from all the abuse (he would even abuse me on xmas) and two, watching my hubby open things I managed to get him. :)

I don't have a big crowd with my family cuz my mom and sis couldn't come down for xmas, but that's ok. I'm going to see my aunt and uncle. They don't know what i deal with but at least I can always excuse myself if needed. I will tell them eventually.

I am going to make some canolli's (sp?) for my aunt and uncle too which should be good.

I hope everyone does ok for the holidays. *hugs to all* and don't be afraid to take breaks if needed. Even if anyone doesn't understand, still better to relax for YOU :)

 

[whitewillow312]

I was fine, until today....dont know what happened.

 

[sandy]

Why I don't like Christmas

I too have much difficulty with the Holidays. Christmas was always a prime opportunity for my ex to ridicule me in front of friends and family. All of the family gatherings and Christmas parties were agonizing for me. He would always drink too much and run his mouth off, offending just about everyone in attendance. But the worst is yet to come.....
When we would get home or our guests would leave was when it got really bad. He would give me my "real" gift. Well, that's the way he saw it. I, on the other hand, call it rape. For hours he would have his way. I have always hated the holidays for this reason. He is such an A hole. This year, due to bad driving conditions and my daughters work schedule we get to stay home, just the two of us for Christmas. I cannot tell you what a relief it is. I don't have to face my family and I don't have to see him. I am still triggered horribly but, I get to stay in my safe place, my comfortable home in which he has never lived.
I know it will take years to ever "feel" ok about Christmas but I'm working on it.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

A decent amount of ups and downs to balance things out. However, December is just a bad month for my emotional state but handling things fairly well.

Tammy

 

[twodogen]

being single-xmas easier?

guess being single makes it easier plus except this year I've always worked retail of some type to stay super busy...just the gatherings and groups along with expectations from people who don't really know you family or not.

this bites though b/c I allowed my therapist to call my brother a couple of weeks ago and inform him of my situation and she has harped on me to get out of the house spend time with my family. so I went and it was ok except I never sleep anywhere other than home, but still felt on the edge of civilization even though my brother made sure I received a couple of gifts. then I cried on the way home which sucks too.

typically my family does xmas every other year due to distance of some members which works well for me.

Happy New Year to all of us grinches though and may this holiday approach slowly for us :occasion:.