General Husband Slumped Back With Ptsd - Just As I Am Launching My Dream Business :o(

[Sunshine71]

Hi there

I wonder if anyone can give me some feedback.

My dream of setting up my own business is coming true. A venture that I have dreamed about for many years. The technology is now there to support my dream and I have even found a guy who loves the idea so much that he has left his job and has come board working for commission only.

Its not easy - if you have set up a business or work for yourself you will know that it is quite stressful and non stop!

I have coped for the past year and a half - hoping that my husbands PTSD will get better. Ups and downs and I felt that he has been doing really well recently.

And now he had slumped. He wants to kill himself and the most tragic news is that our own little boy is the trigger :O(

Its too much to deal with and today I have not been able to do anything - He is at the EMDR person now - he hates it and is wiped out after the session.

I have spent years building my dream. Do I try to continue? Do I give it all up? How can I concentrate and work hard speaking with people when my husband wants to die???

Thanks for reading.

It helps to even type this out.

What a super forum - although sad that this effects so many people.

Hope to hear from you if you can help.

Many thanks

 

[revelry]

Sunshine, i own my own biz, It's a lot work, and even more balance, but you shouldnt give up your deams. It's not going to be easy, im not going to sugar coat it, but you cant give up the things that are most important to you, because youre dealing with something else. Youre stong enough to find a way to make the day to day things work, then you are also stong enough to make your deams work. Dont give up your dreams, you will only wake up bitter down the road.

 

[Toria]

Hello again - husband has his own business, which to all intents and purposes I run (all paperwork, legislation etc) and like Revelry says it is very hard work. But it is your dream - and if there is one thing that I have learnt in the past few months of being on here it is that you NEED to have something of your own to concentrate on so that PTSD does not become your life. Only you know how much time your husband and your son will take up in the coming months and how much time you will be able to dedicate you your business. Weigh these up and if there is the possibility that you can make it work then go for it. Does your employee know the situation? Could he take on a bit more responsibility until things come on to more of an even footing for you? Best of luck!

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks so much I really appreciate your replies.

You are right I dont want PTSD to become our lives.

It is so difficult - A good meeting cancelled last night as I couldnt leave him alone.

I have a ton of work to get through and now as he is at home (I have an office on my garden) I keep popping in to see how he is doing - He is studying for a new career.

My work is keeping me going. He would never want me to stop it - however we are finding it challanging to find some us time - and this has lead to a frienship with another woman (please see other long thread!)
We need to work it out and find a better balance.

Thanks and I hope I didnt ramble!!

Sunshine

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks again everyone.

I am cracking on with my business although I dont seem to have much of a life other than supporting hubbie, trying to do the best I can for my son (who is just 5) and work.

I work from a little office at the end of our garden - which is great although I find it difficult to switch off.

A lot of the time I dont feel that I can leave our som=n with my husband. Not that I feel he will do anything bad mainly that he will left in front of the TV so I dont even get to pop to the glyn as I used to love going.

Its difficult to juggle everthing isnt it!

and to top it off I have just worked with the client from hell - I bent over backwards and nothing was good enough. It would have been bad enough under usual circumstances but with my husbands slumps and mood swings it was just toooooo much,

Anyway if any other people on here are juggling and have any tips please do let me know.

Huge thanks for being there

Sunshine

 

[Reclusive]

I don't have my own business but work as an independent contractor. Sometimes my fiance effects my work and sometimes he doesn't. I find that breaks are essential to mental health. Sometimes I just sit at the computer all day, which isn't good for anyone. So I take breaks and go spend some time with him and that seems to help with the slumps and gives him a break from what he's doing so he doesn't get detached from reality. I think it helps to keep him grounded when I interrupt what he's doing. Weird, I know, but that's just my feeling on it.

 

[Sunshine71]

Just looked back at my posting here.

Still the same - I try to crack on and take breaks to check in on hubby during the day as we are both at home.

I just feel so guilty - his health is much more important than work - however we have bills to pay and I dont want to make PTSD our life. I do need something else - however maybe not as much as I am currently doing.

Any other advice from careers juggling and how not to feel guily is welcome!

MANY thanks for being there x

 

[ISupportHer]

I don't know if this helps of not, but I think it it guilt as a result of something I should not have done.

I work a full time job as well as a part time job. I think that perhaps there are others who feel pressure to work to pay bills. Medications, co-pays (in the States anyway), co-insurance.

It's like we are on a tandem bicycle and I just have to do most of the pedaling at times. There have been times in our marriage when she carried the weight. Worry, perhaps, but not guilt. For me anyway.

ISH

 

[revelry]

I think you need to allow yourself, YOUR time.... if you choose to spend it working to better your lives together, then so be it. You shouldn't feel guilty, unless he's being neglected (which I highly doubt is the case). Give yourself some time and some credit. You are under extraordinary circumstances and your'e doing an extraordinary job. Give yourself some peace. ((hugs))

 

[LAA]

Sunshine71,

I hope you are well....It doesn't look like you have been in for awhile. It is so hard balancing the needs of our loved ones even when they are well but when they hit a bad spell, you are right...toooo much.

I had to go on Family Medical Leave not long ago when my husband was suicidal. I was home for 2 weeks and now am on intermediate leave. Legally, employers are not supposed to hold that against you, but I know that my department will not feel comfortable promoting me now.

I have had to balance things to get it all to function somewhat, but I know I have sacrificed my career. I can honestly say, I can't really imagine taking on more responsibility at work anyway. Taking care of 5 kids and trying to be there for my husband when he needs me, while I have the responsibilities I do now is enough. It has been kind of hard at times to come to grips with it all though. Sometimes I know I am doing the right thing for all involved and other times I feel somewhat put upon.

I can't imagine the stress you must feel with our own business. It really just boils down to doing what is right for you (barring neglect of anyone, including yourself). If you change things and try to center your life just around your husband, I would imagine you could become very resentful (I know I would).

I pray you have been finding that balance more often than not lately.

LAA

 

[Sunshine71]

Looking back over previous postings - 6 months later still juggling work, life and PTSD

Hubby is down today - I have new clients, work on the go and things I must do today and what am I doing? Trying to help him get out of the 'black cloud' , crying and feeling terrible.

Great.

Will this end? PTSD is just a living hell.

Sorry - I am such a positive person but today PTSD is just too much.

 

[Sunshine71]

Well I have work coming out of my ears at the moment and all needs to be sorted as much as poss before Xmas.

What I have done today?

About an hour on something and not much else.

I have 2 1/2 hours before I need to pick my son up from school and then its difficlut to do much else. Hubby doesnt do anything now with our son so it will mean hours in front of the TV or playstation if I am to get anything done.

My son (5 1/2) will love it! But I know of course its not the way it 'should' be.

If anyone has any answers please let me know!

xxx