I Am So Scared Right Now

[Leanne1]

It's 9am and I already can't breath. I am so overwhelmed by anxiety.

Ok, I am still alive, so I must be breathing:) (somehow sense of humor is still here)

My little boy is watching a cartoon, and I am about to make breakfast.

I feel like there is someone else in the house. Someone dangerous. I feel like I have to protect my son from danger. I have to protect myself.

And here we are alone. No one else here.

I feel crazy. My body is shaking, I am fighting to not let this get me. Overtake me.

Some days are worse than others.

I won't write the images that keep flashing. (In case they trigger anyone else here)

I am rarely alone.the people who hurt me are usually here. They feel like they are standing behind me, watching.

I am very scared right now.

Life right now is far away. The sounds are far away, the things I need to do seem strange.

I really am fighting right now. I want/ need to be here, for my son.

I am going to fight the sadness I feel right now and get mad. Sometimes that helps fight them off for a while. I get tough.

The truth is I'm tired and am really sad. But I won't tell them. They like that.

Now I am sounding as crazy as I feel right now. :O_o:

 

[franciemarnie]

Your survival brain - the limbic - has been triggered to feel you are in danger and is flooding you with stress hormones. The best fastest way for me to show the survival portion of the brain that I am not in danger is to move. Walk or kick out or box the air or dance or...show it that you are not trapped.

It only picks up sensory messages. Take a warm shower or smell something that immediately tells you you are safe, etc. You will learn what works.

You are safe, but once the survival brain's lever is sort of jammed - you have to deal with its alternate reality.

 

[Leanne1]

I've never been in this state for such a long period of time.

Thanks @franciemarnie I will keep reminding myself that I'm safe.

Funny picturing myself dancing around my house, but I'm going to give it a try.