I Only Feel Safe At Home Or In My Town.

[Ricuwe]

I recently went through a tramatic event. (F 18 Florida)
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT HAVE PSTD NOR DO I CLAIM TO HAVE IT.

About two months ago I moved in with a guy only after knowing him for three days.

I was completely infatuated with him. I was tired of home life and I wanted a new adventure. So one night I snuck out. The night I snuck out was August 7th 2016. I was hospitalized September 28th 2016 (i was put in the pscyh unit for observation). I came back home on either October 3rd or 4th 2016.

yes, i know i sound totally crazy, yes i know im very stupid. okay? no need to tell me what i already know.

Any way, during the short time i was there he really f*cked with my head he made me do things and did things to me.

When i was with him we were almost never at his place, we were actually always driving around in the car.
which now explains my fear of blue 2014 nissan versa, whenever i see one of those regardless of where i am i think its him and that he is gonna hurt me it really freaks me out.

anyway the few days ive been living with my parents ive only had to go out side of our town once, we went to north miami which is litterally in the other direction of where he lives.

the whole time we were out side of my town i was totally on edge, i was so scared at the thought of seeing him. I saw a billboard and i know there is one just like that one near where he lives my heart sank and i had to ask my mom where we where.

the billboard litterally triggered me and idk how to explain it, its like i had images of what he had done to me flashing in my head. I kept seeing his face.

it happened again several times while i was out with my mom, i cant say it was unbearable but it for sure had me on edge and i really hated it.

I feel no fear while im at home or within a mile radius of my home (just guessing)
then when im at the store im a little uncomfortable
then theres this one place in my town called town center i went with him there several times, and when i go there my stomach sinks and i feel pretty uncomfortable.

but nothing matches the horrible feeling of when i go out of my town
i was perscribed medication to keep the fear under control just for when i go out, its an anti anxiety med idk the name of it right now.

im not sure where im going with this but please share your thoughts, opinions and experiences.

 

[Umuniv]

What was the result of your psychiatric assessment in the hospital? Do you now have a therapist?

 

[Wiwoti]

This sounds normal after what you went through. It's obviously not good, but I'd be surprised if you DIDN'T experience this kind of anxiety after that experience. Especially if there's still a good chance of you running into this guy, and it sounds like there is. Honestly, my advice to you would be to talk about your experience as much as you can now so that it doesn't sneak up on you later. If you have trouble talking to someone directly, write about it. Get your feelings out in any way you can. If you don't have a therapist, get one, even if you don't have PTSD. This sort of thing will get much worse in the long run if you don't talk to someone about it now, trust me.

As for your fear of leaving town and leaving the house, I think many of us on this forum can relate. I know I can. I don't know if others on here will agree with me, but I would advise you to try to get out despite the fear (unless there is a threat of this guy attacking you -- in which case you should notify police), at least in small doses, provided it's not sending you into crippling panic attacks.

 

[Ricuwe]

What was the result of your psychiatric assessment in the hospital? Do you now have a therapist?

i was in the hospital because he drove me over the edge, i have a history with depression a sucidal thoughts/ attempts. I didnt tell them anything at the hospital i just told them i was overwhelmed by stress and nothing else. and no im currently looking for a therapist, although i think ive found one

 

[Abe]

Sounds like PTSD to me. Just sayin'.

 

[Apas]

i was in the hospital because he drove me over the edge, i have a history with depression a sucidal thoughts/ attempts....

How do you know you don't have PTSD then?

 

[Asal]

How do you know you don't have PTSD then?

Because i havent been diagnosed. Back when i was dangerously depressed and 13 i never said i had depression untill i was diagnosed when i was 14. I dont mind when people say that they have a mental health issue and they havent been diagnosed. I just dont wanna say i have ptsd and then realize that im telling a lie.. That being said. It has crossed my mind..

 

[Oki]

For right now, I would say let go of getting stuck on what diagnosis you have or don't have. Get to therapy. Tell them everything you possibly can. The sooner you can get to therapy and the sooner you can get support, the better off you are going to do.

To help manage the fear and anxiety you are feeling now, look up "grounding skills" – they seem like ordinary things, but this can go along ways to helping with the fear. Don't avoid exposure 100%. The more people avoid exposure something they have a fair or phobia or trauma trigger round, the worse the trigger gets. Don't isolate yourself from safe relationships the more you reach out to relatively safe friends and people, the more it will help over the long haul.

Things can get better. :hug:

 

[Fakolij]

The term PTSD is a disordered version of what most everyone experiences after a traumatic event.

Post Traumatic Stress or PTS, is a normal reaction. When the condition persists past a certain time frame, or does not appear until a certain time after the event. That's when it would be more likely to be referred to as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

Not saying either applies to you. I'm not qualified to diagnosis anyone for anything.

As was mentioned earlier, by a couple people. Therapy would be a good idea. Sooner rather than later, as having a healthy outlet and tools to process your experience, will minimise the likelihood of developing the disorder. (Believe me, if you can do something to avoid this. Do it! For the love of God, do it!)

 

[Ojiwe]

Therapy is a must.

Given your level of impulsivity I suspect you have personality disorder traits. You are putting yourself in danger and it could get you killed.

DBT would be a great place to start as it's clear you need to work on impulse control.

 

[Neheli]

Therapy is a must.

Given your level of impulsivity I suspect you have personality disorder traits. You are putting you...

I totally agree with you tbh. Thank you to everyone who has answered i appreciate all of your imput.

 

[Ole]

DBT is a great suggestion!

Don't get too down about any diagnosis. Even borderline personality disorder has a high recovery rate.

Keep up the good work to find a therapist than can help sort this out with you.