After many years of living without knowing I had Combat PTSD as well as childhood PTSD due to living in a very unstable, sometimes violent and physically abusive (always emotionally abusive) family, I was finally diagnosed with Combat, severe, chronic Combat PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder. Of course anxiety and panic were a part of this that was also misidentified and undiagnosed. At age 63 (six years ago) I was finally diagnosed by the VA as having Combat PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, anxiety disorder. I began with medication and CBT. The CBT lasted about two years before I quit. I still take meds, and see a psychiatrist monthly. She serves as therapist and medication prescriber. I have had some but not much help in coping. My family has finally abandoned me after 28 years of "putting up" with my symptoms but not knowing from whence they came.
Last year I read an article on the internet advocating ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy) (SHOCK!) after repeated attempts at suicide. The last attempt would have succeeded except some time after I lost consciousness the Electric Cord I was using to hang myself snapped and I fell to the concrete floor smashing my face on it.
Last year my wife had me put in a mental hospital after I overdosed on benzodiazepam accidentally. While I was in the hospital she and the kids decided they did not want me back and filed a restraining order. MY wife started divorce proceedings ...... again.... and I was left out in the cold. No one cared that I had PTSD or Major Depressive Disorder or any mental or physical issues. They just wanted me gone! And so I had no place to go, no one to talk with, and nothing to do. It was just before Christmas time that I became, once again, seriously suicidal. I went to my VA hospital and sought audience with the head of the behavioral medicine department who my non VA psychiatrist knew personally. I told him of the article I read about ECT being of great benefit to Vets who had co morbid Combat PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder. He agreed to treat me with ECT. I had seven treatments over a three week period.
The end result was that I was no longer suicidal, experienced a sort of "reset" and seemed able to handle my situation with some sense of control. I am still in a lot of pain emotionally because my wife has left me, my kids have left home, and my dog had to be given away because I could no longer care for her.
I am totally alone now; and just waiting on my wife to do whatever she is going to do. I am a Christian so I pray every day that God will work a miracle to keep my family together.
It still seems that my family is less concerned about my mental health than their own happiness; and I don't really blame them. I just wish there was a way they could accept me with my mental illnesses and love me with the understanding that I love them with all of my heart despite the outbursts and other symptoms of PTSD that I have. But it does not look like that is going to happen any time soon, at least so far as my wife is concerned.
Two of my three kids are now speaking with me, but don't want to talk about my PTSD or mental issues. They just want me to be "normal" around them and not talk about anything. They have pushed my wife to divorce me and were largely responsible for her getting the restraining order and moving forward with legal separation/divorce? for the future. My family just "exploded" like it was hit with a mortar round or something. Everyone gone in different directions. Wife in Kansas with her family, one son in San Francisco, a daughter moving to Ireland in less than a month, and my oldest (married stepdaughter) living in Kansas City KS with her husband and new baby. (She did not even tell me she was pregnant or when she had the baby) She does not communicate with me at all and has not for over a year now.
Nevertheless, I would recommend that you talk with a psychiatrist about trying ECT. It really did do a number on my brain, and I found that I was just not thinking the way I did before. I returned to a more rational way of looking at things. I am still depressed. And though I often think I would be better off dead, I do not have the over riding desire to kill myself that I did before the ECT. You might look into it.
Wishing you all the best.
