I have a totally different experience with this.
Have had negative connotations with Mother's Day since 1983, my dad got diagnosed I think on thursday (or friday?) night, died saturday, Mother's Day was Sunday, and my parents were terribly in love and close.
In retrospect-I must have done it in advance, because didn't do it saturday, I had no one (I was 14) to ask, and only support was 10,000 miles away (literally), recall having stolen Mother's Day gifts (normally I wouldn't have stolen anything), got a card for my dad to sign (had been their anniversary as well).
As it turned out, returned $ for what I stole (anonymously), almost unfortunately recall my mom loved a particular gift that was horrible to me because it played the same music I was learning to play on the piano when they came to tell us my dad had died, (I had just checked on him 10 minutes before), and I remember a terrible burden of not knowing if it would be sad (bad) or good (my mom would be happy) to have the card, ended up throwing it out and never telling anyone because the 'signing' was so bad/ weak/ uncharacteristic. I thought it'd be nothing but a bad memory.
Never was sure if that was the right thing to do. :(
I was very fortunate because my mom was very wise, sweet, gentle, non-judgmental, positive, level. We became very close later, but she died in my 20's, and oddly enough missed both my parents more then.
Now, a great proportion of my work involves taking care of other people's parents, but many are abusive, negative, very challenging. Though I realize I am 'old', it very occassionally crosses my mind, I wonder if they ever think I was once someone's daughter, too. I once had to tell a family member- "I DO understand, I had a mother too." :(
To some degree I envy how they assume they will be there for evermore. Or even the 'opportunities' to be able to have any interaction- even an argument, for that matter.
But, I am also not a Mother. So I value others who are, I grieve for those who have had none or deleterious ones, relationships, abuse. :cry:
But, it is also looked upon as one's 'value', perhaps to leave a legacy, and oftentimes people think going from their feedback if you are not a mom you are selfish, self-centered, unable to understand what it means to put someone's life first before your own.
Sort of a 'waste of space'.
(But) my genetics, that alone was too great a likelihood of leaving a child potentially at risk of having no guardian, plus I know how all of that feels. Plus, the ptsd, SI (if it occurred), I had reservations.
It's not a day that I fit into to, I don't have a mom and I'm not one.
Oh ya, plus I had a meltdown (nothing to do with Mother's Day- it was after a date, oddly enough recall feeling unexpectedly 'happy' before it) on Mother's Day 2008- how I ended up 'here'.
