I Need Help

[Jake]

Patty, I have C-ptsd and life is not taken in stride as it was before. I have been "different " for 10 yrs now. This month, my father passed. At first, I couldn't believe how I handled it all so well. Now another nerve rattling piece of news just hit me and I am way out of whack. Sometimes we cannot tell what affects our mood so dramatically. In retrospect, it may be two huge stressors hitting me too close to one another and I just shut down for now. Talk to your new boyfriend and ask him to confide with you about any events or things that may have upset him. He may not even be aware of why he is feeling emotionally strained. Maybe his interaction with his wife will take time for him to process. We, the affected, do not see clearly all the time why our emotions change our actions. That is the value of a good therapist or close personal friend...to help us sort out what we may not be able to from our inner perspective. Most important is our need for a supportive person who will not criticize us for being confused.

 

[Promicarus]

You are obviously a sincerely caring soul to have such a commitment to someone who has behaved as you describe, because, as you say, you "see who he is inside". But that being said, I would encourage you to read as much on PTSD as possible, to educate yourself. Not only will it give you more insight into his behaviour--but maybe more importantly, it will give you some insight as to whether you are willing to invest the kind of time and effort, and personal trials and discomfort, necessary for one in a relationship with another who is diagnosed with PTSD. It may be a short label, but don't let that fool you: t's one of the most difficult to treat, with some of the most severe and ever-shifting symptoms, and one of the most resistant-to-treatment of all disorders. Doing some reading on PTSD may give you a better idea as to whether you can really be "in for the long-haul" with someone with such symptoms, after the only short time of 3 months.

Yes, everyone has to start somewhere-but if you're not prepared for the challenges in store in trying to continue the relationship, you may be not only setting yourself up for heartbreak...but him as well, if he becomes more attached to you, in the long-term-only to then see you leave, at that point. That would be doing neither you or him any service, and may actually be more traumatizing to him.

For example, one of the most common traits/symptoms of PTSD is "not wanting anyone to get too close", and seeing anyone who tries as a threat. This is someone who's been reorientated to the world as dangerous, after all. It's also common for those with PTSD to appear to or attempt to get close to someone, only to then pull away when the emotions become strong enough to be threatening to his/her state, which is "shut-down" for a reason-protection.
Is this something you're willing to endure for the long-term?