I Am Afraid That I Am Too Dependent On My Therapist

[Iam]

Hi all,

I think I am obsessing about all of the PTSD stuff. I am on here constantly. If not here I am reading books or online articles about it. If I am online I have my therapists website up so I can look at his picture if I get too anxious. That is so freaking sick ;o( There is absolutely no sexual interest for him, that is not what I am saying. I just feel like he is my lifeline right now. I don't like depending on anybody for anything let alone to be my lifeline. I trust him completely which is stupid, he is human so can and probably will let me down. I'm thinking maybe I should stop therapy for awhile. We are just getting into the real meat of everything. Maybe it's time to five myself a break from all of this and become more independent again for awhile. Any ideas what the best thing to do is?

 

[disconnect]

I'm totally guilty for doing this, not just with my T, but doctors and any person really who has shown me they care & been there for me. I latch onto people so much to the point of obsession.

What I did with my past doctor (God, I miss her..) was to tell her that I felt I was getting too attached to her and that it was scaring me (I was seeing her once a week for a year and then it became twice a week for a good few months, because I was unable to cope and needed some extra support). She started spacing out appointments by one day at a time, but only increasing the days inbetween very, very gradually. With my T, I have her home and mobile, so I know she's there at any time. She knows about my attachment issues and in the past, she has literally said 'You can only call me once this week' (it was getting to the stage where I would call her twice a day) and she constantly reasurred me that even if we couldn't talk, she was still there. It was hell, because I was falling apart and I really needed her, but I know she was trying to make me become more independant. It helped because it made me realise I didn't need to keep calling her to make it through the day. The more hours I got through without calling her, were like milestones.

I think when we're anxious and struggling, we focus a lot on the people we deem to be 'safe' or 'supportive' and start to panic if we can't 'have' them there at that exact moment. I find if I'm focussing a lot on it, that's when I know I need to do something else.

If you feel you want to take a break from therapy, maybe you could lengthen the time between sessions and space them out, so it's still there, but it gives you a little space? Maybe replace it with a contact point (I don't know if you have phone access between the two of you).

My T is suggesting I have a break at the moment, as I'm really stressed out and struggling a lot with EMDR, but I don't want to lose her. It's weird how I hear 'having a break' as 'that's it, don't ever come here again, I hate you' - black and white thinking much?!

Anyway, this isn't about me, sorry for rambling. Hope this mess was in someway helpful? (I'm trying to avoid sleep, because of the nightmares, so I'm tired!)
D/x

 

[kers]

I just feel like he is my lifeline right now. I don't like depending on anybody for anything let alone to be my lifeline. I trust him completely which is stupid, he is human so can and probably will let me down. I'm thinking maybe I should stop therapy for awhile. We are just getting into the real meat of everything.

It sounds like you are dependent upon someone for the first time, which is incredibly difficult for you do; a natural protective response is to distance yourself from the relationship and take a break. I'd suggest fighting that urge and instead muddle through with this hard stuff in therapy. If you are concerned by your dependence on your therapist, bring it up with him! Being able to discuss these feelings will help you better understand how to rely on other people without feeling this overwhelm.

I don't think any of what you said is stupid or sick. I look at my therapist's picture online when I am in a bad way, and he's written me notes to look at, too. When working through trauma, having someone who is a completely safe base to go back to is what can help us through. It's hard to believe, but the intensity of your feelings will fade, and the fastest way to that is through the trauma and discussing what you are feeling right now, rather than shutting it down leaving therapy.

 

[Jade-]

Iam, I personally don't think you should stop therapy, even though it's what I say I'm going to do all the time.

Maybe just putting a stop to the emails and contact in between sessions will help you feel less dependent on your T.

I'm the total opposite, I don't let myself become attached or dependent on anybody. The less I see my T., the better I like it.

And I think this forum, reading books and getting all the info on ptsd is a good thing. I am trying to learn all I can in order to help myself.

 

[Iam]

Thanks to all 3 of you ;o)

Kers... I dont' think it is the first time I am feeling dependent but maybe it is. I had told my physical therapist once that I didn't like being dependent on him to keep myself working out for my spinal stenosis. He said that "of course you're dependent, you've been married 30 years." My responce..I depend on my husband, I am not dependent on him, there's a big difference." This was and is a very true statement and there is a BIG difference. So maybe you are right. At the very least I have trouble depending on anyone...my experience is that they will let you down and it's better to take care of things for myself. I think it is a good idea to tell him, but I am terrified of being that vulnerable.

Disconnect......as you can see from the above, I too tend to attach myself to my drs. Did that with my Physical therapist and with the first psychologist and I left therapy with him for that reason. I think it is ridiculous that I "think they care". I am paying them for their help.....it is their career, how they earn their livings....there is no emotional investment on their part. It is strictly a one way street, which is WHY it feels SAFE.

Jade...I appreciate you so much. It has been nice sharing back and forth with you. I agree, I shouldn't stop....I think kers pointed out correctly that it is a defense mechanism when we get too close to the truth. Maybe you are right about the emails. Though I didn't see my T last week, which was only the second time in 10 months that we skipped a week and only then because I was on vacation both times. I really didn't expect him to email me back either time...though I did hope he would with the first one. I was simply emailing him my diary so I wouldn't have to be sitting in front of him the first time he read it. I had an absolute panic attack when I saw that he had replied both times last week. It was better though, because now I feel a little more comfortable talking about the details...I mean he KNOWS them now so what's the big deal right?......hmmm, yeah right, acckkk!

Thanks you guys. It makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one who keeps my T's picture handy. Still feels weird, but maybe it is normal for what we are going thru. Wow..NORMAL! HA LOL!