Husband Coming Home From Deployment In Couple Months.

[Lee2001]

Well my hubby is deployed and will have been gone for seven months! I have missed him greatly, that's for sure. I am starting to get really nervous about him coming home in couple months. So much has happened while he has been gone! I started therapy for what I thought was just complicated grieving over losing our baby boy two years ago...but in therapy and revealing the child hood abuse found about about the PTSD. So while husband deployed it has been a huge trigger for this. He said he was relieved to get this info from therapy since I guess I was acting very angry and out of sorts before he left! We also had a baby just recently who was six weeks old when he left. In all of this I feel like a different person, and I am afraid the PTSD is affecting our marriage. While he is gone it is all easier on the relationship. Im concerned when he gets back I will be triggering still just due to working things out in therapy and getting into the hard stuff. He is such a great guy and I don't want this to hurt him. Sure hope the next couple of months get better before he gets back. How have you all been dealing with your close relationships while in the middle of therapy and trying to recover? I have not talked to therapist about this yet.. But what skills has your therapist taught you to cope with relationships? Thanks y'all:)

 

[Thizette]

First, it's important to understand that things can get worse before they get better, especially when *new stuff* comes up in therapy. The important thing is that you are actively working on your best self. Your husband should be understanding of that, even when things are rough, and be patient. You should probably ask him to be patient with you while you continue to heal.

Something that was helpful to me in the beginning was making a list of all my known triggers. Over time, I've discovered new ones, but this initial list helped me to recognize when my reaction to something might be more trigger-response than how I really feel given the realities of the situation. Does that make sense? Example: am I short tempered because the man is actually doing something wrong or am I short tempered because *trigger* is happening and I feel unsafe? When I can recognize this I can work to remove the trigger first, collect my senses, and deal with the man appropriately.

Also, complete honesty is so important. I think a lot of us want to spare our partner's feelings, and that's generally good, but not always with PTSD. If you are feeling triggered by something your partner does or says, tell him about it as soon as you are calm. It's important to remember that they probably aren't trying to be hurtful, and equally important to tell them that x behavior has y affect on us and we are trying to deal with it. Also, learn to be comfortable saying "I need a few minutes" when you are triggered. It can be frustrating for partners to hear, but in the end it leads to better, healthier communication.

That's been my experience, anyway. I'm glad you are on the road to healing.

 

[Lee2001]

Thank you so much! This is so helpful! I have not even thought of half of what you said! I will work on being completely honest with hubby, and explaining things to him. I was going to try to " spare" his feelings but now I see that would be bad idea! I also like to ask for patience:) And the list of triggers.. Yeah I think that is smart. I think that is good to also recognize when I am being triggered. I am so new to dealing with all of this I am sure I don't know most of my triggers yet. I will write these ideas in my journal:)