Welcome
You have value even if you can't see it yet.
No matter what, you deserve to be treated with respect.
I see from your other posts you are looking for something to belive in. That makes sense given how you feel about yourself. I would just ask you proceed cautiously and focus on research and learning versus emotions in any belief. I say this from personal experience.
If you are hoping to be accepted and loved by something that only communicates via feelings and signs left open to personal interpretation, if they are actually signs at all, you may be too vunerable right now to projecting your feelings towards yourself onto whatever you are seeking.
If you expect to be rejected, you are going to end up feeling rejected whether that deity is rejecting you or not, under the premis that they exist. If you feel you deserve mistreatment, you may feel mistreated by said deity. This is because those feelings are coming from within you, not from without.
It took me along time to realise I was just torturing myself because I expected a deity to make me feel loved because I wasn't getting it from myself or others.
To be clear, I am not suggesting that yiu believe or disbelieve anything. I am only saying don't rely on on any feeling that causes you pain.
