I Am So Proud Of Myself!

[Iam]

Tonight I made a stand! I have always struggled with being co-dependent. Jadebear and I had a long chat and that was just kind of thrown in the mix.

My husband has been noticing and commending me for telling my step-father and mother that "I'm sorry but it is not my problem and I can't solve it for you" when they try to rope me in to taking care of my mother when she is drunk or in bed depressed.

Tonight I made a stand with my friend. I had quit our partnership yesterday and she is understandably having a tough time with it. Today she started playing mind games with me in her texts. Trying to manipulate me, wanting me to feel sorry for her, wanting me to come running over to hold her. She'd say one thing then retract it and say another. We both suffer from PTSD and have been quite co-dependent the last 9 months which is part of the reason I quit.

Tonight I set boundaries with her. I first told her how capable she is, how sweet, loving and deserving of my trust. I told her that she has my love, my support, my friendship and my trust. I explained that we have been living in a co-dependent friendship and that I won't do it anymore. I told her that I will help her when I can and when it is healthy for both of us. I told her that when I can't do something that I will tell her so, but may choose not to tell her why. It was all said in love and respect. I hope she takes it that way.

Anyway, my husband is proud of me. He was also so appreciative of the nice dinner I had waiting for him when he got home. Fresh veggies from our garden, freshly dug and roasted red potatoes and Grilled chicken with his wonderful homemade BBQ sauce. Sorry....it's just been so long since I've cooked for him. I guess another accomplishment! I have always loved being a homemaker and hated working outside the home, though I will be happy with a part time job when the time comes.

Anyway.....feeling good that I stood up for myself and my friend to make a healthier relationship! Maybe that awful role play my T had me do of pushing the rapist away was more self empowering than I thought???? Hmmm....;o)

 

[Jawn]

Great job Iam. That was a big accomplishment for you.

 

[AdamAnt]

A major accomplishment! And it perpetuated more good things and reactions in your life!

I do hope your friend finds the silver lining and maybe even realizes a better, stronger path for her own life.

 

[curiouser]

Iam, good for you!

 

[NIKI]

You should be proud of yourself, good for you! NIKI

 

[Deleted member 541]

Making a stand, is hard to do, but needed in recovery. We have to take care of ourselves first......Good job!!!!!!

 

[intothelight]

Hi Iam,

It is wonderful that you have chosen to put your needs first and are focusing on what you need to do to get better. We can only change ourselves, and not those around us, so setting the boundaries is a positive step.

I'm glad you are finding peace in your decision to take a break from work. Looking at the benefits is a great way to handle the change.

Intothelight

 

[Iam]

Thanks Tlight. The great thing is that my friend has responded well to the email I sent her. I am not saying that it isn't hard for her, but she isn't trying to manipulate me right now. Maybe if I can get my act together I can be a good role model for her. Sure wish she could get into therapy herself.

I am amazed at how good my attitude and outlook is this week. I feel free for now!!!! Hopefully it will make it easier for me to work thru the memories with my T. Just need to take hold and remember to change my thought patterns when they turn negative.