I am a burden

[SeekingAfrica]

Just talked to my family for help again. I've been having a crisis that steadily grew over few months.
Now I'm too depressed to do much but need help the most. My family will take me in for a bit, may even put up with helping financially once more...to an extend, for the ticket to get there or part of the cost.

I just can't stop replaying the disappointment bordering on disdain in my mom's voice.
She'll try to help, yes,but she made it abundantly clear she doesn't believe in depression and anxiety- I've tried over the years and it was perceived as being lazy. So I know whatever help I get I'll pay for dearly.
I just.... need to have left the apartment on certain date so I can't risk it.... evening the price is feeling pathetic.

How do I get better from this? I feel so below everyone for all the help I needed with everything for a while ....

How do I believe I'm worth saving?

 

[arfie]

it took abject misery for me to finally open myself to the healing mysteries and let them guide me to what i need. it can be astounding how often what i want and/or think i need is a far cry from my healing needs.

 

[Teasel]

How do I believe I'm worth saving?

By removing the power to define your worth from others?

You can say to yourself, My Mom loves me but doesn't understand mental health issues.

Rooting for you

 

[Midnightmoon]

She'll try to help, yes,but she made it abundantly clear she doesn't believe in depression and anxiety- I've tried over the years and it was perceived as being lazy. So I know whatever help I get I'll pay for dearly.

This is a really tough spot to be in. Because if there are 'terms and conditions' attached to the help then of course it'll make you feel all kinds of awful.

family will take me in for a bit, may even put up with helping financially once more...to an extend, for the ticket to get there or part of the cost.

Ok, goal one, tick, focus on that first, that's the main goal here, getting back.

And then...

How do I get better from this? I feel so below everyone for all the help I needed with everything for a while ....

I like 'for a while', because that doesn't mean for a lifetime, it means here and now. Here and now you are going through crap and therefore you need help. Once you're more stable, more settled, stuff can have the space to calm and shift. You can look at your plans again about what your focus was when your there . The chinks of light, of hope, they'll build, organically it'll bring itself together in a way when you have room to breathe a little. This bit is hard, it won't always be this hard

 

[Charbella]

Maybe stop the head chatter about what you haven’t done/can’t do and start a list of things you can do/will do.

You seem stuck in the things you wish had happened, it isn’t doing you any good. Pick something to do and do it, even if it’s super tiny, the biggest snowman begins with a single snowflake.

Your parents don’t respond the way you wanted, you can’t undo that, BUT they are helping, shift your focus there. I know it’s easier to say than do but your in the do or die zone, your out of options. Turn the narrative around and make some choices. You have a bunch of things you need to have happen and most of not all seem out of your control, no one likes that. You CAN control the attitude you have. Get something done and then reward yourself with a funny dog/cat video then do a little more and repeat with something, anything good. Your parents don’t treat you very nice, so why are you doing it to yourself too? You know you’re capable and that mental illness exists and is real, what would you tell someone else going through the same? I’m betting it wouldn’t be all the things they couldn’t do.

 

[abovedown]

Just talked to my family for help again. I've been having a crisis that steadily grew over few months.
Now I'm too depressed to do much but need help the most. My family will take me in for a bit, may even put up with helping financially once more...to an extend, for the ticket to get there or part of the cost.

I just can't stop replaying the disappointment bordering on disdain in my mom's voice.
She'll try to help, yes,but she made it abundantly clear she doesn't believe in depression and anxiety- I've tried over the years and it was perceived as being lazy. So I know whatever help I get I'll pay for dearly.
I just.... need to have left the apartment on certain date so I can't risk it.... evening the price is feeling pathetic.

How do I get better from this? I feel so below everyone for all the help I needed with everything for a while ....

How do I believe I'm worth saving?

Yeah you are worth saving and I am sorry that your mum doesn't believe in depression & anxiety which are both official and well recognized illnesses in medical community.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Too mentally exhausted to respond but every comment helps, thank you.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Sending peace, love, and strength

 

[Kjaoudat]

My parents view mental illness as a problem. I was diagnosed with Bi Polar 1 6 years ago. Recently my Mum start telling me how people who go to psychiatrists are weird. Thankfully I have been in therapy for long enough to understand her limits. They do not understand. Full stop. My family help me financially as I am a single parent. Slowly and it takes time and it is not easy... I accept the help because i need it to survive. They are not my safe people. I use a free mental health phone service inbetween seeing my trauma therapist. It is hard, lonely, and infuriating that my caregivers prefer to have their head deep in the sand. I cannot change them, I cannot take it personally. I fight as an army of one to get better everyday. It does get easier with practice. Find a small select few who are kind and understand. Put up a bit of a shield to anyone who you cannot truly trust. I practice in the mirror what I want to show them. Surface and very little. You are not alone.