I Need Help

[MyHeartIsBreaking]

My boyfriend has PTSD from child sexual trauma that he's previously (and currently) self medicated with alcohol. Recently, after many late nights, vague suicidal ideation (without intent or means) and him getting blackout drunk more frequently, I asked him to get help. He has been seeing a psychiatrist for almost 2 months now and has had negative side affects from one previous one and has become more vocal about suicidal thoughts. He makes safety contracts with me to not hurt himself for the night, for example but then says "it's only a matter of time" and "I can't take the pain anymore" but says he doesn't need to go to the hospital. He finally made a therapy appointment for this week, so I hope he attends that one and keeps going. I'm so worried and terrified and overwhelmed because I don't know what to do. It kills me to see him like this and I wish I could ease his pain. I'm terrified of losing him... I don't know what I would do... I guess I'm reaching out to see if anyone has some ideas and support for the both of us.

 

[anthony]

Firstly, you have to take care of you first, him second. If you fall down, he collapses. I would honestly be seeking your own therapy ASAP so you can get resolution for you.

The fact that he is making contracts with you, he is booking himself into therapy, is a good sign. The fact he is talking about, is a good sign. It's when he goes quiet that you need to worry about him. Suicidal ideation is normal with PTSD... reaching out for help is typically not seen so readily, and is a really positive sign that he wants to help himself and actually keep living, even though his brain is trying to tell him otherwise.

 

[AmberM]

I would seek out a therapist who specializes in trauma therapy. I've been that low in my life before, many times. He doesn't want to die, but he doesn't have the trauma skills he needs it sounds like it. Suicide is so often in my thoughts. Did something trigger these feelings in him to where he is medicating with alcohol? Triggers also can be something (a color, smell, touch, taste) that isn't easily recognizable. Example, if a woman was raped by a man in a red shirt, she could be walking down the street and see a red colored fabric in a storefront and for no apparent reason to her, she has an instant panic attack. That's how disconnected our minds and bodies get. Clocks give me anxiety because I was thrown up against one as a child and beat until I was unconscious. There are things that trigger me I'm sure that I have no idea they are triggers. I would definitely find one who specializes in trauma therapy. A regular therapist may ask him to go into the details of how he was sexually abused and that is wrong on so many levels. NEVER should a counselor ask a patient to go into detail. I have an amaZing book if you would like to know the name of it, I can defiantly get that for you. You have a kind soul by not giving up on him. He's hurting and you are probably his "anchor" right now.

 

[GWhizz]

Sorry you're going through this.

Is he drinking right now? I know for me, ptsd 'flares' and alcohol do not mix well. It only spurs on my suicidal ideation.

Do you think he needs emergency help or that he will follow through on his contract with you? He is staying in touch which is positive. But you seem particularly worried and I'm wondering if this is a level you have not been at before? I really hope he can settle at the moment and keeps reaching out to you. Is his T available to contact in crisis times like this?

 

[rightkindofme]

Alcohol is a depressant. It will make suicidal urges more intense. I use medical marijuana and I feel like it has saved my life.

Other than that... It sounds like he is in a rough spot. Tell him to come talk to us. We'll listen. Lots of us have intense childhood rape histories. We can hear anything. Find a good trauma therapist--not just any therapist will do. Especially for a male victim. Finding the right person is *so* important.

Take care of you. If you are going to be in a relationship with someone who has PTSD you need your own therapist and your own support network.

Good luck.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I'm a recovering alcoholic who used it to medicate my PTSD. I couldn't even acknowledge my trauma history until I was sober for a long time. Nothing gets accomplished emotionally while under the active influence of booze. I was often suicidal and was quite sure I would die from alcohol poisoning.

One thing at a time is my advice. Get help for yourself so you stay sane in the midst of his chaos.

 

[MyHeartIsBreaking]

First of all, thank you all for your kind words and support.
@anthony - luckily, I do already have a therapist of my own and have been talking to her about this issue.
@amberm - I did help him specifically pick out a therapist who has a specialty in trauma. He's actually at his appointment right now. As far as triggers go, I know the trigger is him telling his family and then not being supportive and then him breaking off contact with them. Also, his stepfather who is not the perpetrator passed away about two months ago now and not brought up a lot of emotions about not talking to his family. I would love to Know what that book is called.
@GWhizz - he drinks every day a lot. I have tried to get him to cut down and told him about alcohol being a depressant and only making the problems worse and he has made an effort to cut down. But he still drinking a lot. This level of suicidal ideation and depression is definitely higher than it's been in the past which scares me but all of you saying that it's a good thing he's talking to me about it makes me feel a little bit better. He does have an appointment today so hopefully he will continue to see the therapist and hopefully they're a good fit.

 

[GWhizz]

I really hope it is a good start for him today. Keep us posted

 

[J.Nem]

I will pray every day for you and him.