I Don't Know How Much Longer I Plan On Doing This

[Nighthawk]

((((((((Sqweek))))))))
Wishing you some peace of mind

 

[Navy Spouse]

Hugs to you Sqweek.;)

Elaina, I read a book along time ago. It was written by a man who claims to be able to see spirits. You've probably seen him on TV or someone like him and the deceased will speak through him to give a message to a family member. I've never been sure if I believe or not. Anyways your story about the moose reminded me of the book because it said that often spirits will let you know they are around through animals. It gave an example of someone who had lost someone close to them. The person that passed away loved blue birds. The grieving man would set on a park bench just to think when ever he was really missing her and each time a blue bird would appear, fly around near him and then fly away. In the book it was said that this was the womans spirit letting him know she was still with him......?? It said that we're usually to busy to notice the signs that our loved ones are still with us.

In the book it told you how to "ask" animals to show you that you have spirits around you. It was something simple like relaxing while lying down and requesting that a certain animal would show itself. For the heck of it I tried it. We have deer in the woods behind our house. During the summer you can hear twigs snapping when they walk but rarely do they come out of the woods near the house. My request was that the deer would come out of the woods where we would see them. I was reading the book at night and saw nothing the whole next day. That night I again sat down to read the book and had been reading about a half hour when my husband yelled from the kitchen "Hey hun, come look at the deer. There were two deer standing in the back yard. ???? coincidence, maybe... but I don't really think so. My husband thought I had lost it when I had tears in my eyes due to seeing a couple of deer. (I had to explain what I was reading, he didn't really buy it.)

What a surprise for your husband to by you a moose.:)

 

[CPTSD]

Wow, what a cool story, Navy Spouse! We definitely live in a world full of mystery and wonder.

Yes, my husband buying the moose WHILE I WAS WRITING MY MOOSE STORY is amazing to both of us. He produced the receipt, and the time on it was 6 minutes before I posted my story here... I had taken several minutes to write it and proof it before posting, so I have no doubt that he bought the moose, as I was writing the above story!

 

[The Albatross]

Don't give up on the hope for change Sqweak... it can happen. I am not suicidal anymore... though am still a "moderate" risk.

 

[mamachick]

Wish I had some words of wisdom and something inspiring to say. Yet the only thing keeping me here is the pain that I would cause my children if I caused my own life to end. So for the past couple of weeks, every night I go to bed and pray that God takes me while I sleep. I am unable to find any hope and it just doesnt matter.

 

[landytoday]

I don't want to do this my whole life; going to bed hoping tomorrow is different and then waking up to the over whelming disappointment that It's exactly the same.

Such a waste of space

Such a waste of time…

I just don't want to do this anymore.

I had a really hard time with the PTSD diagnosis. I couldn't believe that I couldn't control this. I thought I was stronger. Apparantly so did a lot of other people too. The stupid sh** people say. And I had to realize and acknowledge that having PTSD didn't mean I was weak. But I have to accept it and try to get some relief because if I don't....there is no way I can live this way, I won't. Constant physical and emotional pain, nightmares, panic attacks, total psycho emotional meltdowns.....no way. I won't live this way. Its almost been one year. I have a cut off date. I keep that date to myself. But if not healed by then..But, if I hadn't accepted the DX of PTSD,MDD,and Panic Attacks with Agoraphobia I don't think I would have any chance at all.

 

[landytoday]

.I was 13 when my father died. He killed himself by hang himself and I found him. It was his 14 attemps in 13 years. I'm now 48 years old and I can tell you I still suffer from his act. So all I can tell is hang in there. You are worth it... Sending a huge hug to you...

This more than anything else I have read gives me a lot of pause. My children are adults 29,23,19. And grief is painful. I know. I am a widow from my first marriage. But, I really thought they would grieve, process and go on without excess pain or suffering. I'm wondering if it was that you were so young, or horribly the one who found him. The repeateded attempts. So many differences and yet....you just don't know. Maybe it is merely the act itself The thought of my kids suffering for decades and possibly beyond is worse I think than the hell life I live now. hmmmm

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[kimba]

Hi Sqweak,. I have had so many ups and downs the last couple of weeks that I can't even explain it. I have not been totally honest with my T either because I know I have disappointed her lately. I haven't been coping as well as I had been and had some suicidal thoughts in the last week I didn't even tell her about. It seems to change each day depending upon what happens both internally and externally. Hope you are feeling better by now. Thinking of you...

 

[Srain]

Sqweak, hoping you are feeling better, checking in on you.

(((hugs)))

I have had so many ups and downs the last couple of weeks that I can't even explain it. I have not been totally honest with my T either because I know I have disappointed her lately.

Kimba, carrying those suicidal thoughts gets soooo rough at times, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling lately. I can't imagine your T is disappointed when you are the one that is reaching out for the help and she is the one that is suppose to provide the support. I hope that you are able to let her know this is how you are feeling.

(((Kimba)))