I feel totally helpless

[InsertCoinsHere]

I'm not in a good place right now.

I've had to move back into my parents home after a long period travelling, I'm totally broke, in debt and companies are threatening to send collectors around if I don't pay a large Bill within 2 weeks.. (A shock as I believed my Mother had taken care to tell them I was travelling and could be contacted once I arrived home for discussion to solve their error)

That isn't my main concern, just a highly added stress. I've moved back into the house where I was abused for a lengthy period, I don't trust my parents as they never protected me ever when they found out. And the perpetrator still lives there..

I'm living in total fear.. I don't believe I can even talk to my Mother about my Complex Trauma and it's effects, I don't feel she is strong enough or even worse could neglect me or overreact and make the situation worse.

I was in a good place on the road to recovery before arriving home (The perpetrator was meant to have moved out by the time I arrived yet that as always never manifested). I'm constantly getting triggered, the dissociation is worsening, my mind is crowded with fear..

I just don't know what to do.. Or where to start..

I have the option to move up to my girlfriend's place and live there for a short while but then there's explaining why I'm moving, and in addition she's living with her family so I feel like an intruder. I can move up to my girlfriend's within a week.

I just don't know how to proceed it feels like I'm in a web.

I apologise for the negativity, I've been strong for so long yet I constantly feel I'm falling backwards.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hi @InsertCoinsHere - No need to apologise for being negative. It's a pretty negative situation. But you have to help yourself.

I'd say, pack your bags and go to your girlfriends place. You were doing well and the abuser is still in that house. That is not going to go well for you will it?

I cannot imagine who or why this abuser is still in the house if they were supposed to have moved out. Possibly simply tell your parents that you cannot live in the house whilst this person remains there? I do not think you need to go into lengthy explanations if you do not think they will either cope or understand. Why go there if it's not going to help your situation? That's for you to decide. Try and make that decision but right now your girlfriends house seems like a better option.

At your girlfriend's home you can lessen the 'being intrusive' bit by helping out, doing gardening, cooking or some kind of thing that would help out your girlfriends family. It is only temporary I assume?

In regard to the debts, I don't know what country you are in and I am not qualified to give financial advice so don't take it that way. You say you believe these companies are in error regarding the debts. Give them all a call and see if you do actually owe any money.

If you do owe the money my best suggestion is to contact all the companies. Find out the total amount you owe. Tell each of the companies that you want to create a payment plan...where you will pay a affordable amount weekly, fortnightly or monthly (depending on your income) - directly to each of them. Get an invoice number, their electronic bank payment details and a Reference number from each. Set up your bank account so the correct amount of money goes into a sub-account and instruct the Bank to directly transfer the correct amount of money to each of them electronically on the date you and the companies have agreed to start the payments. This does several things.

- It shows a willingness on your behalf to pay the debts (assuming you believe you do owe these debts).

- It creates a money trail, in case anyone comes knocking at your door.

- It depends how far down the debt collection process they have gone. But they will probably be more happy with a steady stream of money than wasting time and more money trying to flog off second-hand belongings. Depending on what they are of course.

- By putting that amount of money into the sub-account for the only purpose of paying off the debts...you cannot spend it accidentally.

- You get control over your own finances again and can slowly and affordably return to being debt free!

- As each debt is paid (and you will have to keep an eye on your bank account) Stop the payment by advising your bank to do so. Get a final receipt from that company that the debt is paid.

- If you have to go to Court and you have done this you may avoid having a Court Order made against you (assuming it has not already been made) - Check that out. If it has, still try and negotiate with the company to do the payment plan. A Court may be willing to listen if you have banking details that show you have been making payments regularly.

- If the companies agree to this course of payment. Ask them to stop legal action and get that in writing.

If you don't owe the money. You may have to get some legal advice. Do this promptly. Don't stuff about - companies and courts do not like excuses when it comes to money.

This a horrible situation to come home to. It must be upsetting but you have said you were recovering well whilst away. Time to take control and not be anywhere near your abuser and keep control of your own money.

I hope this helps a little. Take a breath and make a plan.

 

[ChanandlerBong]

All you can do is try your best. Due to my mental health and side effects from ECT, I’m unable to work. I live with my dad and I feel very stagnant. Recently my therapist has had me start a schedule and there’s a lot of time for self care put into it. Just know there is no shame in needing to take care of yourself and distract yourself in those tough moments

 

[Angelwings]

I'm not in a good place right now.

I've had to move back into my parents home after a long pe...

I have been in your situation. I had to move back in with my perpetrator at one point in my life as well. I would say that feeling like an intruder is much better than worsening PTSD and feeling like you're back in the abusive situation. Just my opinion.