I feel like i failed, cannot tolerate dbt

[recoveringfromptsd]

Yes, I get your point. I am glad you found a good fit. I think the issue is not just the trigg...

Maybe you therapist can give you guidance like dbt classes do, but workbook and therapist review. You might reach the same goal just take longer.

 

[Scarlet13]

This is potentially going to sound harsh. Please just disregard if I'm way off.

The reality wi...

Thanks for your encouragement and I always like what you have to say. I did think a lot about the points you brought up. There is some avoidance related to my mental health issues, but there are many reasons that are related to normal 'this just isn't going to work for me" issues. This is why I am posting here just to think through this.
I have already had 3 years of ACT and CBT with my psychiatrist. So, I felt like I already know and use a lot of skills already.
I have been recovering from protracted withdrawal syndrom from klonopin and I was not fully better when I started to do some deeper trauma work at the beg of the summer. This was a bad combo as my sleep is not even full healed. The solution for these biological issues is rest, excercise like yoga, distraction like doing art, and acupunture. I can finally tolerate herbs and am on some chinese herbs for sleep which are helping.
The DBT group just was too much and it was not a "good hard" if that makes any sense. I love DBT just not the group because I don't love hearing about everybody's struggles. I am surprised at myself. I like hearing about other people on this forum.
Really it was just too stressful for me. It added 380 dollars to my therapy bill each month on top of the out of network cost for my reg. T.
I need to explain to my T that I had a skills breakdown and was suicidal last month not for lack of knowledge of DBT but because the trauma work was going too fast and my brain was in a wave of withdrawal. I am doing better with withdrawal. I am 6 mos out from my last klonopin dose. I am very effected by psych meds. I had to take the klonopin due to a nervous system injury from an SSRI I took 4 years ago for just 5 mos. I have been thru a lot. The point I am making is that I use skills. I kept my job, I am a mother to two young children, I am creating art that has won scholarships, but I have struggled with insomnia and anxiety at the hands of psych meds.
I love my t and I always get good sleep after seeing her. She understands everything. But my protracted withdraw issues are not common and they are sneaky. I feel good about my decision to quit DBT at this point. My psychiatrist has emailed me info on DBT video courses which I am going to do. I feel it is important in mental healthcare to know yourself and to do what works. I feel it is ok to quit DBT group because it simply was wrong for me, it was a bad fit. I can use and get the skills in countless other ways. I just have to communicate this to my t better.

 

[Sideways]

That all makes a lot more sense to me. It sounds like dbt isn't enough of a priority to be worth the added distress, and that your recovery is doing pretty well moving in other directions. Which is awesome:)

 

[UnicornSightings]

I didn't read through all the comments but I wanted to say there isn't a right way to heal. And there isn't ever truly a right decision. No choice you make will EVER be perfect and that's such awesome news! I love art as well so I can understand that working for you. DBT bores the loving crap out of me. I hate worksheets and a group of people would irritate me as well at times. Whatever you do it's gonna be ther right choice for you. There's only one path and that's the one you're building with your choices. Never fear a choice because the ones you make are important. You'll learn and regret pretty much anything. Anything good will be short-lived but so will anything bad. And what you take from it will influence your next choice. So do what's working for you, try what interests you and trust that if you start flailing you'll make new decisions. You'll be ok.

 

[Scarlet13]

I didn't read through all the comments but I wanted to say there isn't a right way to heal. An...

Thanks! I needed that! I could not stand the diary card and rating your emotions via worksheet. I love the concept though. I think I am going to do the DBT videos my psychiatrist sent me. They are DBT peer connections. She did them and reccomends them. I am going to do the skills more in a journal and write about my emotional reg that way.
I am nervous to see my t though. I am going to make sure to sound proactive about my healing plan. It feels now like I better not get bad again and I know I will. I got so bad last month cause I remembered more sexual abuse (love when that happens). I want to feel like I CAN get bad again though. That is the beauty of acceptance, telling yourself you CAN suffer and feel pain. I think I have my plan. I will watch the DBT videos and buy a new journal. I also have an ACT book for PTSD that I can read.
I get crazy proactive the more insecure I feel. I was raised by a narcissist who could not stand negative emotions. She would ironically encourage DBT like skills especial in my teen years. She would yell, "You are bringing everybody down with your bad mood. Just go walk or go draw!" So, maybe thats why I dont like DBT group. My mom was a teacher and expected straight A's and I had some ADHD issues and a visual disability. My talent as an artist kept me afloat. So, all what she did was good in a way. I am motivated and a high a acheiver I just feel like a piece of shit. Yep, I hate worksheets, but I LOVE the skills. I am a teacher (art-no worksheets) and I feel I can teach myself and adapt the skills. I tried this last year and made a binder full of skills and notes but when I remember my CSA I totally just crumpled and did not use those skills. Now I am beating myself up for all of this and of course I am afraid of loosing my t. Like she will just be fed up with me. I wish I liked the group and had the money for it. I really can't actually afford it-I dont know what I was thinking.
Now I cant wait to see my t and I am fretting. So, I should use a DBT skill. Hmmmm what skill to use?

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

my DBT therapist does not make us do the diary cards, they are optional.

