I don't take criticism or rejection well, do you?

[Changing4Best]

Just curious, you're aware of how to edit posts, right?

I figured that since the "powers that be" decided to blend the 2 posts together, that if I tried to separate them again, as they had been originally, that they would just end up blended together again, so I didn't bother, but just wrote what I did about it instead.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I figured that since the "powers that be" decided to blend the 2 posts together, that if I tried to separate them again, as they had been originally, that they would just end up blended together again

Edit and tag the 2nd person above what you meant for that person?

 

[Changing4Best]

Edit and tag the 2nd person above what you meant for that person?

It's too much to bother with at this point. I am so tired. (Physically). I have Lyme Disease, since 1990. Really since long before that. It was diagnosed in 1990. It and my Bipolar EXHAUST me at times and it is just too much trouble to go back and see who wrote what, then reply to that person and edit that note and for what? It really makes no difference at this point anyway. Nothing makes any difference....

I do want to say, about this person who has been hassling me that there are rules at the Senior Center where I work, and there are rules also on its bus, just like there are rules here on the Forum. This person has broken the rules in both places. Repeatedly. It is my opinion that he is under some kind of ban there at this time, due to his absence for 3 days now. We asked about him today, and it was said that he "is staying away for awhile now, because he believes 'someone' or several 'someones' are trying to get him in trouble." Never mind that HE has broken the rules. He cannot seem to see that. He only sees what's being done to him, just as I only have been seeing what he has been doing to ME.

So I spoke with a mutual friend about it today. I told her that I am praying for peace between the 2 of us, I also told her exactly what he did that upset me and WHY it upset me and she understood. I also told her that I forgive him. She said she would try to resolve the differences between us. We shall see. Maybe things can be worked out! God willing.... I am trying. I don't want things to remain as they are. I am not happy that he could be in trouble. I am not happy that he is not there. I did not mean for that to happen. I only wanted his mistreatment of me to stop.

There are things about him that I admire, and I told her that. I said that he took care of his ailing mother for 15 years before she died. We both agreed that was admirable and hard. I'm sure she will mention that I said something in his favor too.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Sheila, I didn't mean pray for him or anyone. Just stop, ask God to handle it for you, and stop obsessing over it. You have started many threads over this one issue, and you haven't moved forward on it at all. You are saying you are a victim, and can't do anything about it. For every solution offered to you, except the book, Codependent No More, you have found a reason why it wouldn't work. I hope your friend can help you, or your T, but you are obsessing over this and it would be healthier for you if you found a way to stop, instead of trying to get everyone to agree with you. Getting a group of people to side with you is not helping the problem, nor does it make you right and him wrong. It is time to stop trying to get people to agree with you and start making headway on this problem, otherwise there is no sense to post basically the same thing over and over with no resolution.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm going to HIBERNATE my Forum account here for a week at least. Maybe longer. I will be requesting ADMIN to do this for me. This is to protect the Forum as well as myself, until I can get through this MIXED EPISODE of MANIC and DEPRESSIVE combined. This time, it is a PLANNED vacation from the Forum on my part, not anyone else's. Thanks to everyone who have shared their thoughts here with me. I appreciate it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Internalizing things was the ONLY option I had during my childhood, I was not allowed to "talk back" or in any way fight back. So it kind of became a way of life for me and is one that is hard to change just like "that!" (Especially when I am in my mid-60s).

Hard, yes, but not impossible!

What others think of me is truly none of my business.

My therapist wrote that on the back of his business card. It was the first thing he ever wrote on a business card 8 yrs ago and its been on my fridge since.

Look, I have taken critisims from my own family. My own family telling me why they hate me so much and why I am such a horrible person. When it comes to critisims, consider the source then weight the value of that critisim. For example, my boss gives me constructive critisms and I listen very closely, do not internalize it (usually though have at times) and then do my best to apply it. Why? Because I want to do my best at work. I know I am human and can improve at my job, as we all can. And I know my boss has no ill intent. My family however is a different story. Their critisims have no basis in reality and they are saying those things to hurt me. Does it hurt? Totally! Do I need to internalize that and beat myself up for basically everything about myself? Nope! Can I learn to block them out of my mind and focus my efforts in other areas of my life? Yep! It doesn't make it suck less but it does not need to effect me. And I dip down into it from time to time and I come back up and start working on CBT thought records again to help me change how I am thinking about what they are saying. I do not have to care about how people think about me! They have their opinion and they are entitled to it but you do not have to let that effect you or define you.

