Hey there, I'm new on this site and this is the first time I've ever posted online like this especially about ptsd
But I'm 20 and my mom was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive with me and her bf beat her up and she beat him up too.a lotttt more happened and there's a lot more detail in my story but Just a lot of bad and fighting from ages 8-18. And we lived on the outskirts of town so even when I had friends in school they were never really close to me and I would tell them about my home life and they always ignored that, but one girl, she was a lot different than me but we got along and she was there when some of that abuse happened so she knows what I had been through and her mom has ptsd and wasnt a very good mom to her and so she called her fat a lot etc so she developed an eating disorder but we were best friends and it felt real and good and we could do nothing or talk about nothing and be okay without me feeling like "but does this person really know me?" Anyways I dropped out of School my senior year and moved in with my now fiancee and six months after that we moved to a state we've never even been to to kinda get away. And we've been here for almost 2 years and I still don't have a friend. The first year we were here I had just gotten diagnosed with ptsd and it was so hard for me to even do anything and I got better so this past fall I decided to go to beauty school. and Its weird because we've been there for a few months in the same setting, a same group of around 10 girls. And EVERYONE is friends with each other now, like close friends and I am barely acquainted with these girls. I've told two of them that I had ptsd and I'm sure a few overheard but when I told both of the girls (seperately) they both had the same sort of reaction. Just like "oh. Yeah (starts talking about how their little family didn't get along with each other for a month)" and it's like they don't really understand the levity and how hard it is for me to even leave the house yet be around people all day so I kind of am just cordial with everyone. But my fiancé and I are getting married soon and I feel so so so lame and stupid and like there's something wrong with me, I keep thinking about how I've never seen a bride with absolutely zero friends. And my entire family is controlling and don't really get what ptsd is and brush it off. The only person that I can talk to that understands everything is my fiance CUZ he's been there and helped me with everything. I'm sorry this is so long. I just want to have at least one friend in this town where I feel comfortable when I'm with them and we can talk about heavy stuff and not so heavy stuff. I just want a good friend and I know that doesn't happen easily for most people but I think seeing all the girls at my school completely hit it off with each other and how they're all bffs now just makes me feel like I'm an outsider and they all know it and I feel ridiculous like will I ever have a friendship that I want? sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense :/ idk what I'm asking even. Does anybody feel like this or has anyone gone through something like this?
But I'm 20 and my mom was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive with me and her bf beat her up and she beat him up too.a lotttt more happened and there's a lot more detail in my story but Just a lot of bad and fighting from ages 8-18. And we lived on the outskirts of town so even when I had friends in school they were never really close to me and I would tell them about my home life and they always ignored that, but one girl, she was a lot different than me but we got along and she was there when some of that abuse happened so she knows what I had been through and her mom has ptsd and wasnt a very good mom to her and so she called her fat a lot etc so she developed an eating disorder but we were best friends and it felt real and good and we could do nothing or talk about nothing and be okay without me feeling like "but does this person really know me?" Anyways I dropped out of School my senior year and moved in with my now fiancee and six months after that we moved to a state we've never even been to to kinda get away. And we've been here for almost 2 years and I still don't have a friend. The first year we were here I had just gotten diagnosed with ptsd and it was so hard for me to even do anything and I got better so this past fall I decided to go to beauty school. and Its weird because we've been there for a few months in the same setting, a same group of around 10 girls. And EVERYONE is friends with each other now, like close friends and I am barely acquainted with these girls. I've told two of them that I had ptsd and I'm sure a few overheard but when I told both of the girls (seperately) they both had the same sort of reaction. Just like "oh. Yeah (starts talking about how their little family didn't get along with each other for a month)" and it's like they don't really understand the levity and how hard it is for me to even leave the house yet be around people all day so I kind of am just cordial with everyone. But my fiancé and I are getting married soon and I feel so so so lame and stupid and like there's something wrong with me, I keep thinking about how I've never seen a bride with absolutely zero friends. And my entire family is controlling and don't really get what ptsd is and brush it off. The only person that I can talk to that understands everything is my fiance CUZ he's been there and helped me with everything. I'm sorry this is so long. I just want to have at least one friend in this town where I feel comfortable when I'm with them and we can talk about heavy stuff and not so heavy stuff. I just want a good friend and I know that doesn't happen easily for most people but I think seeing all the girls at my school completely hit it off with each other and how they're all bffs now just makes me feel like I'm an outsider and they all know it and I feel ridiculous like will I ever have a friendship that I want? sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense :/ idk what I'm asking even. Does anybody feel like this or has anyone gone through something like this?
