Relationship I Need Help With This..........

[farmgirl]

I am new here, and just want some advice.

My husband of 6 years was diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago. It is the result of being on funeral detail in Viet Nam in the 70's. Seems the PTSD just decided to "rear it's ugly head" more than thirty years after the trauma! I find that in itself confusing, but I can accept it.

It has gotten nearly impossible at home. I never know if I will be dealing with "Jekyll or Hyde". DH is ULTRA sensitive in a negative way, takes everything I do or say as a personal assault, and accuses me of being selfish, thinking I am "perfect", etc. He criticises EVERYTHING, and tells me we really should consider separating. I really wish we could work this out, but I am at my wit's end. I NEED PEACE!

It seems that I am supposed to be super supportive of all his wants, needs, and aspirations. (Which I TRY to be).....but he never seems to care if I am upset or just had a bad day. It is always ABOUT HIM!!! I feel that there is so much about me that he truly hates, perhaps he WANTS to leave. If this is the case, I will not stand in his way. I am close to being ready to give up too!!!!

He just does not show any caring feelings at all toward me anymore.

He picked a fight with me this morning before daylight (we both work full time and run a farm, so we have to be up early).....I did not do anything to deserve it, I just got out of bed and poured a cup of coffee, and he verbally laid into me about everything that is wrong with me!!!! I shut up, and just let him leave for work, and went about my business. It was really hard, and I have had this on my mind all day.

He HAD to do this TODAY of all days, when today is the funeral of a friend of mine that succumbed to cancer earlier this week. DH could care less that I am upset! Since it's not ABOUT HIM, he just doesn't care!!!!

This is NOT the guy I married......Not even close.....what do I do? I cannot keep living like this. He has been to a doctor, who prescribed meds, which DH will not take, since he is a heavy equipment operator, and the meds make him drowsy. He told me he called the doctor, and the doctor said to just stop taking them, no problem. DH is stubborn when it comes to medications, claiming they ALL make him feel bad.

Well, does he feel GOOD being MEAN all the time???? PLEASE HELP ME! I am literally ready for a nervous breakdown!

 

[HisBeautiful]

Farmgirl, you mentioned that your husband was on funeral detail in Vietnam. Today he went on a verbal assault against you. I see a couple of things that are red flags for a trigger to him. A friend of yours is being buried today. His verbal assault was, in my opinion, not against you personally. You just happen to be the loved one in his path. I believe that your friends funeral was that trigger that sent him into a flashback and caused him to not be himself. PTSD is a very sensitive disorder. You have come to the right place for support. I also believe that if he and you are willing, then you could both benefit from going to the doctor together and or a marriage counselor who has experience with couples that have a PTSD suffer as part of the unit. My heart goes out to you in this.

His Beautiful

 

[Jawn]

Is your husband getting therapy for the PTSD? I went through something similar with my wife as PTSD showed up many years later and caused her to become an angry nasty person. Getting her to the doctor and on medication helped a lot, and now she is working through things (& adjusting medications) with a therapist. It can get better, but is not easy and takes time. Your husband is not really angry with you, it's the PTSD. However, the spouse is the person who will get the most abuse because they are there every day.

Try not to take it personally and try to make sure your husband is getting treatment.

Jawn

 

[farmgirl]

I appreciate all the advice, and will take it to heart. However, I do not think I will post here much anymore. Too many moderators with WWWAAAYYYY too much time on their hands.....I guess I don't "dot my 'i's and cross my 't's" the way they think I should. It's a pain, and I really came her for support, not more criticism. Thanks anyhow...I'll find another forum

 

[Jawn]

Don't take it personally, there are a set of rules to abide by and they are just enforcing them. It just helps make posts more readable to everyone and eliminates texting abbreviations and such that make it hard to read. I got a couple of warnings on my first few posts and then I figured out what they wanted. Well, I went back and read the rules for posting like I should have before I ever wrote my first post. :smile:

Jawn

 

[seraphimfelldown]

I think everyone gets a warning or two to start with. As they say its nothing personal. Just some of us have difficulty reading the posts if they're not properly paragraphed. I admit I got a bit upset too when I got the first warning, but just keep on hanging on. Anthony has a video about why there needs to be correct punctuation, spelling, paragraphing etc.

Please stay around its a good place to be.