I Am Not 'they'

[shimmerz]

The mentally ill in general are depicted as being violent; that's probably why United States cops tend to shoot mentally ill people when called to deal with the mentally ill

So do Canadian cops.

We nutters are more statistically likely to be crime *victims* than perps...presumably it's the so-called sane people coming after us, yes?

Exactly. I am 'apparently' mentally ill, but I have never struck anyone... ever. I am damaged by those that have not been deemed mentally ill by means of outrageous violence. It is serious CRAZY the way this all works.

Mentally ill or not - lots of people have issues with anger/violence. Just because I have PTSD does NOT make me violent. Allowing PTSD'ers to be spoken about as 'why are they so violent' does NOT help our cause. None of us.

 

[Sweetpea76]

The entire original post says "Like why the need to yell, name call, or have the last word? Don't they see that they may win the battle but are losing the war?"

The language thing is an interesting point... Especially considering the post was in the anonymous supporter section. I'm wondering if it was more of an attempt to keep things gender neutral to protect their anonymity... Although the tenses seem to indicate plural, which makes it look like a generalization. It could be a generalization, a matter of confusing grammar, or a poorly considered vent hastily typed out with little planning for language. Everything is up for interpretation.

Also, just for clarification... We don't know who made the post, or if they are a new member or new supporter. It seems to be so, but who knows?

For what it's worth, I don't see it as a comment on all sufferers being violent. It's a long way from yelling and needing the last word to being dangerous or violent. That's just my interpretation though.

 

[shimmerz]

For what it's worth, I don't see it as a comment on all sufferers being violent.

fair enough. It may well be that I am sensitive to it based on where I am in my healing. Still think it was worth pointing out.

 

[shimmerz]

For what it's worth, I don't see it as a comment on all sufferers being violent. It's a long way from yelling and needing the last word to being dangerous or violent. That's just my interpretation though.

And correct. I thank you for that. I went back and revisited the post and there is nothing about violence in it. Interesting that I used the word violence when speaking in this posting about it. It looks like I assume that yelling is violent. Thank you @Sweetpea76 . I appreciate your hanging in with this. All of you actually.

 

[stillstanding2]

It's a long way from yelling and needing the last word to being dangerous or violent.

If heard consistently, "yelling and needing the last word" are forms of psychological violence, dangerous to not only the health of the target, but to anyone (such as children) who overhear it. And there have been times when I would have preferred being slapped than having some things said or yelled at me. It is all part of a hateful continuum.

 

[StarChild]

@shimmerz, I wonder the whole time, since this thread got started about one thing; Did you go and told / wrote that supporter that her way of addressing her problems did: hurt your feelings / was inappropriate / annoyed you (and so on)

It may not be something that others here feel matters to them, but it does to me.

So...did you clearly communicate that to that poster?.. (Because, since it was an anonymous thread, you wouldn't have risked any personal information or even exposure.)

 

[shimmerz]

No, I didn't @TreeHugger. Someone already asked the question of the poster 'who is they'. There was no response. The thread was dropped after the 'who is they?' question.

 

[shimmerz]

If heard consistently, "yelling and needing the last word" are forms of psychological violence, dangerous to not only the health of the target, but to anyone

This is, in fact, very true and I thought of this when I posted my apology. I think I still have some work to do on this myself. Much of my last part of my last relationship was filled with this stuff, so thought it was just me being sensitive. There was also talk of battles and wars - I think that got to me too, although the poster, I don't believe, actually meant it as such.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Sorry for another county heard from (again), but I agree with some saying this may have been more innocuous language. "They" was actually in the dictionary for many years as a gender-neutral singular. I remember because people used to complain about The Doors lyric "you know that they would be a liar..."

So could be the person was just referring to their SO and deliberately being gender neutral as part of anonymity. Hard to know.

 

[Sweetpea76]

You did make valid points @shimmerz... And it made for an interesting thread. Yelling, name calling, or being mean in general isn't excusable, and I agree it can be harmful. It also isn't fair to say "all PTSD sufferers" or "they" do that (or anything) either. It's just plain not true.

My sufferer has never called me a name in my life. He's not a bowl of cherries all the time, and he does lash out verbally, but he has never stooped to the level of name calling.

Generalizations suck.

 

[shimmerz]

Thanks @sweetpea. Agreed. Many great points from all sides of this post. Something great things for me to think about.

 

[rightkindofme]

That is precisely how I would word something in order to not assign gender to a specific person. I work very hard at excising gender from my language unless it is absolutely necessary because I have a gender ambiguous child and I just plain need the practice.

I'm really sorry that it read in a way that hurt your feelings though. I often have really intense reactions like that. I wish I knew what to say to indicate, "Thank you for being brave enough to work through your feelings here." Other than to be that kinda weird.

I'm having a really really really really bad day. I am trying to be supportive because I feel like a giant pile of ____. I hope it comes through in a positive way.