I Guess I Am Just Checking In

[scout86]

Rats! I just started typing and your message showed up, I was hoping things would work out. :(

Thanks for the link! I had no idea there were so many rules!

Being "needy" isn't a crime, you know. People need stuff. Some days your give to others, some days you get your needs met...... Ok, I have trouble with that too. The thing is, you DO contribute! It's not like you're just a leech on society (even if it feels that way to you). You DO contribute, and the better you get, as you move through the healing process, the more you will be able to contribute to the world. I suspect that's something your T sees in you and it's part of the reason he wants to keep working with you.

I don't know.... Maybe I'm wrong? But, you come across to me as being valuable. You're smart and determined and I'm glad we crossed paths. "Needy" in your case, is mostly temporary. Think of it as a phase?

I hope he can get the construction work rescheduled at least SOME!

Hang in there!

 

[desiderata310]

We emailed this morning mainly because I was having a panic attack but didn't have enough wits to realize that's what was going on.

He's still holding out hope that we can work something out so we can meet but said that they HAVE to be done by Monday because people are due to move in to the other office next door then. To me that translates into: they aren't going to be willing to start an hour late and they will be working late again (like they did yesterday) I had suggested that we meet at MY office a couple of days back and he finally liked that idea but I had to tell him that this is not a possibility the rest of the week (or actually for the next several weeks) because of meetings that are taking place.

I was also in panic because of the work stuff going on. I was ready to quit and just move back. I've cancelled my appointment with legal. I couldn't do it today. I am utterly terrified. I spent three hours trying to calm down and finally broke down and took some medication so I could get out the door. Nothing like waking up for the 4th time this week INTO a panic attack. It kind of sets a shitty tone for the day. I have so much paperwork to do and no idea how to concentrate long enough to get started on it.

Damn I'm tired.

 

[scout86]

I just want you to know, they were doing something (something loud) in the hallway outside my T's office today. You were my first thought, after I sat back down in the chair. As in "How does she do it????" There's a fire station, a police station, and a railroad track all with in a block of his office. That's kind of distracting. Saws and hammers in the hallway? That's a whole other level!

I hope you got through the day alright and that you're out the other side of all this chaos soon!

 

[desiderata310]

@scout86 I'm ok. Sort of. I am wearing a heart monitor as they are checking for afib. MY guess is that my symptoms are all PTSD based. pbbbt.. It all strikes me as slightly amusing since I am a long distance runner and in pretty good health all things considered. (resting heart rate of 50) But regardless, they got a chance to see whatever is going on spelled out for them since I had an "episode" as soon as I got the thing on. Felt like my heart was going to beat through my chest all afternoon and lightheaded and dizzy. MEH.

I just got a text from my therapist saying we were on for tomorrow morning!!! WOOHOO!
"really?!"
"Yup. They'll be there but no thumping, sawing, etc."
"Best news I've had all week"

Truly. Best news all week. I've been completely stressed about the work stuff. Honestly, I'm exhausted tonight but hanging out at the coffee shop at the farmer's market while my daughter spends one last evening with friends before she heads back to live with her dad.
Hell, I may even sleep tonight.

 

[scout86]

I really hope you sleep tonight!

I had an ex bf who had an extensive cardiac work up done, and was eventually diagnosed with anxiety. It's amazing how much a panic attack can look like a heart attack! Only slightly less scary once you know what it is.

My T is also moving to a different office. He's not sure when. Lots of weird stuff going on with that. He told me some time ago that "we'll have to find another place to meet. Last week he said he'd found an office, "somewhere down that way" and waved his hand in a southernly direction. He mentioned it again today, as I was leaving, I said, "Well, you're not planning one of those deals where the family moves while the kid is at school and they don't tell them are you?" He paused a second, laughed, and assured me that he's not going to do that. But, I kind of like to drive by & see the place too.....

I hope your evening goes smoothly and tomorrow is good!

 

[desiderata310]

Thanks. I hope you get a chance to scope it out. I don't know about you but it make ALL the difference in the world being able to see it, drive by it (as I've done multiple times this week) and know what happens around that building.

If my therapist were to simply up and move.. ugh... That was actually one of my greatest fears as a child because my family was constantly moving. I don't think I could deal with that.