I Need Suggestions On Living Alone

[Loloma]

The death of your husband must have left a void in your life. Many years of marriage and then being a caregiver for so long. I have read your previous posts before you left us for a while. It was very hard for you then, with good and bad days. Now all your days are free to do what you want.

I have been alone for about two years now. In the beginning it was very difficult and I spent most of the day on the couch watching movies. Slowly I started going out to shopping and garden centres for something to do. Would stop and have a coffee and watch people go by. I,like you had very few friends. The first year I was overseas and knew no one.

See if there are local charities where you can volunteer. This way you will meet other people and it will fill some of your time. Look around in local newspapers or the internet for social groups for older people. Bingo perhaps or gardening clubs. It takes a bit to get motivated, however I'm sure you will find something that will suit you. Sending you a :hug:

 

[nursenurse]

How about taking a course, on line or somewhere in the community? Something you have always wanted to learn, but have never had the time? Once I separated from my 21 year old marriage, it was Spanish for my mission work, lol. It will never be great, but I can ask for a beer and a bathroom, in several languages, actually, and it can all be done on line if you do not have access to a classroom.

 

[DMerish]

My question is how does one live being alone? I am slowly doing better, but I do not do good on the days I do not have anything going on. What helps you? How do you manage?

Gosh Gismo, you've really been walking a tough path these last couple of years. Your grief and the void that you feel sometimes is understandable. I think most people would feel as you do now and wonder, "What now?"

I'm in a similar boat (still dealing with the grief over loosing two people very close) and my youngest moved out five years ago. For a while the solitude was needed, even wonderful at times. But I miss hearing the voice of someone simply saying, "Good morning." Having the radio or the TV on just doesn't cut it. I think as others have mentioned that it's important to do things you enjoy, and perhaps take up a hobby. Thankfully, you have three friends that can help support you as you let go of the past and begin walking down that new path lined with additional friends that you'll meet and fun things to do that strike your interest. I believe there's a wonderful life "out there" if we go out to meet it. I'm working towards that, but not quite there yet.

(((hugs)))
Drew

 

[cherryblossom]

I honestly think there are broadly 2 types of people. Those who are happy to be mostly solitary, and those who mostly need interaction with others.

I've lived alone for 14 years, and can honestly say that I'm happy with that. I will happily go a week or 2 without seeing anyone I know. But I know that for some people that would be intolerable.

I suppose if you don't already know, you need to work out which category fits you, in order to find activities to suit you.

If you want to be around people then you need to look into groups and group activities that you have an interest in.

If you're happy with your own company, what do you like to do?

Of course, you might want to find a mixture of both.

I watch tv, I read books, I spend time on the computer. I enjoy making digital art on the computer, and also playing computer games. I love music, so I play in a band, where I have met a great bunch of people, which is also sociable because we go to the pub, or have BBQs together. I like to cook and try to grow veggies in the garden. I try to keep my home looking nice. I love planning and going on holidays. I love taking photographs whilst on holiday, and then when I'm home I enjoy digitally editing them, making slideshows, making art work from my photo's.

I honestly cant imagine what it must be like for you, having spent so long with one person, and more recently dedicating every second of your time to him. You must just have such a huge hole in your life.

You need to get to know yourself again. I don't think there's any quick or easy answer. Take some time to explore what you want to do with your time. The possibilities are endless.

You kind of need to learn how to be by yourself, and explore what you would like to do with your time. You might want to study for a degree, or learn to paint, dedicate yourself to charity work, or write a book. This is a different chapter in your life, and you can do whatever you want to do. I'm sure you will find something that you enjoy and gives you fulfilment.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you for what you had to say. I am the kind of person who needs to be around people. Thanks for pointing that out.
I think you are right, I need to know how to be by myself. I am slowly doing so many things I have not been doing for three years.

It was really hard at first, but it is getting easier. I have some good support and it really makes a big difference for me.

You sound like you have a happy and fulfilled life. Now I just have to rebuild mine.

 

[KP the nut]

Now I just have to rebuild mine.

You will rebuild it I know. Just remember baby steps.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Gizmo, my heart really does go out to you. And everyone that posted on here it just makes me want to cry to see how much people truly care about you getting better, all of us getting better and working threw all of life's messes together. I can't imagine how being a caretaker took a toll on you. That had to have been tough and I admire your strength and courage.

This might cheer you up a little or just make you smile just a tiny bit. :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you so very much everyone who responded. What comfort you gave me. I do have three animals. Two cats and a small dog and they are good company.

Everyone had great suggestions. I do like being able to do whatever I like. Keeping busy helps me so much. But I have been grieving so I still have my bad days.

I so appreciate the time and care you all took in your responses.
You gave me hope, and I need that in spades.