OCD I need help with obsessiveness

[Roj]

Hi,

I have been in therapy for quite a while with PTSD, about 3 years talking about my issues. I have other problems that seem to be obsessing over certain things. I tend to avoid certain interactions or things from occurring because doing so tends to trigger me to start having panic like/obsessive feelings.

Mainly this has revolved around avoiding confrontations with people because then I feel afraid afterwards and obsess about what that person may do to me, or just the discomfort of dealing with that person feels too intense.

One symptom is that I obsess about is contact with germs or fear of contracting illnesses. For long stretches of times it doesn't bother me but once in a while something happens, like lately. I was at the gym and decided to use the shower there but I forgot to wear sandals and i started panicking about foot fungus. I couldn't stop thinking about it afterward.
I would go home and obsess about cleaning my feet and putting cream to treat it, etc, but I would still be thinking about it and it would just send me on this downward spiral of fear. This really seems to have triggered some kind of fear that I can't stop thinking about and created this huge anxiety trip and couldn't even sleep right because of it.

I'm really sad and hopeless right now because I felt I was doing so well the last few weeks, I really really was improving. Then something always occurs that causes me to fall to pieces

I have had a similar problem about other types of illness but haven't had a problem with that in a while.

It just seems I would obsess/worry about random stuff that never bothered me before and I start worrying about it excessively (such as giving out my telephone number for an insurance quote, meeting somebody at a certain time, touching certain surfaces, etc) . Then down the road that stimulus would not bother me again. I sometimes have a ritual-like way to checking things with varying degree of intensity.

It seems the main events that I know cause me freak out are dealing with certain types of people, of dealing with certain amounts of confrontation, having to be somewhere for appointments. I generally do avoid confrontations, or avoid certain miniscule things that would keep my mind going and going and keep me awake at night. It seems to have become more intense frequently.

I have also had more flashbacks recently and been remembering trauma stuff more intensely. I wonder if this is part of it or not. As I said Im pretty disappointed and depressed right now about my progress. My patience has worn very thin in dealing with my fears/anxiety/ptsd and I am losing the strength to deal with this. I have made some real strides in my progress and then I always fall backward and feel stuck there like I am now. I think before I continued out of sheer willpower and stubbornness but now it just feels that doesn't work anymore. I felt I could contain my negative feelings, anxiety, trauma,etc better months ago but now that doesn't work for me anymore.

I don't know if what im writing is clear or makes sense. Im just trying to figure out if this is just part of the PTSD or more like obsessive-compulsiveness

I appreciate any help.

 

[James B.]

My obsessive thinking seemed to be connected with untreated/runaway high level anxiety, day in, day out. Needless to say, I would have rather obsessed about *anything* other than my trauma.

One more thought, if I don't get out of my house, do things go places and get some excersise, my world seems to get smaller and smaller and I'll start to obsess about ever more minute stuff.

I may have had more tendency to OCD type stuff (bulimia?) when I was feeling emotionally/physically and mentally "locked up" - living with my abusers. Terrible frustrations, and many repressed normal healthy needs in my life back then.

Don't know if this helps at all Roj, saw your post, did some web searches, thought about it, so, just sharing what little I got.

So sorry you're feeling sad and hopless Roj, good luck!

 

[James B.]

One more thing Roj, one of my web searches revaled a site that said the did PET (brain) scans on people with OCD. Said they found differences with neurostransmitter stuff, Serotonin. FYI

Take care Roj. :-)

 

[James B.]

One more on this - my web search 'managing an anxiety disorder' brought up
WebMD.com Anxiety Disorders, Types, Causes, Symtoms.

This source clearly lists an OCD as a(n) (manifestation of) anxiety disorder.

Seemed like it to me, too. It lists PTSD but doesn't give it its hierarchy position as an all encompasing anxiety disorder, however. Basically, it seems like with OCD (type stuff) it is right back to the basics of managing the granddaddy of anxiety disorders: PTSD.

The source on bulimia/OCD felt that when one obsessive/compulsive trait ended, it manifested in other ways, probably true in my case - I became pretty obsessed and compulsive about training (fitness) etc.

