I Never Ever Post, But Have A Question...

[kath3141]

I won't bore you with details of my life story, but it seems today has been filled with reminders of what I lost out on as a child. I find I grieve over what could have been and feel like an alien on a foreign planet. I feel I am left completely incapable of understanding the concept of "normal", trying to fake it is a struggle. Nonetheless I get a view of it and desperately long for what others take for granted. Simple things are so hard for me, nobody can understand. these reminders of an inner loss can be minor such as people discussing "their first time", which brings up old memories....or it can be the need to socialize and engage in small talk which is difficult, since I was isolated much of my childhood and never learned how.

 

[kath3141]

Im sorry, I forgot the question....I just need to know somebody understands

 

[sun seeker]

First of all, welcome to the forum. Will you accept a hug?

Second, I know it sounds like a cliche and I don't mean it that way, but the words "join the club" spring to mind. What you describe is common for survivors of any kind of childhood abuse or neglect. I used to say it felt like everyone else had been through an orientation session, sort of a "Life on Earth 101" and I'd missed it. I suspect a lot of us were out sick that day...

It does very gradually get better. You never get to where you feel as if the trauma didn't happen, but the feelings of isolation and being separate from the rest of the world do get less. There is an ebb and flow about them. Are you in therapy? Also for the social part of it, this forum is a great place to practice those skills in a safe environment, or to vent when that is what you need. I'm glad you're here and yes, I for one very much understand.

 

[kath3141]

Thx for the welcome... Definitely missed the life on earth thing. I Have been in therapy for some time. I have a well honed autopilot mode in life and am trying to work beyond it. Old hurts have been spilling over a lot lately as a result. Regarding the whol socializing issue, I get easily overwhelmed. I still isolate a lot. I'm might need to take baby steps and start contributing more here

 

[holdenmonty]

I don't know about others but I have a really tough time with social situations as well. My trauma is partially from my deployment so even though I can't fully relate to you I can see where you are coming from. As soon as somebody knows I'm in the military which is pretty ovious due to my haircut but they ask me if I have deployed which I reply I have and they ask where I went and I tell them and then it usually goes onto them asking how it was and I tell them a couple things that I have prepared in my mind and can share and it usually stops there because they are in shock. So it tends to get a bit aquard and then I try to find something else to talk about but there is still that aquardness

I have tried to figure something out that doesn't shock them maybe the food. But sorry about going off on my own thing.

You are very normal for things being a little aquard. You haven't had the "normal" childhood and it doesn't mean you should be ashamed or anything it just means that things are different for you.

 

[SwordsPandaGirl]

I know how you feel and like others have already said, it is normal for those with abuse history to feel like that.
Are you seeing a therapist? It will help if you do. I know you feel like this now but with therapy and support (such as the forum) it will help you feel less alienated.

Also I would like to add that it ha helped me to just try accept it as best as I can and to just be myself, PTSD symptoms and all. I think beautiful that we are all different and what is normal anyways? :)

Welcome to the forum I'm sure you'll find support here .

 

[sun seeker]

I'm might need to take baby steps and start contributing more here

Yes. That's what we're here for. Baby steps sound great, don't plunge in all at once unless it feels right. Stick a toe in the water and see how that goes. :)

 

[Born to Run]

I used to say it felt like everyone else had been through an orientation session, sort of a "Life on Earth 101" and I'd missed it. I suspect a lot of us were out sick that day...

This is brilliant sun seeker! Spot on.

@Kath I understand you. I have often felt like an alien too, and still fall behind and have gaps in understanding the world. Being normal is very relative though, as those people who seem normal struggle with their lives as well, just not as we do. I agree with you in that it can be a good exercise for you to participate on this forum.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Welcome! I missed the orientation session too. I struggle now greatly to communicate with others, especially small talk. I used to be a community relations manager, but am now just beaten down with my mask full of cracks. This forum has been a wonderful place for me to come and learn, share, and be offered very thoughtful, warm, and insightful advice and observations. It has helped me greatly to be able to come here, and to be heard and understood, and not judged. Take care. :) VB

 

[WildMermaid]

I don't know what normal is either but there may come a time when that does not matter and we aliens have to stick together. Welcome to the group. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, its perfectly normal to grieve what we didn't have.

I say eff that "first time" BS. Its a fake social construct. Wanna know the truth? Outside of abuse, most people's "first time" isn't all that great because you don't know what the heck you are doing, and you're lucky if it lasts 30 seconds. I'm tired of people telling me that my "first time" was the first time I consented. NOPE! All of that was stolen from me too. I've decided to let it go. Sickening that society puts such emphasis on "first times" and then when we don't have a "first time" they have to make up some other BS explanation to help us get through it. ARGH.

 

[WildMermaid]

I second everything you just posted @Solara.