I Do Not Need You Vodka

[This Ends Now]

Do you hear that you sorry piece of shit drug? I DO NOT NEED YOU! I WILL NOT WALK TO THE STORE AND BUY A BOTTLE! I WILL NOT DRINK!

All the stupid voices in my head can just shut the hell up. You are wrong. You are all wrong. I am NOT evil. It was NOT a mistake to keep living. The world would NOT be better if I had killed myself years ago. I am NOT a coward for continuing to live. F*** you all! I am NOT a monster. I am NOT a parasite on the economy. My friends and family would NOT be better off without me. My mother should NOT have aborted me. MY LIFE HAS VALUE!

These thoughts will NOT last forever. The visions of torture are already starting to fade. Just because I can see these evil things now does not mean that I will have to live with them for the rest of my life. I have my medications and they WILL kick in less than 30 min from now. So F*** you intrusive thoughts. F*** you I said, and again F*** you and shut the hell up! You WILL go away as soon as my medication kicks in. I have already taken it. You evil voices are already done for!

I am in a safe place and people care about me. You monsters cannot hurt me anymore. You can try, but you will FAIL! So F*** OFF! Go back to the depths of hell from whence you came. You have NO control over me and I WILL defeat you.

There, see.... you are already starting to go away... I am already starting to feel better. I did not need a drink after all.

Thanks for putting up with this post.

Liz H.

 

[evergreen]

Nice work Liz. Keep the strength. You are worth it.

 

[This Ends Now]

Evergreen,

Thanks. Sometimes it helps me to yell back at the intrusive thoughts. I am very glad the medication is starting to kick in. I will probably be taking a short nap soon from them, but at least its not a drunken stupor. Thanks for letting me vent. It helped a lot!

Liz H.

 

[pebbels]

Good on you Liz:clap:Kick arse:smile:

Pebs:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Nicolette]

I am so glad for you that venting worked and you didn't drink.

Keep using this thread to re-vent whenever you have the urge if it helps you.

 

[a3a2]

Great job, Liz! I love the concept of yelling to beat the demons that plague you....I'll have to give it a try.

 

[lexie381]

Yes! I agree, someone else told me just to shout back at intrusive thoughts and I think it's a great idea! Good for you!:smile:

 

[LoveWins]

:clap: Yes, I 'm so pleased for you. You are strong. You can do this. Great job getting all that out

 

[teknisa]

I'm glad to see you have vented and got it out! That anger can't be bottled up inside of you it only perpetuates so let it out as much as you need.

If you Google Atlanta Shambhala you can find the meditation center in ATL. I have not been there personally, yet anyway. I do not know your religious/spiritual background but the Shambhala center is a Buddhist center where people are there to help you no matter what the problem is. The monks there will teach you the art of meditation. It is free.

My neighbors both grew up with alcoholic parents (not implying that you are one) and they swear by the shambhala center (they are Jewish, so it doesn’t matter what your background is anyone can practice Buddhism) as the husband’s parents completely changed their lives by going there. I'm only offering this as a suggestion because I know it has helped others.

Keep that love strong inside your soul and your heart because you are worth it!

Tek

 

[This Ends Now]

Thank you all for the encouragement and support!

I am happy to say that I am still clean and sober, I did not give in, I did not let the evil win. I give it no sanctuary, not anymore.

Tek: Thank you for the suggestion! It is quite timely that you mentioned a Buddhist meditation center in Atlanta. I have an extensive religious background and have been studying various theological perspectives since I was 8 years old. I am currently trying to learn more about the dharmic traditions, with an emphasis on Tebetan Buddhism, Zen Buddhism, and Yoga. (Have not gotten around to Hinduism or Seekism, but they are on the to do list). The concept that EVERYTHING changes is something that I have found tremendous comfort in, and so my study of the 4 Noble Truths and the 5 recollections has helped improve my world view. I will be sure to get online and check out the Shambhala Center, it sounds awesome!

Thanks again,

Liz H.

 

[This Ends Now]

I Refuse To Relapse

F*** YOU ALCOHOL! I will not relapse. It is not you that I am craving right now. You are a liar. You will not make my stress go away. There is nothing good that you can do for me. If I get even close to you I would be in violation of my parole and you know that. You just want me to go to jail don't you. You are an a** hole vodka. There is not a single thing in my life that has ever been improved by you. You are a worthless piece of S*** drug and I DO NOT NEED YOU. I WILL NOT DRINK!!!!:wall:

 

[This Ends Now]

Seriously vodka.... quit trying to whisper in my ear. You cannot cure my grandfather's prostate cancer. You cannot cure my mother in law's ovarian cancer. You cannot make me a better worker. You cause cancer, you do not cure it. You make people lazy, not hard working. You cause mental health problems you do not cure them.

I have my relaxing tea that will not harm me like you will so you really have no chance. I found something better than you and I will not go back. :stupid: