Sexual Assault I Know I Have Trauma--but I Don't Know If It's My Fault

[Friday]

From someone

- Whose PTSD IS their fault, as much as it can be anyone's
...So I really don't have a victim bias/am comfortable with my own part I played. That it was my fault that I have PTSD doesn't change that I still have PTSD.

- Who has nothing against prostitution or any other form of sex work as a job / chosen way to earn a living (in fact I still have a few friends in the business)
...So there's no shame/stigma in my head around sex-work or anyone who has chosen to work in that field.

Nope. This wasn't your fault. You were a child, and you were forced & exploited

Forced prostitution & trafficking is as different from voluntary sex work ; as slavery & indentured servitude is from voluntary employment.

It doesn't mean you had to always be miserable. Slaves & Prisoners can laugh, and smile, and have good days, and make friends, and be proud of things or of themselves, and make plans, and love, and everything... Just like free people can.

 

[joeylittle]

Just last week she said I put myself in a traumatic situation, and ever since, I've been feeling so guilty and dirty and suicidal and intrusive thoughts have been creeping in.

Can you tell her this? I agree with others on the thread, you were prostituted - that does not make you a sex worker. It was not voluntary.

According to the UN protocol (which the US has signed onto, with some very bizarre adjustments that don't affect what you are talking about) - you were trafficked. http://www.osce.org/odihr/19223?download=true (this link is to a pre-ratified copy of the treaty, but all the relevant language is the same)

From the definition of terms:

(a) “Trafficking in persons” shall mean the recruitment, transportation, transfer, harbouring or receipt of persons, by means of the threat or use of force or other forms of coercion, of abduction, of fraud, of deception, of the abuse of power or of a position of vulnerability or of the giving or receiving of payments or benefits to achieve the consent of a person having control over another person, for the purpose of exploitation.

Exploitation shall include, at a minimum, the exploitation of the prostitution of others or other forms of sexual exploitation, forced labour or services, slavery or practices similar to slavery, servitude or the removal of organs

The consent of a victim of trafficking in persons to the intended exploitation set forth in subparagraph (a) of this article shall be irrelevant where any of the means set forth in subparagraph (a) have been used

The recruitment, transportation, transfer, harbouring or receipt of a child for the purpose of exploitation shall be considered “trafficking in persons” even if this does not involve any of the means set forth in subparagraph (a) of this article

“Child” shall mean any person under eighteen years of age.

You were recruited by means of the threat and use of force. It doesn't matter whether or not you agreed to do it. And, since you were under the age of eighteen, it would be considered trafficking even if you were NOT recruited by means of threat and use of force.

In other words, even if someone said that they wanted you to please go have sex with strangers for money, and give them the money, or even part of the money - but there were no threats, and nothing bad would happen if you didn't come back with something - because you were under the age of 18, it is still considered trafficking.

That's the UN, not your state law. But I think we are talking about overarching use of terms, as opposed to how this would or would not be prosecuted in your state. The protocol I'm quoting from, above, was ratified in 2003.

I'm mad at your therapist. But on the very slight off-chance that you misheard or misunderstood the context they were speaking in, I would strongly suggest you bring it up, talk about how it's made you feel, and tell them what the definition of trafficking in persons is.

 

[Casey_03]

I am concerned that if your therapist describes you as a "former prostitute" and not a victim, she may be handling your treatment all wrong. It's hard to say from this thread, but if she sees it that way, it seems like she must not be confronting the real issues of the trauma here - that you were manipulated by a predator as a child. That's an incredibly serious trauma, even apart from the actual sex acts that followed, and it needs to be treated separately, I think. If she isn't doing that, you need a new therapist. I think it is possible that maybe she just phrased it wrong and didn't mean to imply you weren't the victim, but it's also possible she's just not a very competent therapist. I don't think it's worth the risk of being re-traumatized by an ignorant therapist who doesn't understand the difference between being preyed on as a child and willingly choosing to be a prostitute as an adult. You need to bring this up with her, and maybe (probably) find a new therapist with more experience in this area.

 

[bug]

I am concerned that if your therapist describes you as a "former prostitute" and not a victim, she may...

