Relationship I Am Now A Trigger For His Ptsd

[RaiAnn]

What I believe I left out was that he was recently diagnosed with Grave's disease which can cause many of the issues he's been having. Only we didn't know it until about a month ago. I agree I've put up with far more than I should have but with the Grave's getting under control, those incidents may never happen again. Then again, they might. I don't know. Group on Wednesday and another counselor on Thursday. He texted me last night with something about the VA, I replied that he can't contact me about such things. He apologized and I left it at that.

 

[NicG]

He sounds very angry and manipulative. PTSD or not, Graves or not, that's a dangerous combination and you deserve safety. If your friends and family who actually know him feel that way too, that's a definite sign you need to leave. Love is blind, but those outside of your relationship are NOT.

Regardless of his mental/physical condition, he needs to be able to accept the consequences of his actions. He isn't able to do this, and you staying there/taking it/not putting your foot down and just walking is enabling that.

those incidents may never happen again.

Please stop letting him get away with his actions because of whatever his conditions are. They will just keep happening, and you'll learn to excuse more and more. One day he could actually hurt you and you'll end up traumatised.
All of us on this forum don't use our PTSD as an excuse to hurt others. When we fly off the handle we take responsibility. That tells you that you can rule PTSD out as a cause for what he's doing. It's not his mental state, it's HIM.

 

[RaiAnn]

We're not together anymore. He kicked me out. I'm home, mourning/grieving. He is moving on with his apparently fabulous single life.

 

[Sighs]

I know it doesn't feel like it right now but I think you just dodged a bullet. Hugs!

 

[RaiAnn]

I broke down and texted him to ask if his appt with psych went well today. Waiting to hear back. He insists he is getting help and his life is so much better without all my negativity and drama. I'm a sociopath, mentally lazy, retarded, stupid, weak, etc.

 

[nursenurse]

Quit :banghead::banghead::banghead:. When he comes begging back for you, I hope you have the backbone to say no. Because odds are he will, and instead of him feeling lucky, you will feel lucky that this low life poor excuse for a man allowed you back into his life. He is a lout, likely a cheater (for awhile now) and makes a bad name for the rest of the sufferers who try. Leave him alone. Sit on your hands, phone a friend, eat peanuts in a shell, but do not contact him. Change all your I.d. You deserve better, but you will only reap what you think you deserve. If a bottom dweller is it, then you are already there.

 

[RaiAnn]

He replied that she called to cancel the appt tomorrow and that's he's happy now anyway, training, and becoming a "beast" because of all his working out. Super awesome things to say to the girl who's heart you just broke. Yes, I would totally tell someone how happy I was without them when I knew how much they were hurting still. He's a gem. I'm sickened. I don't think he'll come begging back though. I've served my purpose to him. He got what he wanted and now he'll move on to the next target.

 

[nursenurse]

Look, you can't beat yourself up because you fell in love. You can only learn from it and move on. Remember that he is the sick one, and that PTSD is not his only problem, there may be more mental illness inside. Go slow, grieve and heal. Guys who do numbers on girls abound, and I imagine it also works in the opposite direction. You know you can love, you know you can heal. Who has another piece to the discernment puzzle of relationships. Now, focus the attention on you. Love you, that is the most important relationship to have. The rest will follow in time.

 

[RaiAnn]

Well he's been texting me all night and this morning about drama with his parents who he still runs to over money all the time. He's 37 and getting nearly 4 grand a month from both the VA and SSI combined. Money is not something he is lacking. He canceled all the appts I worked for a month to get him at the VA for his various ailments and tried to stop taking the thyroid meds but the patient advocate called him and talked him out of that one. All the VA stuff stems from his pych appt being canceled by the dr due to an emergency with another patient. He is now lamenting about how no one cares about him and he can't even trust me anymore and oh woe is him, I don't want to hear his drama either. Saying he is just a burden on the VA and the taxpayers and they'd rather him dead so that's why he tried to stop taking the thyroid meds. He is also not keeping up with the lab work he is supposed to be doing for the thyroid.

He is refusing any psych help and is off depakote now too, claiming that all he needs is jiujitsu. He is now down to two people in his life: myself and his best friend who recently moved down who is mostly in the dark about how severely mentally ill he is.

Grave's Disease, bi-polar, PTSD, GAD, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, and various issues with his knee/shoulder/back. I have my suspicions that he may possibly be a sociopath as well but he insists he is not and I haven't seen that in any of his paperwork although he did make a very strange comment while at the endocrinologist, claiming that he is aware that Grave's can look like sociopathy.

I don't want to tell him he can't vent to me and most of this I can handle but he did make a comment about getting a new car and that upset me because you know, broken hearted ex wondering what girl will be enjoying his new car. I told him I don't need to know if he gets a new car or what kind but did tell him that I thought getting a 5.0 Mustang at his age was screaming mid-life crisis and that he should focus on something more practical with better gas mileage since he's complaining about the cost of gas with his current car as it is.

 

[nursenurse]

Why do you not want to sever the ties? You will be forever tied and be unable to move on for yourself if you do not block him. Is using Graves as a crutch. And his PTSD, and whatever else he can. Get your blinders off and move on. You are not his only friend, trust me on that, and you are not the only one one who can help him heal. You are enabling him, and you are keeping yourself submerged in a drama that could very well end violently. I repeat, CUT HIM OUT. The manipulation is so obvious, it is scary. And your best revenge, will be living well, which you will never be able to do until you sever the communication.

 

[Kintsugi]

I really think it's important for your mental health to ask him to stop contacting you about matters that don't concern YOUR personal business (if he's involved with that in any way).

I'm sorry. I don't think our members are likely to tell you to support him through it all, be strong, suffer through, he'll be a changed man... All I can say is tell him to stop and move on with your life.

 

[RaiAnn]

Ugh. No, not what I wanted to hear but probably what I need to hear. Now he's trying to get my son to go work out with him and asking for my help starting a business (I own two).

Honestly though, I am his only friend aside from the roomie. He can't keep anyone in his life long because well, he acts like this.