You might find that web site mentioned above informative, goes a lot into various OCD related stuff.

Best wishes Roj.
Take care,
James B.

 

[GodSeeker]

Our Minds Is Conceived To Think

Hello Roj,

Sorry your are having such hard time...

I'd like to share with you my experience with intrusive thoughts. They are thoughts that assault you when you expect it the least and you can't do anything about it. They interfere with your daily life and render it like a hell.

Recently I came accross some articles about thought repression and its relation with intrusive thoughts. It was a revelation for me (intrusive thoughts include whatever idea comes into your head wether you want it or not: obsessions, idees fixe, distorted thinking,...) Well it is said that the reason why we have intrusive thoughts and obssessions, is BECAUSE these very thoughts had been repressed some time before.

In my case this was true, during years. The ideas that came again and again and again into my mind were not fully thought, they were not considered, they didn’t settle in my mind. I rather instantly repress them, avoid them the first time they stick their stinky head. Did you notice that the stronger you try to NOT to do something the stronger the compulsion to do the same thing.

Then I strated thinking. This phenomenon is everywhere! Tell a kid to not to get too close to the animals in the zoo. What do they do? Just that. Tell him to not run in the street. What happens? Now try to not to think of a pink elephant. What just happened?

I saw that in my life, the more I avoided thinking about something (for whatever reason) the more I was driven to think about it compulsively. Again I resist with all my force so that, that thought doesn’t enter my mind. This happens over and over.

I didn’t know I was reinforcing and worsening the obssessions I wanted to get rid of by the simple fact of resisting to them.

I did a lot of connections...the mind is conceived to think. We cannot do otherwise. That’s its purpose. To think. And not thinking of something is still thinking about it. So this was something I came accross and was a key to understand a lot of things. The mind functions like a stream, it never stops but if you impede its free movement (repressing thoughts), more water accumulates in that spot that causes a stronger current until the obstruction is removed (you start to think freely and not have anymore obssessions). The mind will try and try until it gets you to think of these things you did not want to think of. The mind never tires, it doesn’t get old, doesn’t get weak.

When I saw that, I tried to not to avoid these thoughts whenever they come. This was very dicey. I didn’t know what would happen next. At first it was difficult. It was like crossing a bridge (It was the first time I was doing that) After these years of avoiding and now I am giving them a room in my mind. What do you think happened after that? Anyone would expect a worsening of the intrusive thoughts. But what happened is the contrary, when I let these thoughts and gave them room, when I thought of them so long from all angles, I start to loose interest in them, they start to become common thoughts like “what was my breakfast today”. They don’t bother me anymore. You see, when your mind finds something mysterious, feared, unknown, it wants tirelessly to know it. But then when it knows it, it deosn’t want it anymore.

What I do now is inviting my thoughts. I foce them to come in to mind. I think of some issue and start thinking about it and try to keep it as long as possible and bring it back to my mind if I loose it. And this is exactly what starts to happen. They don’t come when you want them to come.

This worked for me and hope it will be of some help to you.

If this interests you, the Articles I was talking about are from Daniel Wegner - Professor (Department of Psychology - Harvard University)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I have horrible obsessive thoughts but have never been diagnosed with OCD. My psychiatrist knows about my obsessive thinking and has never suggested that I have OCD. Meds are often used to help with the obsessive thinking. I am on Geodon right now and it has practically done away with the obsessive thinking. Without it, the obsessive thoughts rule my life.

 

[kers]

OCD is when someone has obsessive thoughts and compulsively does rituals to deal with the anxiety of those thoughts. For example, if after your obsessive thoughts about the foot fungus, you had treated yourself for foot fungus five times a day, that would be a ritual you were doing compulsively. Does that make sense?

I find that I get obsessive thoughts, too. They are a manifestation of how unsafe I feel. I don't worry about cleanliness, but I obsess about potential safety issues in my house and especially about interactions with other people (I worry I make people mad). I am learning techniques to acknowledge these thoughts without getting caught up in them. The stress of your trauma therapy is undoubtedly contributing to these thoughts...as you work through things, they will improve, to some degree.