But, if you do nothing you go no where.

 

[Deleted member 541]

If I could like @DharmaGirl post 2000 times.... I would....

 

[Nessa7]

I think I disagree with some of the feedback here. A big part of therapy is going over the same thing repeatedly until something finally sticks. There isn't anything wrong with not being able to change the way you think within what someone else thinks is an acceptable time frame. It is frustrating for people to feel like their advice isn't being heard, so maybe it would be a good idea to post less new threads. Having everything in one place might be helpful to you, too.

I did come up with a new suggestion, too. Is there any music that makes you feel empowered? I think I remember that you felt self-conscious when you tried to do affirmations. Maybe it would work better if you watched some Beyonce (or whoever) videos on YouTube instead.

 

[Changing4Best]

OK. I have been away for awhile and in the meantime have been working on getting a TRAUMA SPECIALIST for a therapist. I have not had any trauma therapy at all. Ever. I have had CBT. Other than that, which does not from my experience with it, address trauma directly, I have not in any way addressed ANY of my traumas in therapy.

I will be evaluated in the 5th of October, and at that point then we will proceed, according to what is found.

I've never had a chance to address bullying in therapy. Nor my molestations, nor my adult rapes. And since I endured a lot of criticism during the bullying, and a lot of bullying by my abusers, it only would figure that I do not take criticism of any kind at all well. It is too close to the reality of all my trauma. WAY too close.

So, at this point, I am just waiting for everything to start to get handled. It is way overdue.

 

[Changing4Best]

Sheila, I didn't mean pray for him or anyone. Just stop, ask God to handle it for you, and stop obse...

I did take some other advices that were given to me, so your statement here that I didn't is false. I will not comment further....

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I've never had a chance to address bullying in therapy. Nor my molestations, nor my adult rapes. And since I endured a lot of criticism during the bullying, and a lot of bullying by my abusers, it only would figure that I do not take criticism of any kind at all well. It is too close to the reality of all my trauma. WAY too close.

I was bullied badly in school. Rocks thrown at my head and that wasn't even the worst of it. Teachers also joined in. It was horrid. So I get it! And I think it's super great you found the source or the "why" of it as that means you now have something to work on and work towards. That's HUGE! So amazing work!

have been working on getting a TRAUMA SPECIALIST for a therapist. I have not had any trauma therapy at all. Ever. I have had CBT. Other than that, which does not from my experience with it, address trauma directly, I have not in any way addressed ANY of my traumas in therapy.

I will be evaluated in the 5th of October, and at that point then we will proceed, according to what is found.

That's AWESOME! I think that anyone that went through trauma can benefit from a trauma therapist for sure. The differences in therapies are huge and having one therapist that "does it all" has been HUGELY beneficial as I would have never been able to talk to another person and I know this as I had to be evaluated by an independant (different) PDoc/therapist before my pain pump could be implant and the questions of "have you ever been abused?", "have you been through any trauma?", "have you been through child abuse?", and "have you ever been sexually abused?" were all asked seperately. My answers says I'd have a super hard time talking to another therapist about any of it.

Anyway, I am glad this realisation has come to you and that you are on the road of dealing with it. That's all very huge! Good work! :hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, the bully came back to my place of work today. I'm not happy about this obviously, but in one way I am happy about it. No one can any longer blame ME for his absence. He made a joke today, of which *I* was the butt, of course. Other than that, to my knowledge, he "behaved."

I did get news today that there is someone else that agrees with the few of us that object to this person's course humor and off color jokes, and that I am not alone in my dislike of this kind of language. To me, it is akin to sexual harassment. I am glad I am not the only person who feels this way. There are 3 of us now that agree on this that I know of.

So I had a long talk with my interim Mental Health Adviser, someone from the MOBILE CRISIS UNIT who listened to me and basically just confirmed that I am coming in next week for my evaluation for Trauma Therapy. I confirmed that appointment. That was really all we could do, other than he did say he agreed that my situation at work is a pretty lousy one. My therapist who let me go so I could get the Trauma Therapy also said basically the same thing.

Others have said it too. I really am in an awful situation. And it is one that keeps repeating itself in my life over and over, since my earliest childhood. That is like for about 60 years! That is a long time for a person to endure bullying of one kind or another. Too long!!!