Dom Violence I Left

[Deleted member 29920]

Now I see no future for myself

I just feel doomed, my ex is likely to attack/try to kill me

I told the police but as there's no evidence, I'm just left to be watching my back all the time when I'm outdoors

 

[Lionheart]

@C j there are steps you can take to protect yourself...if it were me, I think I would call a woman's shelter and ask for advise...keep a cell phone with you if you have one and perhaps keep some pepper spray near or a stun gun...I don't know what else to suggest that you do..... Still, I want to try and empower you to take control of the situation as best as possible.

I hope others will have some good suggestions for you as well....such as being extra careful of being alone in parking garages and don't put your hair in a pony tail or any style that can be easily grabbed.... I was just watching a rape prevention video and it gave some good suggestions. I will see if I can find it for you.... I hope he is not fool enuff to try attacking you!!!

I wish you all the best,
Always your friend,
Lion

PS: I can't find the video but if you go to YouTube and type in "safety tips for women" there are many videos designed to help women in vulnerable situations... My thoughts and prayers are with you!!

OK I found the video but don't know if I can share it but will give it a go....

https://www.facebook.com/ShareablyNow/videos/1799027063659710/?pnref=story

hope this helps you

 

[Kintsugi]

I suggest enlisting any allies who might be available to you. As someone who was stalked (multiple times), it is really difficult/feels shameful/awkward to reach out to those around you, but it is so powerful to have people who will accompany you, check up on you, and otherwise check in to see if you're feeling safe. The last time I was stalked, perfect strangers aware of my situation (who eventually became my friends) approached me to see how they could make me feel more safe. It meant the world, even though it felt very awkward and somewhat embarrassing at the time.

I agree with Lionheart that you should reach out to organizations that can help connect you with resources and advise you on how to stay and feel safe.

My heart goes out to you. I know all too well what it feels like to legitimately think someone will try to hurt or kill you.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Thanks @Lionheart777 and @Simply Simon for your good advice as always :)


I was being emotionally, physically and financially abused for over a decade

I feel so Incredibly lost

I didn't realise it would be so difficult after leaving, I know it's all new but it is so damn hard and I'm struggling now to see how I'll move past all of this

I went to a doctor but he didn't seem to 'get it' or perhaps I didn't explain properly

I know I'll have to go back to therapy but I'm not ready yet. I hid the domestic violence from previous therapists. I feel so ashamed.

My ex threatened all sorts of things - about other people, threatening to murder them, throw acid at their faces, all sorts of violent scenarios. And of course now I worry those things will be done to me. It's one reason I stayed so long -fear of these things being done to me, if I ever left.

 

[Kintsugi]

apparently I'm not allowed to dump them because they're not mine - even though they're in my home?!

That's a straight up power play. I don't know what the laws are in the U.K., but even if he qualified for squatters' rights here in the US, you could mail a 30 day notice and then rid yourself of anything immediately after that period with no problems. Don't let him dictate the terms of your life. That stuff makes my blood boil.

I hid abuse in therapy, too. It's really hard to break that silence. (((CJ)))

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I'll have to find out how it works here, hopefully I won't have to keep waiting and wondering what to do.

Yes, very much hidden, I told one - once - and never went back to her out of fear she would contact social services and the police.

And of course, therapy was never going to work (for previous traumas) because I was hiding this awful secret.

I was young when I entered the relationship, very gullible, and my ex was over a decade older than me. It's only now that I can look back and see times when I should have left, so many little red flags. And it's recently become clear that this has probably been done to previous people ex knew, associated with, had relationships with. Using people for money, ALL about money. And control.

 

[Casey_03]

Is there anywhere you can go stay for a while so he can't find you? If I understood you correctly, you're still at home and I'm assuming he knows where that is. Even if he's not an immediate danger (though it sounds like he is), it might help clear your head if you can go away for a little while.

My guess is that he won't react right away. He'll probably pretend to be nice for a bit to get you back, and then the more you stand your ground, the more he'll escalate.

I second everyone else's advice here to reach out to some domestic violence groups and get advice. You need to be prepared for worst-case scenarios.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[joeylittle]

@C j - I'm really proud to know you. You've just done what has probably stood as one of the most impossible things in your life - in the life of anyone who lives under the horror of domestic violence. Takes a ton of courage. I know you said you feel not-so-brave right now, but try and remember that you have gotten free of the physical entrapment. Getting free of the emotional entrapment takes time, but it does happen. Stay strong.

You aren't under her thumb anymore.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

It is so hard to navigate this stuff. Know it. Trusting myself to know to believe in myself - do that. Sort the shit out later. Please take care of you.

I packed up all the stuff and had it delivered to a friend of his. Good as she is a lawyer and I made a copy of all I was having delivered. Proof of delivery.

Change locks and all joint everything. NOW.

Let them know you are recording everything.

Wish I could stand with you, I do in full spirit.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Now I see no future for myself

I just feel doomed, my ex is likely to attack/try to kill me

I told the po...

You will have to be vigilant, many exes will turn into stalkers. You are aware of it so you are a step ahead of the game. Do not trust others readily because a vicious ex may attempt to befriend people around you.

You would be in awe if you knew how far a jealous ex will go to make "their" victim fear for their life. I am amazed how vicious and ugly that can get.

 

[Anarchy]

CJ,
Well done for facing what has been happening, and for getting out.
I had a feeling that it was you posting in the diary as anon :hug:

Sorry that you have been subjected to this

Ok, i haven't a clue htf it works
I do know that some of my friends have ended up looking down the wrong ends of British cops' submachine guns in the wee small hours, this year. The torches on the SMGs shining in their faces. T hey asked if they could put some pants on and were told if they moved their hands, they'd be shot.

That arose from a woman complaining to the cops. I don't know what the Truth might be, but she'd mentioned firearm and being threatened. My friends were completely unrelated to her and her partner. I don't think they've ever met. Woman's partner was arrested the next day, miles away, and released after a few hours- if he'd had a gun, he'd have been kept inside for about five years. Judge for yourself

Some people were definitely threatened with being shot - but hey, that's all ok, because - privilege.

So, yes, cops do sometimes take notice, though whether they're interested in the safety of people, or simply in going after an artifact that might be used against the establishment...:whistling:

I think that women's / domestic violence refuge is going to be the place and people who know their way around this, they'll likely have contacts who can help if you need to get court orders, asbos etc.

If it's any relief, if your ex hasn't come to the cops attention at age forty something, she's probably not going to risk it now. Even if she has lost her victim.

Sending you:hug:

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

My thoughts and heart are with you.