In November of 2012 (after 2 long abusive years) my boyfriend tried to take my life.
I told him I wanted to leave and he didn't agree. He beat me with his bare fists for what felt like hours, until I bled. Finally he got tired or his hands got sore. He knelt over my spent body and he strangled me.
I don't remember 100% after this but at some point before almost totally losing consciousness I flipped onto my stomach. He couldn't choke me with two hands so he shoved his hand in my mouth.
That saved my life. I bit him hard enough to get his attention. As soon as he released my neck for a fraction of a second I scrambled for the door.
I made it to my car and locked myself inside just in time for him to throw himself at the door. I hit the lock button again and when he stepped back thinking I had unlocked it I gunned it.
He chased me down the highway (I have never wanted to be pulled over more in my life) . He tried to run me off the road and he screamed terrible things at me.
I finally made it to a gas station and I ran inside where they helped me, Thank god. In the ER they told me I broke my clavicle, they had to close some wounds on my face and I had a concussion. Later that week I bled in my eye so severely they had to give me drops to stop it. Last week at a routine eye exam they told me that my vitreous fluid has separated (?) From my eye and I have a permanent "floater" from the trauma. (At 22 I knew that squiggly line wasn't normal...)
I am here tonight because I embarrassed myself today. I am mortified. Today I took my mother to the eye doctor and a close member of his family was there. I all but pissed my pants. I had the biggest panic attack I have ever had. I bawled in public and I physically startled every time she moved a muscle. Everyone stared at me.
And she enjoyed every moment of it. Made a point to walk by me every chance she could.
I've been struggling since. I need to get through this. But how?
I told him I wanted to leave and he didn't agree. He beat me with his bare fists for what felt like hours, until I bled. Finally he got tired or his hands got sore. He knelt over my spent body and he strangled me.
I don't remember 100% after this but at some point before almost totally losing consciousness I flipped onto my stomach. He couldn't choke me with two hands so he shoved his hand in my mouth.
That saved my life. I bit him hard enough to get his attention. As soon as he released my neck for a fraction of a second I scrambled for the door.
I made it to my car and locked myself inside just in time for him to throw himself at the door. I hit the lock button again and when he stepped back thinking I had unlocked it I gunned it.
He chased me down the highway (I have never wanted to be pulled over more in my life) . He tried to run me off the road and he screamed terrible things at me.
I finally made it to a gas station and I ran inside where they helped me, Thank god. In the ER they told me I broke my clavicle, they had to close some wounds on my face and I had a concussion. Later that week I bled in my eye so severely they had to give me drops to stop it. Last week at a routine eye exam they told me that my vitreous fluid has separated (?) From my eye and I have a permanent "floater" from the trauma. (At 22 I knew that squiggly line wasn't normal...)
I am here tonight because I embarrassed myself today. I am mortified. Today I took my mother to the eye doctor and a close member of his family was there. I all but pissed my pants. I had the biggest panic attack I have ever had. I bawled in public and I physically startled every time she moved a muscle. Everyone stared at me.
And she enjoyed every moment of it. Made a point to walk by me every chance she could.
I've been struggling since. I need to get through this. But how?