 

[Cannottakethis]

I've been doing dbt for 4 years and cbt for years before that. Dbt is not meant to be a process group and the only sharing I've experienced is in the homework portion where people use current life examples to utilize the skills we're learning. The other thing I've seen is a lot of people who did not think it would work/didn't like it, and walked out at the end feeling like they got a lot out of it.

Diary cards can be annoying, but if explained correctly can be helpful to you and for your T to go over to see how your week went.

Another thing is that it is a practice that takes time to master, and it doesn't promise the world, it offers a life worth living.

That being said, I don't think it's for everyone. And different groups are run differently. I was in a group that had processing and I left it.

If you go on the Behavioral Tech website, which is the company that certifies therapists to run dbt groups, they can direct you to the right ones in your area.

@Applesunflower13, I was also raised by a narcissist who couldn't stand emotions as well.

The dbt skills you could use to talk to your therapist would be coping ahead and possibly DEAR MAN GIVE

And dbt skills have helped me with flashbacks and intrusive memories and rumination as well as a lot of other things. Am i perfect ? No way. But that's why I keep trying and it keeps sinking in. It's one thing to know the skills, which I have for a while, but I'm actually applying them now, which is a whole other ballgame.

 

[2Beachboxer]

What about getting a DBT workbook and going through it yourself? The only DBT group in my area is a bad...

I agree. I think we are all different people with different traumas and different triggers. Also different stages of our 'Recovery'. I don't think it would be One Technique for Everyone. Over the years I have been at points where I felt Completely recovered then slipped back to an incoherent disassociating woman, sure that all I had learned was gone. Even Now, I have had to go back to basics, as I have a bunch of legal issues on m plate that I can't deal with. I will have to walk away fm a lot of $$. We NEED to trust our gut, and understand that what is right for someone else ma not be for us, today. recovery is NOT linear. We are always exactlyr where we need to be.. I tell myself that daily when I doubt where I am. One foot in front of the other is JUST perfect. xo

 

[Scarlet13]

Yeah, so my plan is to watch DBT Peer Connections and then to see my psychiatrist for therapy. She will help me with skills that are not just DBT. I dont even get meds from her anymore. I also see a trauma specialist. We were doing too much trauma work and I started to fall apart. I am 6 mos out from my klonopin taper and still getting windows and waves. So, she has slowed down. That has helped. I feel frustrated that my getting bad due to the above factors meant that I needed 8 mos of DBT group. I actually do a lot of acceptance and commitment already. There is something in DBT that I find patronizing. Although, it is immensely helpful! Hopefully, I can get all of this sorted out. I am afraid that my T will be annoyed at me because I could not do DBT group

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Dbt teaches distress tolerance

Could not be said better. It seems to me that you may have two issues to deal with, needing and getting DBT, and the problem with being triggered. Maybe addressing the latter one might enable doing dbt.

 

[JustForToday]

I've been in DBT either 4 or 5 times (my memory fails me...) and I've never managed to graduate. Personally, I didn't have any issues with the group therapy, it's actually the only part of DBT I like. It makes me feel good to hear other people's' stories and be able to suggest skills they could try or other non-DBT coping mechanisms that might help them with their struggles. I feel competent, helpful, and not at all like the screwed up, traumatized, crazy girl that I feel like every other moment of the day. My problem is the individual therapy: the way individual DBT therapists approach issues makes me want to scream. Anyway...DBT is not for everyone. Not by a long shot. Are the skills good? Yes. And they definitely help with emotional dysregulation. However, just because the skills are awesome doesn't mean that the format in which they are presented will work for everyone. After my last DBT failure I was talking to my regular therapist (who practices psychodynamic psychotherapy) and I was basically complaining about my inability to graduate from DBT and wondering why I had such a problem with the way DBT is implemented and my therapist told me that it's not just me - she wouldn't be able to stand DBT either, for the exact same reasons. Different people respond to different types of therapy. If DBT (or any type of group therapy) triggers you or just doesn't feel right, don't worry about it. Go find something else that does.

 

[Scarlet13]

I am doing the videos DBT Peer Connections rec by my psychiatrist. These are great so far. I am taking notes and learning the concepts effectively.

I have plans to see my psychiatrist once a month for therapy (mindfulness, CBT. ACT) and use my time with her to integrate skillful living into my life and present day issues. She is pricy (out of network) but I love her. She saved my life when I had post partum insomnia plus bad drug reactions with 3 years already of ACT. I will also see my current trauma therapist once a week and tomorrow I want to talk to her about containment during our work. I love them both. It is pricey but also so was DBT group. I am loving these videos though. It works for me. I am a teacher and am good at learning. She explains things really well. I can take notes. In my DBT group I was told that if I was going to take notes while people were talking (on and on) that I would have to announce to them all that I have ADHD in addition to my PTSD. I was uncomfortable doing that so I tried to keep my note taking to a minimum. This was excruciating. I could not tolerate the ADHD ness without the accommodation of note taking and doodling but I did not want to be offensive. It is ironic because I listen really well when I can take notes. I did not like the group atmosphere for learning to handle my symptoms. It was too much for me. It feels way more effective to do the you tube series and see both of my doctors. This is effective for me. I do not feel as though I am being avoidant. I am using good self care. I am feeling way better and more confident in my decision since starting this thread.