Sexual Assault I Never Believed This Was Sexual Abuse...

[Esterio]

But this is a PTSD site. There's a difference between small stuff happening to someone who already ha...

Thanks for the post
Yes this site is for those who are surfing the effects of PTSD. I don't know all that has happened to me in the past. I know I have some serious shit that happened to me and some of it I didn't know before I started to work though all of it. I still don't remember lots. More comes to light everyday. It comes so fast that I can't retain much. Lots of this is small stuff but a pie of small stuff has now become big stuff. I am trying hard not to diminish or minimize others. Who I'm I to say that you don't belong. I hope everyone is on a healing journey and we can help each other with out judgement. I myself Have had enough of being judged by others that seem to have blinders on. I don't go around or have anything much to do with most if not all of my family that are still alive and a lot of so called friends because they are so judgemental of me and try to diminish my pain. In the short time I have been here I have met some that I thought might not belong here. I just don't communicate with those folks much and I feel bad as I don't want to be judgemental they could be really hurting and not able to tell the whole story yet. I think everyone deserves the opportunity and the forum to voice theirs. I don't have to read it.
Thanks again for the post
Peace be safe

just my thoughts

 

[MoriMermaid]

@Esterio I stand by my story and my life experiences, whether they were not traumatic enough for the definition of PTSD. I have flashbacks I can't control yet, disturbing nightmares, and panic attacks because of what happened to me with that one experience. It has impacted my life greatly, and it wasn't just a "bad decision." A friend of mine told me lately to take care of myself and take it slow. This friend's terminal illness is traumatic enough. When they told me they were sick, I had a memory lapse that caused me to forget some of the details of our connection, and this hurts me every day that this happened. I had panic attacks and other painful effects including crying on and off for three weeks. So, things that seem little in someone else's eyes might not be so small to someone else. I've had uncountable events happen everything from losing my job to losing my health to chronic illness to losing friends to losing my childhood, and all of it compounded. Yes. I wish things had gone differently, but right now I'm working on getting my memories back so that I can spend the last months (and hopefully years) with my friend in peace. I don't have time to fight with people over whether or not I have PTSD.

 

[MoriMermaid]

@Esterio It wasn't even a bad decision. If I had known what was going to happen, I would have said no. I couldn't read the future, and I couldn't read his mind. The experience changed the way I saw the world and myself. For years since the incidents, I've been asked: Why didn't you go back and change it? Why did you tolerate it so long? I can only go forward now, and if I don't have PTSD, then I'm searching for what I do have because 17 years of searching is going to lead to something soon.

 

[Esterio]

@Esterio I stand by my story and my life experiences, whether they were not trau...

Thanks for your post.
You don't need to qualify your illness to anyone and I found it to be a little distaste full. I can not imagine how I would feel. Best way to think about it is everyone is entitled to there opinion. You can only control what you say and do. You can not control others. I would move forward with trying to find the answers you need. Your symptoms seem genuine to me. I am just a suffer who does not understand what is happening to me that much and if I can tell you some thing that helps you. I get to feel good as well as you and that is what all of this is about. I have laps in memory and get lost in conversations so some times you may not understand what I am saying. If you don'y understand something I say or something makes you uneasy or hurts you please feel free to ask me to clarify. I try not to say anything that might hurt anyone. I'm only human so I don't know what can hurt you or if I have hurt you and less you let me know.
Have you been able to find a therapist I'm sure if you could find one that you can talk to it would be of a big help to you. I hope you are having an all right day today. Anyway don't let others affect your healing. There are lots of folks here that want to help even those that didn't understand you are willing to help. Move forward on your journey. I'm here watching contact me if you need some one for support or just to talk. Remember we are all here for the same reason so that we are not alone anymore and we can come for support or to give support and make the moment better for us all.
Do you read the new post that come out everyday. I'm finding that I am reading lots and starting to post more replies and some have brought to me wonderful responces and lots more interest in life it self. As yours has. Thats enough for now.

Have a good day take a moment and relax so you are able to continue to be there for your friend who really appreciates you being there for them. Safe hugs to you if you can except them.
Peace be safe my friend

 

[Esterio]

@Esterio It wasn't even a bad decision. If I had known what was going to happen...

Thanks for the post. The number 17 seem to come up a lot for me. I know others that have had their world turned on its head by things that happen over the inter net. I met someone on the internet and before it was over I felt totally violated and was the victim of crime he took a bunch of money from me. So I would never go to the internet to date again. While looking back is something we have to do in order to move forward. We need to concentrate on the big picture moving forward. Those are some powerful questions that you are looking for the answers to.
Peace be safe

 

[Gs172003]

@Esterio It wasn't even a bad decision. If I had known what was going to happen...

You can have an evaluation done.

 

[Gs172003]

Morimermaid are you saying that the internet relationship caused your PTSD or made it worse?

 

[Changing4Best]

HI, I have suffered a similar situation with someone since 1994. When I met him, I told him I was married, but that did not stop him from making passes at me. Very explicit ones at that. He will be the perfect gentleman for quite some time and then one day let loose with some kind of sexual comment, invitation or other or just plain improper humor.

I have never had relations with him, and the majority of our friendship has occurred online, although we did meet a few times, until my church and my husband put a stop to that. My husband then said that I could only email him, and nothing more. I obeyed my husband.

My husband has since passed away. The man occasionally still makes passes at me. I just ignore them and go on trying to JUST BE FRIENDS. Usually I will refuse to respond to the email that has the sexual pass in it, ignoring it and not replying.

Then I might wait a few days, until he is hopefully "cooled off" and write to him about something else.

Why I remained friends with him is sometimes beyond my understanding. I tried many times to disconnect or block him, but I always backed down a few days later and unblocked him and started to communicate with him again.

I do know that at the time I met him, I had NO FRIENDS. I was lonely and my husband was away working long hours, while I sat home, bored, with nothing to do. I hate watching TV. Especially daytime TV. So that was out. I had tried to make friends. I had gone to adult school and studied stained glass making. However, no one was interested in being friends. So when this man seemed friendly, I opened up to him and at least I had a friend then. However, it probably was a mistake for me to stay in touch with him. There were many others online that would have been better friends, but no one seemed to pay me much attention, not like he did anyway. He made me feel special. And I lapped that up! I loved it. I even got a kick out of his finding me attractive, even though I should not have, since I was married.

To me, looking back on it, it was EMOTIONALLY TRAUMATIC. The fact that I wanted to break free but could not was puzzling to me too.

And yet, to this day, I am still in touch with him. We just shared emails yesterday, in fact. I don't meet with him personally any longer. I don't speak on the phone with him any longer. I do pray for him, as he has cancer. He has never been married, by the way.

Anyway, I do understand your pain. I have lived similar pain. And as a PTSD survivor (due to childhood sexual abuse and an adult rape) and also one who was bullied as a young girl, I can relate to your story very closely. I am sorry for your pain!

 

[Sheila_a]

There's something that I've been keeping inside from people simply because it's been hard to explai...

Thanks a lot for that. You're brave and taking the steps that feel right!

 

[L83201]

@Zoogal October to February. Yes. All of it was online. Yes. I was deeply af...

I had a similar experience, I can totally relate. When I got out of the relationship, I too felt sorry for the man's wife. I'm so relieved and glad I got out. I don't miss him. I'm glad you were able to get out, too. For me, when I got out, I started to breathe. Life is so much better now.
Having experienced both physical and non physical abuse, I can tell you that the first one isn't always worse for everyone. And I wouldn't even say that it's worse in most cases... there's really no point in comparing trauma. Congratulations for getting out and best wishes!