General I Don't Know My Husband Anymore

[Bailey22]

Hello
I have never in my life joined a forum and this alone scares me.

Here goes my story and I hope someone can give me some advice.

I have been married for 18 years to a man who I don't even know anymore.

My husband is a volunteer fire fighter . He has been involved with the fire department for 17 years.

My husbands reasoning to joining the fire department stems from a accident he witness as a teenager.

He saw his father catch fire when he was 17 years old and when he called the volunteer fire department they did not respond in time and he had to take his father to the hospital where he stayed for a couple months in the burn unit.

Since 1999 my husband has witnessed a lot of horrific accidents and each time after the event he would be angry and short tempered at home with me and the kids and it gradually got worse over time. However if I mentioned leaving the fire department that only caused a big fight . I at the time had not heard of PTSD and now have my own guilt for not handling things differently.

My husband has night sweats, night terrors, can not sleep, and plays video games all night long.

When I ask for help in anyway around the house he gets angry.

This past year was the worest things have ever been. I could not do anything right, I couldn't even buy him a gift that he was happy about. He would get verbally, emotionally , and physically abusive towards me over the course of the year. He has a very short temper and drives recklessly with me and the kids.

It just feels like over the years things just got worse and this year was the breaking point for us.

I have been depressed myself for the last five years since my father had a stroke.

In July my father passed away and in August my husband left me. My husband said some really hurtful things like "you under estimate how much I hate you" I am trying to hold things together the best I know how .

My husband refuses to think he has ptsd in anyway and maybe he don't but everything I have read points that direction. I wanted to try marriage councilling and he flat out refused. When I asked what did I do wrong he could not give me a answer. When he did give a answer it was just all the little things. He said that he is not in love with me.

We are now heading down the path towards a divorce. I am heart broken since I have been with him for 22 years and married 18. I just feel deep down he is not telling me something.

On top of all this I moved down to his family farm 18 years ago to raise a family. My family all live 10 hours away . I feel alone with my two daughters in his Grandparents house they gave us to live in.

I am now forced to find a new home in a town I really don't want to live in but I will do it for my children.

I rely heavily on friends for comfort and support .

Friends have asked my husband if the divorce is really going to make him happy. His answere was I hope so.

Is getting a divorce the only answere ?

What will happen after the divorce will he truly be happy ?

I realize that if he doesn't see he has any problem and refuses marriage councilling I really have no choice. It just hurts so bad right now.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I would Suggest you encourage him to come here himself, The Forum has a vast and great Supporters Section and an even Bigger Contingency of Sufferers.

Leave a browser of the Site Icon on the Desktop, Let the intigue get the better of him.

Uk :hug:s if you accept them

 

[Wounded Scribe]

Yes, I agree @Santa_Laurie has advised.

In 2011, a therapist said to me, "Your PTSD is 'screaming at me'". I was in denial. I said, "No way, the ___________ happened a very long time ago. I am over that." I was wrong. Nearly, every single symptom your husband is experiencing, I experienced as well as countless other members here. Just, witnessing his father's terrible moment is enough to generate PTSD. Please, refer him here to start with. I know, he would find at least one member's story and say, "Oh my god, that's me!!!" It happens to me, every, single, time, I visit here.

Thinking and pulling for you.

 

[Anarchy]

The guys have it

Undiagnosed PTSD was a big factor in me completely effing up the relationships which have mattered so far in my life.

a relationship counsellor spotted the problem in me, four or five years ago, and I didn't believe him until August this year, when looking at sites like this one, the penny finally dropped.

This is me as an amateur - I could be completely wrong, see if you can relate to it: Traumatized people have a habit of acting out the trauma time and again, in their heads and in their actions; trying to make it come out "right".

We're only human, and we can never get everything right; everytime we fail we beat the hell out of ourselves for not being good enough. It's hard for someone to be good to other people when they can't even be good to their self.

If he's rejecting you at the present time, Do you have a mutual and trusted friend (preferably one of his fellow fire fighters) who could engineer to meet him for a coffee and be browsing this forum on a tablet/laptop/home computer, when he comes in? or leaves a printo out lying around, he doesn't need say anything, and it might be better if he doesn't - if your husband follows his own curiosity, and feels in control, rather than forced or manipulated - so much the better.:hug:

 

[Bailey22]

Thank You for your suggestions I will definitely try and get him to notice this site with hope he will take a interest.

Also Thank You for your insight to what is happening I feel better knowing that I am on the right track to understanding.

Thank You

 

[Bailey22]

Thank You I will definitely take your advice.

Also Thank You for your insight it helped me understand things better.

 

[Bailey 22]

Hello
Since my last post I have also discovered my husband is having a affair with a former close friend.

Is it possible he lost his feelings for me due to PTSD and treated me horrible and then found happiness with the affair of a former friend.

I still see all the PTSD symptoms but he refused to accept he may have PTSD.

 

[Queen Boudica]

No, he's abusive, he's a cheater, none of this is ptsd. PTSD or not his behaviour is abuse and the kids are growing up in that environment and exposed to it. It is not good. If he can't accept he needs to change you need to get out.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Is it possible he lost his feelings for me due to PTSD and treated me horrible and then found happiness with the affair of a former friend.

No. PTSD does not cause anybody to cheat or lie.