Thank you. She does have experience working with sex workers (because she has her LCSW), but I think she calls me that becausewhen I first disclosed this to her, I called myself a prostitute, because I didn't want to label myself as a victim. This was almost two years ago, but it clearly still affects my getting help for this particular trauma. I will definitely bring it up with her. Thank you so so much.

 

[bug]

Can you tell her this? I agree with others on the thread, you were prostituted - that does not make...

This is so helpful. I'm having a really hard time attributing this to my own situation, partly because I think I didn't know at the time how exploitative it was. Thank you for responding so thoughtfully, and for reaffirming
my trauma (does that make sense? It helps when someone else validates what I went through).

 

[bug]

From someone

- Whose PTSD IS their fault, as much as it can be anyone's
...So I really don't have a...

Thank you. I am so grateful for all of this. It's hard to say I was trafficked, but it helps knowing that I didn't have to be miserable all the time. My experience is so different from what is shown on tv, but I know that doesn't mean it was okay. Thank you.

 

[bug]

There is a reason that statutory rape is a crime, the court of law does not consider a 14-year-old, men...

I'm trying to be more gentle with myself, and to believe I am/was innocent. You are so kind, thank you.

 

[Thematrix]

It is so not your fault. I to am concerned about your therapists wording. Have you spoken to a sexual assault counsellor? A properly trained sexual assault counsellor or therapist should/would be able to validate your experience in an appropriate way and manner. No way should you be made to feel this is your fault. What your are describe is abuse, exploitation, violence. I do not want you to be retraumatized by a not so good therapist. First hand experience-they can do a lot of damage. This is not your fault.

 

[shimmerz]

refers to me as a "former prostitute",

I haven't read any of the responses. Please forgive if this has already been stated.

Prostitute, to me, puts across a sense of consent. A prostitute gains money etc, from their choice. You, clearly, did not. At 14 you have little to no power in your choices. It may have been put across as if you WERE choosing .... but the reality of the situation would be that you did not. Choices were being made for you.

Your T should have used better phrasing.

No, you are not now a victim but you were definitely victimized. Victimized means you had no choices, or were manipulated into things that were put across as 'less bad' choices. Prostitute means you could have chosen, which you couldn't. So, yes, you were victimized. That doesn't mean that the phrase prostitute is empowering. I would say that it would mix up your sense of ownership in the ordeal. I would say you were more along the lines of a 'child sex slave'. I would fire your T. It sounds like he has no business counseling someone who was trafficked for sex. I have a few other things I would like to say about him, but I won't.

 

[bug]

It is so not your fault. I to am concerned about your therapists wording. Have you spoken to a sexual...

I think I should rephrase--she said I allowed myself to be put in a situation where I would be abused/traumatized by him, by getting in his car the first day. But you're right--it was probably more damaging of her to say that than helpful in any way.

I haven't read any of the responses. Please forgive if this has already been stated.

Prostitute, to...

Thank you for this. She has worked with sex workers in the past, but I'm not sure if she's ever worked with slaves. I will ask. I think it's also partly the way I expressed my experience to her. Initially, I was proud of having been in the situation, I didn't register it as a trauma. I felt wanted and useful. But I suppose she should have told me immediately that my perception of what happened was distorted.

Thank you for being so honest and caring. I really appreciate it, and I'm trying to hold on to everything you're saying and believe it's true.

 

[shimmerz]

She has worked with sex workers in the past, but I'm not sure if she's ever worked with slaves.

Yes and this is a very large distortion of her own that I think she is putting across to you. A sex slave is definitely not in the same situation as a prostitute.

And perhaps you shouldn't have gotten into the car with him. So what? I don't like the way the onus is being put on you here. If you were 25 and got into a guys car, that is quite a bit different than a 14 year old.... but even then, the responsibility taken should NOT be even close to what should be taken by the perps.

I have had 14 year old children in my charge(my own and my step children). There is a limited capacity of responsible behaviour for children.... and for some reason your T doesn't seem to be grasping that, given his language.

 

[RussH]

Your boyfriend is/ was a sleazy good for nothing pimp. I will not say what I would like to do to him, but I will say it is not your fault.
You are a victim.