I Go In Cars And I Freak Out!!

[Samantha Francis]

Hey all.
My names sam, I'm 21, and I live in Australia.
When I was 16 My partner and I were driving to get his cheque from work cashed. It was perfect conditions, and we weren't speeding. But his focus was fixed on something else, and when I realized we were getting to close to another car I yelled his name, and he snapped back to attention. But by then it was to late.

He pulled the wheel to the right, and he lost control. The car rolled a few times up a bank across the highway through incoming traffic, and finally came to rest on its wheels on the other side.
I looked up and realized I was OK, but I turned to look at him, and then everything started racing.

The amount of blood everywhere was enough to make me want to run for my life. I kicked and screamed and tore at the door, I broke all my toes trying to get out. I finally got the door open and I was out of that car as quick as a flash. I fell just outside the car, and someone picked me up and shifted me off away from the car. The sound of the engine revving because it was stuck in high gear scared me and I thought the car was going to explode. But someone reached in and turned the car off.

Before I knew it the fire brigade, police and ambulance officers had turned up.

Someone handed me a puppy, and I remembered I had him on my lap as we were driving. He'd been thrown from the car when it rolled and he was OK. Someone else handed me 2 mobile phones. mine and my partners.

I watched in horror as they used the jaws of life to get his door off. Then I watched as they put him onto the gurney and pushed him to the ambulance, by then police and Ambulance officers were trying to get me to the ambulance. I was trying to get to him.

Later in hospital, They told me he died the moment the car rolled. I was 5 months pregnant, and I'd lost my him.

My grandfather was the first to be by my side. Followed by my mum and step-dad.

I recovered fine, and they told me I had signs of P.T.S.D and they referred me to a doctor that dealt with that. but I didnt want to go. I ignored all the warnings, and all the symptoms.

But today, 4 years on, I get in a car and I lose control. I'm worried it'll happen again. But this time, its not just me I have to worry about. I have a 3yr old daughter and a 1yr old daughter.
And I cant afford to be like this.

I know now I need to get help. But what I'm asking is will it ever go away?

Please help me...

<Please write in full paragraphs, not poetry style. Thanks Amethist>

 

[Bumble-Bee18]

I couldn't believe someone wrote a thread about exactly what I struggle with! And someone close to my age (I'm 18).
I was involved in a car accident last november where I was sat in the back and not wearing a seat belt (please don't lecture me I definitely paid for it later) the conditions were fine, and the driver wasn't speeding. Anyway he didn't know the road and there was a sharp turning onto a bridge and he didn't see it coming and hit the wall of it, nearly breaking through and going into the sea. I was knocked unconscious and was kept in hospital with concussion and let's just say my face from hitting the seat infront was a mess. I hadto be cared for for the month after as the brain damage meant I couldn't function properly, I've made a full recovery physically but every time someone turns sharply or brakes I just shake uncontrollably and ball my eyes out and insist on getting out of the car. I've only been suffering less than a year and even I know it gets better. I know your accident was much worse than mine but I do really understand! I suppose its about not letting your fear sort of control you and keep you out of cars, I make sure to get in them and remind myself that I have had my bad luck it won't try and get me and people are not aiming for me, keep me updated on your progress! :) x

 

[Samantha Francis]

HEY thanks for the reply!! I was getting better, I could go in cars and not have a worry in the world, but the last month or two has been crazy. I think that maybe the fact that I live in a very rural area and if we were to crash no one would find us for quite some time probably attributes to me being so freaked out.

I'm not usually like this, I was getting on just fine, but everything has just started spiralling out of control!!

I am going to go see a doctor and see if they can do anything, hopefully with some luck I'll get better, but chances are I could be like this forever, so some websites reckon lol

But I'm trying. definitely.

 

[Bumble-Bee18]

I know what you mean, I've been through the same its like a relapse isn't it? Like all your hard work you put in to get over it never happened and you no longer have control over your symptoms. It is a control issue isn't it! I gave in and am now on sertraline (anti depressants) and another thing called beta blockers to stop head aches, shakes tears etc x

 

[KP the nut]

(((Samantha))), Welcome to the forum.

Mine was also a car crash. In mine no-one died, I was the only person in the car, a truck crossed to my side of the road and well I woke up with a truck resting on my right side and head with the windscreen an inch from my face.

I broke my neck, damaged teeth, had cuts and bruises etc. I concentrated on the physical. 3 months later I was back driving, unfortunately I had 2 incidents, one when I was parked and the car parking next to me misjudged the distance and hit my car - instand flashback and my language wasn't ladylike :eek:, the second I came around a blind corner to find a car on my side of the road trying to overtake, I missed him by going onto the verge. After that, PTSD symptoms relly began.

I was lucky to be sent to an NHS therapist who specialised in trauma therapy and I began EMDR therapy with him. It has been tough but the point to my rambling is that yesterday I was discharged from his care. I am in control of my symptoms. He taught me techniques and worked through the trauma with me. Yes, I still get triggered, emergency vehicles with sirens and lights, truck too close but I can overcome them.

IMHO, I would go back to your doctor and ask to re rereferred to a counsellor. It is possible to work alone but it is so much better with help. I feel my T has given me back my life.

The forum has also been invaluable for information, friendship and support.

I am so pleased you found us. Feel free to PM me if you want or I am often in chat.

Take care
KP

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Samantha. I'm truly happy that you have found us and already some great members with similar incidences have found you. This will bring you a great deal of support and strenght through your road to empowerment. Also take some time to read the wiki articles which talk about and explain PTSD.

 

[Samantha Francis]

The problem is KP and Bumble-Bee18, I havent had counselling for it, yet. I am trying to get some now, and maybe put on medication. I was on fluoxetine before the accident for my behaviour and my social issues but im not on them now.

 

[Samantha Francis]

Didn't know we were controlled in the way we write. I don't think I wanna come on here anymore if they are going to mess with my writing. All I'm trying to do is vent and speak to people and I get told to write like this not like that. Sorry but I'm not going to be back again.

 

[Bumble-Bee18]

Did it not let you write what you wanted? X

 

[Samantha Francis]

No the stupid moderator changed it all!!!! I thought I could open up n be honest!!! But no they had to ruin it!!!

 

[Arctic]

Hey, welcome :)

Here for a car accident too, I waited 6 months post accident hoping it would go away on it's own. It didn't, but there are awesome experts out there who help lots of people who have been in accidents regain life control. Not sure about Australia, but the car insurance company may pay for it cause it's accident related.

Take care of YOU. and welcome here

-Arctic

 

[Samantha Francis]

Thank you arctic. I am not eligible for any payments or anything from the accident insurance board because I had no PHYSICAL injuries. but I will ring them and see what they have to say about PTSD diagnosis. Thanks :)