I Need Your Brutal Honesty On This One...

[rightkindofme]

I went out last weekend to help a friend move. Today I got an email from one of the other people there asking for sex.

If you don't draw this kind of attention you can't understand what managing it means.

Oh man.

 

[Justpassintime]

I have that effect partially because while I have worked on it a lot apparently I still have sexualized body language. I get it, I'm just not all that impressed with sex, dogs and pigs do it, it's not something you can put on your resume, at least for the most part...LOL

 

[rightkindofme]

Some of my male friends tell me that I make too much eye contact. One man told me that I might as well have already ripped his clothes off because my eye contact is so intense. I am not that impressed with his opinion.

I feel like I went out and got a PhD in sex. It has come in a lot of use over the years. :)

 

[Jenfa]

omg I had a guy say something similar to me. He said, "I can see the way you look at me.", in that tone. Thing is, I look at people when they talk to see if they believe what they are telling me. If they have no confidence in their words, or if I feel like I'm being lied to, I stare them down without blinking until they feel weird lmao

 

[TeaLeaf]

NO this is not some stupid porn site thing either, this is for real.

It was nice to read about other women struggling with hypersexuality but I have to say this line disturbed me. Are you saying that porn addiction isn't serious or a real problem? Hopefully I misread the intent on that.

I have the same experience as sweetgirl with drinking and my behavior. For years I never make the connection with drinking and sexual acting out. Now for the most part I completely avoid alcohol and have made great strides in dealing with the root cause of my issues surrounding sex.

 

[Justpassintime]

No I meat sometimes people will post on forums as a lure to get you to go to a porn site. I was a new user so I figured it could be construed as suspect.

 

[Mayday]

I struggle with this too. My ways of "managing" it are probably worse than the hyper-sexuality that I was trying to stop, I'm yet to bring this up with my therapist but we are edging closer towards talking about it. I isolate myself, I've put on weight and self harmed as have found that body shame is one thing that "works" to stop me. I find I am very easily influenced if someone else wants sex, so the isolation helps to reduce the likelyhood of those encounters, and making myself less attractive also helps to reduce the amount of attention I get.

I don't have any healthy ways of managing hypersexuality. Maybe my therapist will be able to suggest some things whenever I can force the words out of my mouth to actually talk about it. I'm not prudish about sex, but the hyper-sexuality meant I was putting myself in unsafe situations, having unsafe sex, doing things that were not in line with my morals, triggering myself into bad emotional states etc...Not healthy stuff.

 

[Justpassintime]

You know, that's a tough thing to discuss, especially if you have shame associated with it :( I really hope you can talk to your therapist. I've mentioned it in passing, I have so much "junk" going on it's hard to focus on one area as opposed to managing my wild mood swings.

 

[GingerAli]

Ha! Yes. I am a female, but my last boyfriend said I had the drive of a man. Lol! It didn't bother him at all but it bothers me because I really don't want to deal with this so frequently. I haven't told my T yet as there is lots of shame around this for me. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone!

 

[llv88]

Thank you for writing about this. I've noticed I cycle with my ptsd and this is one of the symptoms too. I haven't explored it with my T yet, because it is embarrassing and shameful. I've noticed the impulse is much stronger (and lasts longer) after I've been triggered and/or have so much anxiety/energy. I too suspect it's from something sexual that happened in my childhood. The other thing I've noticed about it is the impulse usually comes when I'm so disgusted with myself and cannot stand myself any longer. I view it as punishment for being me.

Now that I'm aware of it, I sometimes give in to it. Or I try to avoid by distracting myself so I don't have time to think about it. If the impulse gets too strong and my hubby isn't available, sometimes I end up self-harming just to get some kind of relief. So, I know it needs to be addressed with T, just not ready. I hope you find a good way to cope and or be able to talk to your T about it.