Relationship I Need Help!

[superman1496]

So, I know now that I should have done this a long time ago, but I haven't. I have PTSD from family abuse.

My significant other knows about what I went through, but doesn't know that I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I am terrified about it, but I am going to tell her, finally. I just have no idea how to do it. With all the stress that our kids put on her already, and the stress her mom puts on her, as well as the stresses of being 9 months pregnant, I don't know how to add to it. So, if anyone has any ideas, I would SO COMPLETELY appreciate it.

Thank you.

 

[Nicolette]

Why not try giving her the PDF in the very first post of this thread [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-hardest-thing-i-have-had-to-do.9102/[/DLMURL]

 

[superman1496]

I told her. We haven't had much of a chance to talk about it, but I told her. And she hasn't freaked out on me. So, that's a plus, right?

 

[amethist]

Hi superman

Hang in there and dont expect the worst. I bet she has more understanding than you thought possible.

Why not guide her here, where we can help and support her, while you are dealing with it all.

A PTSD diagnosis does not mean the end, more the beginning, and now you know what you are dealing with, it could be a bit easier for both of you.

Take care and dont worry too much, it is always worse in your mind than in reality. :tup:

Amethist

 

[superman1496]

I know that the worst is usually in my mind. Trust me, if you knew me, you would know I over analyze and freak out over things. I will talk to her about getting on here. She's been through some stuff in her life as well, so it might do her even more good. Thanks.

 

[Nicolette]

While it is true the worst is probably in your mind, as a Supporter I will admit that I read the PDF I suggested above (Anthony gave it to me) and I didn't think it was any big deal as he seemed pretty normal to me.

Time and situations reveal more about the illness but liken it to having your first child for her...first comes the baby (your diagnosis), second comes bringing the baby home -not what you expected but somewhat prepared for (learning more about your illness) and then reality sets in (she begins to truly understand your illness).

 

[Eleanor]

Um, superman, if she's been living with you with untreated PTSD - a diagnosis is not going to be a big problem for her. She KNOWS something is wrong - she's been living with it for some time yes? If you were asymptomatic, you wouldn't have gotten diagnosed. Correct?

SO, diagnosis in this case is a good thing, because it can point you to effective ways to handle the problems that come up. Are you in treatment?

Wishing you both peace and healing. (and a happy healthy new little one!)

 

[JohnJohn]

Superman,

Nothing is wrong by calling things as they are, but I believe people tend to get too wrapped up into definitions and diagnoses. Sometimes those names (PTSD) themselves can illicit negative feelings and hurt. I am not trying to down play your situation, because we all have issues. But, having a name should not change your pain or relationships.

What you and loved ones are going through is a winnable issue. There will be challenges, but there should not be any more than you had before being diagnosed.

Remember, sticks and stones Superman. Otherwise we are all just human and each have our own kryptonite in the world. Do the best you can and never regret you gave it your all. Take care and good luck.

 

[superman1496]

You guys were right, she pretty much already knew. She said that it made a lot of sense, and she understood. She's also glad that I found support for it as well. She didn't know all the symptoms that I had. With all the stress going on I didn't really tell her about the nightmares or trouble sleeping, or getting freaked out when we went to the store or somewhere.

But, we're still talking about it, and things are going good. So thank you.

 

[amethist]

Trust is a big issue with sufferers superman, learn to trust her more now. It will help in the long term.

My husband trusts no one but me when he is in crisis mode. He has no idea who I am, but knows my voice is safe. :)

 

[Eleanor]

At this point she probably could identify more of your triggers than you can. Healing from PTSD can be a long process and, in our case at least, there has been a lot of "detective work" involved. And once you start seeing the patterns specific questions can be asked: "You were ok in the morning right? But after we went to the Dunkin Donuts, you got very agitated. What happened that set you off?"

Let her help you figure out how to unravel the thing. It is a one step at a time process, but since you have PTSD from family abuse (like my H does) you will likely find that it has sent little roots out in most unexpected directions that are limiting your relationship with your wife and kids in unpredictable (to others) ways. My H and I really consider ourselves partners in dealing with his PTSD - and that has helped me enormously. I can stand to wait for him to "come down" if I know we can talk about what happened after, and try to come up with a strategy for handling the worst part of it in the future.

 

[Tinyflame]

Wow Eleanor, I think that's fantastic. But I know you're an awfully (VERY) special person. :) :inlove:
And Amethist too. :inlove:

Superman, great for you to talk. And it's easier than trying to hide an elephant (not talk!) :)